Anxiously Attached How to Unfuck Yourself
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Date: 2025-03-21
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Comments and reviews: 20
psych2go
Situationship but not really essay here:
I started liking one of my friends in freshman year after a year of knowing him in 8th grade. We started getting extremely close and i had a feeling that he liked me too but I didnt want to say anything because it would be weird no matter what he felt about me just brining it up would suck. Yk, if he didnt then boom thats. really weird. Yk Then, i found out only after he started ghosting me that people were shipping us behind our backs and trying to get us together. I had a feeling when a SENIOR asked me if i liked him romantically but i didnt know for sure. i just thought he told someone he wanted to ask me to hoco or something. I didnt talk to anyone 3 months after he started slow ghosting me, and it was horrible. I was extremely depressed and, for some reason, was doing better in my classes than I was before. I started being rude when people would talk to me since him and I had so MANY mutual friends and the conversation mightve led to us. I told our closest mutual about it and she noticed he wasnt just acting weird to me but also to her. Less talkative. More talkative to newer people. It was like a beoch-switch flipped and he suddenly became. the popular guy stereotype. He was rude to other people, developed a clique, surrounded himself in people and told them horrible stuff about me (from what I've heard. The worst part was that I still see him everyday at our extracurricular. Im a junior now. I HATE him so much that its helped me find better people, more friends (even some of his, haha, take that yk. My first move for cutting of the anxious attachment was blocking him on his birthday. I heard he talked about it the entire week of school and I saw him staring multiple times. It felt so good and after that I even started drawing again. I gave it up because of him also liking to draw, and it felt really good to do something and create something that he wasn't involved in.
The only downside is I lost some of the friends i had when I was friends with him since he likes to tell drama like crazy to eVeRyOnE appearently. They sideeye me as much as he does to me whenever he sees me and they dont even talk to me anymore. Some of them do though because theyre actually good people and dont care who their friends hate and arent going to stop being friends w them just because one of them hates them.
I still struggle every now and then with thoughts about reminiscing, but its only everytime we have our extracurricular. I have a boyfriend now, and it kills me that everytime i have such depressing thoughts he has to be there to treat me well and all im thinking about is. him. It sucks. I love my boyfriend so much that when I tell him about it, it just hurts because you know he is just thinking he is going to leave sooner or later because of me. Even when he says that he loves me back and will try to support me through my depression eras every once and awhile its hard to think its permananent.
Thank you Psych2Go for helping me through it, though. I watched and discovered your videos during that time and it has been amazing. Even though my bf has helped me throughout the year your videos were there to keep me balanced and keep realising that be is there for me even when my brain says he isn't. Thank you.
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Situationship but not really essay here:
I started liking one of my friends in freshman year after a year of knowing him in 8th grade. We started getting extremely close and i had a feeling that he liked me too but I didnt want to say anything because it would be weird no matter what he felt about me just brining it up would suck. Yk, if he didnt then boom thats. really weird. Yk Then, i found out only after he started ghosting me that people were shipping us behind our backs and trying to get us together. I had a feeling when a SENIOR asked me if i liked him romantically but i didnt know for sure. i just thought he told someone he wanted to ask me to hoco or something. I didnt talk to anyone 3 months after he started slow ghosting me, and it was horrible. I was extremely depressed and, for some reason, was doing better in my classes than I was before. I started being rude when people would talk to me since him and I had so MANY mutual friends and the conversation mightve led to us. I told our closest mutual about it and she noticed he wasnt just acting weird to me but also to her. Less talkative. More talkative to newer people. It was like a beoch-switch flipped and he suddenly became. the popular guy stereotype. He was rude to other people, developed a clique, surrounded himself in people and told them horrible stuff about me (from what I've heard. The worst part was that I still see him everyday at our extracurricular. Im a junior now. I HATE him so much that its helped me find better people, more friends (even some of his, haha, take that yk. My first move for cutting of the anxious attachment was blocking him on his birthday. I heard he talked about it the entire week of school and I saw him staring multiple times. It felt so good and after that I even started drawing again. I gave it up because of him also liking to draw, and it felt really good to do something and create something that he wasn't involved in.
The only downside is I lost some of the friends i had when I was friends with him since he likes to tell drama like crazy to eVeRyOnE appearently. They sideeye me as much as he does to me whenever he sees me and they dont even talk to me anymore. Some of them do though because theyre actually good people and dont care who their friends hate and arent going to stop being friends w them just because one of them hates them.
I still struggle every now and then with thoughts about reminiscing, but its only everytime we have our extracurricular. I have a boyfriend now, and it kills me that everytime i have such depressing thoughts he has to be there to treat me well and all im thinking about is. him. It sucks. I love my boyfriend so much that when I tell him about it, it just hurts because you know he is just thinking he is going to leave sooner or later because of me. Even when he says that he loves me back and will try to support me through my depression eras every once and awhile its hard to think its permananent.
Thank you Psych2Go for helping me through it, though. I watched and discovered your videos during that time and it has been amazing. Even though my bf has helped me throughout the year your videos were there to keep me balanced and keep realising that be is there for me even when my brain says he isn't. Thank you.
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SquidMcDuk
Man this is a lot of comments. Sorry hi again. Honestly I do have the fantasy thing very much, but usually how it works for me is that she doesn’t change in it, I mean I don’t feel like I know her well enough for it not to be a change but either way, the only difference i see between the fantasy and reality is that I actually talk to the fantasy version about how I really feel, while in reality I kind of have to snap myself back sometimes with the thing of she doesn’t actually know, that was your head. If I could talk to her about it in real life then I definitely would, but I feel like I’m just not that close yet or something.
Now about what you said about the bad parts, I would like to say that I do already look for them, and genuinely don’t see anything, so if there is anything bad, then I would need to know her a lot more closely than I do, seeing at the moment I’m not that close to start with, very sadly. (Idk if it’s some sort of social anxiety or something. I feel like the good parts do definitely feel amplified to me, but I also feel like I just don’t know her that closely enough to be able to even see any bad parts yet.
Now the thing you said about avoidance, I just want to note that I see her in school so I feel like that would feel weird if I just tried to avoid her that way.
Idk why but I feel weird putting this as a full on comment now (my social anxiety is finally kicking in after so long.
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Man this is a lot of comments. Sorry hi again. Honestly I do have the fantasy thing very much, but usually how it works for me is that she doesn’t change in it, I mean I don’t feel like I know her well enough for it not to be a change but either way, the only difference i see between the fantasy and reality is that I actually talk to the fantasy version about how I really feel, while in reality I kind of have to snap myself back sometimes with the thing of she doesn’t actually know, that was your head. If I could talk to her about it in real life then I definitely would, but I feel like I’m just not that close yet or something.
Now about what you said about the bad parts, I would like to say that I do already look for them, and genuinely don’t see anything, so if there is anything bad, then I would need to know her a lot more closely than I do, seeing at the moment I’m not that close to start with, very sadly. (Idk if it’s some sort of social anxiety or something. I feel like the good parts do definitely feel amplified to me, but I also feel like I just don’t know her that closely enough to be able to even see any bad parts yet.
Now the thing you said about avoidance, I just want to note that I see her in school so I feel like that would feel weird if I just tried to avoid her that way.
Idk why but I feel weird putting this as a full on comment now (my social anxiety is finally kicking in after so long.
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psych2go
I did cut all contact with toxic family but still hear the voices of them saying I am not good enough. I had a couple crushes but never went for it. I have a bad time communicating what I am feeling until I blow up with frustration. That's why my ex's left not because I mistreated them I just get frustrated and walk away and don't talk about it. I tried to tell the one but we both agreed to brake up because she couldn't do a long distance relationship. I know people go to me for advice but I feel drained when they do. I feel most at ease when I am by myself in a dark room don't want to do anything or deal with no one. That's how I dealt with my situation growing up. I think about my life but all the negativity creeps up. I don't know how to ask for help or frankly care at this point if I get the help. I get asked if I am ok I flash a smile and say I'm ok just tired. I was always shut down by dad's side of the family and 2 ex's out of 13. I was told as a man I had to provide and I was not equal to a woman by my grandparents on dad's side. When I express myself all I get was so what that's nothing or their favorite was so and so is doing better do that. I feel like a failure and not worth anything
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I did cut all contact with toxic family but still hear the voices of them saying I am not good enough. I had a couple crushes but never went for it. I have a bad time communicating what I am feeling until I blow up with frustration. That's why my ex's left not because I mistreated them I just get frustrated and walk away and don't talk about it. I tried to tell the one but we both agreed to brake up because she couldn't do a long distance relationship. I know people go to me for advice but I feel drained when they do. I feel most at ease when I am by myself in a dark room don't want to do anything or deal with no one. That's how I dealt with my situation growing up. I think about my life but all the negativity creeps up. I don't know how to ask for help or frankly care at this point if I get the help. I get asked if I am ok I flash a smile and say I'm ok just tired. I was always shut down by dad's side of the family and 2 ex's out of 13. I was told as a man I had to provide and I was not equal to a woman by my grandparents on dad's side. When I express myself all I get was so what that's nothing or their favorite was so and so is doing better do that. I feel like a failure and not worth anything
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Super-Shafs
2: 20 Confront the fantasy - Notice how you focused too much on the positives and didn't notice the negatives
3: 56 Address the root of fear and self-limiting beliefs - Think of your concerns and look for positive experiences and actions in the past where you may have overcome similar, if not the same problem(s)
5: 44 Limit contact and triggers - Start by ignoring toxic people for a short time and slowly build up how long you go without contacting them
7: 11 Let yourself grieve - Acknowledge your negative feelings, vent about them, and then discard them
8: 05 Resist being so critical on yourself - Realize your negative self-criticism and replace it with self-validation and honor
9: 38 Build a new identity - Reconnect with former hobbies and friends, or even new hobbies and friends
10: 42 Go for therapy - Have professional advice and support about where your anxiety originates from and how to overcome it
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2: 20 Confront the fantasy - Notice how you focused too much on the positives and didn't notice the negatives
3: 56 Address the root of fear and self-limiting beliefs - Think of your concerns and look for positive experiences and actions in the past where you may have overcome similar, if not the same problem(s)
5: 44 Limit contact and triggers - Start by ignoring toxic people for a short time and slowly build up how long you go without contacting them
7: 11 Let yourself grieve - Acknowledge your negative feelings, vent about them, and then discard them
8: 05 Resist being so critical on yourself - Realize your negative self-criticism and replace it with self-validation and honor
9: 38 Build a new identity - Reconnect with former hobbies and friends, or even new hobbies and friends
10: 42 Go for therapy - Have professional advice and support about where your anxiety originates from and how to overcome it
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GruntZug
I was able to move from Anxious attachment style to secure attachment style. My advice is this, you work hard for your relationships and you deserve friends and love ones who work just as hard. If you find yourself working hard to encourage your partner to work hard, then walk away. A secure person will make things easier on you and let you know what they truly need, another anxious person will likely work as hard as you do. An avoidant person will have you chase them to the ends of the earth, and then leave you because you chased them. You don't deserve that.
Once your attachment style becomes more secure review your relationships and cut away anyone who triggers that fear of loosing them and put that energy towards relationships that make you feel safe and valued. It's better to have 5 strong relationships than it is to have a 500 weak ones.
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I was able to move from Anxious attachment style to secure attachment style. My advice is this, you work hard for your relationships and you deserve friends and love ones who work just as hard. If you find yourself working hard to encourage your partner to work hard, then walk away. A secure person will make things easier on you and let you know what they truly need, another anxious person will likely work as hard as you do. An avoidant person will have you chase them to the ends of the earth, and then leave you because you chased them. You don't deserve that.
Once your attachment style becomes more secure review your relationships and cut away anyone who triggers that fear of loosing them and put that energy towards relationships that make you feel safe and valued. It's better to have 5 strong relationships than it is to have a 500 weak ones.
reply
psych2go
As someone who is breaking my anxious attachment and becoming more secure I’ve learned my anxiousness will always be there however it’s about learning how to regulate it by learning emotional regulation. Doing so allowed me to see abusive patterns and it helped me realize others actions and behaviors reflect on how they feel about themselves not about me nor did it reflect my worth/value nor did I have control over how others behave/act and I can’t fix anyone other than myself. Once I realized this I was able to reflect and fully take accountability for my reactions it helped me begin to start the journey on healing my inner child thus helped me find what I lost in myself. My self love and my self respect. I’m happy with me as me and I’m in a much better and more secure place now.
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As someone who is breaking my anxious attachment and becoming more secure I’ve learned my anxiousness will always be there however it’s about learning how to regulate it by learning emotional regulation. Doing so allowed me to see abusive patterns and it helped me realize others actions and behaviors reflect on how they feel about themselves not about me nor did it reflect my worth/value nor did I have control over how others behave/act and I can’t fix anyone other than myself. Once I realized this I was able to reflect and fully take accountability for my reactions it helped me begin to start the journey on healing my inner child thus helped me find what I lost in myself. My self love and my self respect. I’m happy with me as me and I’m in a much better and more secure place now.
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solidfire2923
iv never realized that what i had was called an anxious attachmenet style, but looking into the video, everything just clicks.
and you posted this moments after a breakup, and i really think i can take some of this to help move on
but my ex wasnt at all limiting who i was, holding me back, or in any way a toxic person
so it might be harder for me, he was so encouraging, so supportive, constantly trying to get me to try new things.
He just wasnt ready for a relationship, which made me think a lot of the things about myself from the video, but i just gotta push those thoughts away for now. Maybe no contact will help.
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iv never realized that what i had was called an anxious attachmenet style, but looking into the video, everything just clicks.
and you posted this moments after a breakup, and i really think i can take some of this to help move on
but my ex wasnt at all limiting who i was, holding me back, or in any way a toxic person
so it might be harder for me, he was so encouraging, so supportive, constantly trying to get me to try new things.
He just wasnt ready for a relationship, which made me think a lot of the things about myself from the video, but i just gotta push those thoughts away for now. Maybe no contact will help.
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Melissa-g3p4
I used to think letting go just meant moving on, but it felt impossible. My mind would replay every moment, every conversation, like I was searching for some hidden answer that didn’t exist. I kept clinging to the idea that maybe, just maybe, things could’ve been different. But the truth I wasn’t holding onto themI was holding onto the version of them I wished was real. My friend actually recommended me a book called Shift Your Mind by Alexander Brooks, and it completely changed the way I saw things. If you're struggling to break free from that endless loop of overthinking, this book might be exactly what you need.
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I used to think letting go just meant moving on, but it felt impossible. My mind would replay every moment, every conversation, like I was searching for some hidden answer that didn’t exist. I kept clinging to the idea that maybe, just maybe, things could’ve been different. But the truth I wasn’t holding onto themI was holding onto the version of them I wished was real. My friend actually recommended me a book called Shift Your Mind by Alexander Brooks, and it completely changed the way I saw things. If you're struggling to break free from that endless loop of overthinking, this book might be exactly what you need.
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siennaprice1351
I used to be anxiously attached. But I now believe I’m avoidant. Asking for emotional support is something I refuse to do. I self cope and handle everything on my own. Getting close to someone, being open and vulnerable is something I don’t like doing. I bottle my feelings, self cope, will not reach out to anyone, even if it is someone I do trust. The only person I talk to is my music therapists. Otherwise, I just pressure and force myself to be strong 24/7, toughen the fck up and get the fck over it already and grow the fck up! Even if I need to actually slap myself in order to get over how I’m feeling.
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I used to be anxiously attached. But I now believe I’m avoidant. Asking for emotional support is something I refuse to do. I self cope and handle everything on my own. Getting close to someone, being open and vulnerable is something I don’t like doing. I bottle my feelings, self cope, will not reach out to anyone, even if it is someone I do trust. The only person I talk to is my music therapists. Otherwise, I just pressure and force myself to be strong 24/7, toughen the fck up and get the fck over it already and grow the fck up! Even if I need to actually slap myself in order to get over how I’m feeling.
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psych2go
Thanks. I needed this video. You saved me. I fell in love with an Egyptian colleague a few years ago. I've never loved like this. I even thought I had a soul connection with this woman. I waited so long for a return from this person despite the mistakes she had made. Before I realized that we are the choices we make, and that this person chose someone else. I suffered enormously (dark night of the soul, insomnia, chronic anger. Today I understand that this love was one-sided, that it was the idea of this person that I truly fell in love with. Thank you to your team. Your videos are a blessing.
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Thanks. I needed this video. You saved me. I fell in love with an Egyptian colleague a few years ago. I've never loved like this. I even thought I had a soul connection with this woman. I waited so long for a return from this person despite the mistakes she had made. Before I realized that we are the choices we make, and that this person chose someone else. I suffered enormously (dark night of the soul, insomnia, chronic anger. Today I understand that this love was one-sided, that it was the idea of this person that I truly fell in love with. Thank you to your team. Your videos are a blessing.
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NickNappi-j5o
I struggle with people not being patient enough and running away right after one mistake I make. I suffered abuse and neglect as a child and I need patience from others to be able to make it better when I am misunderstood. I am flawed but I want to make things right but most of the time I am not given the chance to make it right. It’s hard when I don’t have many people in my life. I often wonder what is so wrong with me that people find so undesirable. I don’t understand why. I am different and very unique but I am not bad or have bad intentions. Do I just do not get it.
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I struggle with people not being patient enough and running away right after one mistake I make. I suffered abuse and neglect as a child and I need patience from others to be able to make it better when I am misunderstood. I am flawed but I want to make things right but most of the time I am not given the chance to make it right. It’s hard when I don’t have many people in my life. I often wonder what is so wrong with me that people find so undesirable. I don’t understand why. I am different and very unique but I am not bad or have bad intentions. Do I just do not get it.
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GOOFYNERDIES
I’m scared of people leaving me. So I constantly try to be the best friend in the world, but instead, they just use me and leave me. I kind of have a fear of being alone, or someone leaving me. I would beg on my knees for someone to stay and be my bestfriend. But sometimes, they aren’t the best. I have one friend which I told that I do sh, and a couple weeks later. She now draws scars on my hands over my healed ones, and says look omg, it’s sh! So depressing. And that made me detach from her. Other than that, I would do anything for anyone to make them be my friend.
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I’m scared of people leaving me. So I constantly try to be the best friend in the world, but instead, they just use me and leave me. I kind of have a fear of being alone, or someone leaving me. I would beg on my knees for someone to stay and be my bestfriend. But sometimes, they aren’t the best. I have one friend which I told that I do sh, and a couple weeks later. She now draws scars on my hands over my healed ones, and says look omg, it’s sh! So depressing. And that made me detach from her. Other than that, I would do anything for anyone to make them be my friend.
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HannahMmmBanana
Man, why are you guys feeding into their ego I find it irritating that the people in control of this whole situation allowed this person to subject me to basically cyberbullying for months because they have more connections and power. Based on a LIE! Everyone took their side, smeared my name, and idk what they told you all, but they kept finding ways to slip through and remind me that they were still watching. Just made a brand new tumblr and my for you page was filled with nothing but the same soft rejection, messages. This is so over dramatic. Enough now please.
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Man, why are you guys feeding into their ego I find it irritating that the people in control of this whole situation allowed this person to subject me to basically cyberbullying for months because they have more connections and power. Based on a LIE! Everyone took their side, smeared my name, and idk what they told you all, but they kept finding ways to slip through and remind me that they were still watching. Just made a brand new tumblr and my for you page was filled with nothing but the same soft rejection, messages. This is so over dramatic. Enough now please.
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siennaprice1351
I used to be anxiously attached. But I now believe I’m avoidant. Asking for emotional support is something I refuse to do. I self cope and handle everything on my own. Getting close to someone, being open and vulnerable is something I don’t like doing. I bottle my feelings, self cope, will not reach out to anyone, even if it is someone I do trust. The only person I talk to is my music therapists. Otherwise, I just pressure and force myself to be strong 24/7, toughen the fck up and get the fck over it already and grow the fck up!
reply
I used to be anxiously attached. But I now believe I’m avoidant. Asking for emotional support is something I refuse to do. I self cope and handle everything on my own. Getting close to someone, being open and vulnerable is something I don’t like doing. I bottle my feelings, self cope, will not reach out to anyone, even if it is someone I do trust. The only person I talk to is my music therapists. Otherwise, I just pressure and force myself to be strong 24/7, toughen the fck up and get the fck over it already and grow the fck up!
reply
CoolLegend82
I have anxious attachment that it's hard to let go of any person around me, some months ago something happened between me and my crush, and my anxious attachment made her believe that i was guilt tripping her about peoples leaving me, that got her avoidant attachment towards me, It's difficult for both anxious and avoidant attachment peoples to stay in a relationship as they are the exact opposite, the key to it is communication and seeing their side as well, that's how I made it up to her and we are officially couples now.
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I have anxious attachment that it's hard to let go of any person around me, some months ago something happened between me and my crush, and my anxious attachment made her believe that i was guilt tripping her about peoples leaving me, that got her avoidant attachment towards me, It's difficult for both anxious and avoidant attachment peoples to stay in a relationship as they are the exact opposite, the key to it is communication and seeing their side as well, that's how I made it up to her and we are officially couples now.
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adamwarlock2099
I am doing all the right things. I have been no contact for almost 3 years now. I don't check her social media anymore. I haven't reached out to her. I avoid places I might accidently run into her. But I just can't get her out of my head. I am going to try the steps in this video. I actually got agitated during the idealization part because I am thinking she is the perfect woman and I don't like people suggesting otherwise. Thank you for this video Psych2Go.
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I am doing all the right things. I have been no contact for almost 3 years now. I don't check her social media anymore. I haven't reached out to her. I avoid places I might accidently run into her. But I just can't get her out of my head. I am going to try the steps in this video. I actually got agitated during the idealization part because I am thinking she is the perfect woman and I don't like people suggesting otherwise. Thank you for this video Psych2Go.
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AzureKnight2
I think this is great, but I thought that, based on the title, it would be about changing our attachment style overall. I think the focus on dealing with a breakup while anxiously attached is absolutely worthwhile, but doesn't help too much for those of us that have never been in a relationship. I'm in my late 30's and trying to fix myself, so what to do about an anxious attachment style before trying to date again would be super helpful.
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I think this is great, but I thought that, based on the title, it would be about changing our attachment style overall. I think the focus on dealing with a breakup while anxiously attached is absolutely worthwhile, but doesn't help too much for those of us that have never been in a relationship. I'm in my late 30's and trying to fix myself, so what to do about an anxious attachment style before trying to date again would be super helpful.
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RobfJennings
This video really hits home for me. The person I was seeing wasn't someone toxic, she's been a wonderful friend for the past 8 months, but letting go has been a challenge. That self doubt, the wondering if I'd ever be able to be emotionally vulnerable like that with someone else, wondering if my lingering feelings were a nuisance. But even this is something I can grow from. I have to remember that.
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This video really hits home for me. The person I was seeing wasn't someone toxic, she's been a wonderful friend for the past 8 months, but letting go has been a challenge. That self doubt, the wondering if I'd ever be able to be emotionally vulnerable like that with someone else, wondering if my lingering feelings were a nuisance. But even this is something I can grow from. I have to remember that.
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jojoojo8768
Also, please a video on how to let go of someone who has an avoidant attachment style and you've been pushed away from. It feels like I'm not good enough all the time, whereas I rationally see that it was actually not me (believe me, I've thought and talked about it for hours and to many people. But precisely because everything looked so good, it hurts so much and my heart can't comprehend it
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Also, please a video on how to let go of someone who has an avoidant attachment style and you've been pushed away from. It feels like I'm not good enough all the time, whereas I rationally see that it was actually not me (believe me, I've thought and talked about it for hours and to many people. But precisely because everything looked so good, it hurts so much and my heart can't comprehend it
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Carter33xz
Four things I wish I had learned sooner:
1. Thoughts are not factsmost of them just pass through like clouds.
2. Meditation isn’t about controlling the mind, but about understanding it.
3. Shift Your Mind by Alexander Brooks finally made mindfulness make sense to me. (no more anxiety)
4. Walking in nature is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to reset the mind.
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Four things I wish I had learned sooner:
1. Thoughts are not factsmost of them just pass through like clouds.
2. Meditation isn’t about controlling the mind, but about understanding it.
3. Shift Your Mind by Alexander Brooks finally made mindfulness make sense to me. (no more anxiety)
4. Walking in nature is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to reset the mind.
reply
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