What To Do If You're Touch Starved
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Date: 2024-10-26
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Comments and reviews: 20
lachlanparker570
My touch starvation is because I don't have a partner. I am a very affectionate person (which is obvious for anyone who has been me interact with my fur-babies, and the absence of a girlfriend sometimes makes my touch starvation skyrocket. Dating apps are useless (even though I found who I believe to be my perfect match earlier today, but she hasn't reciprocated the interest, and I struggle to get out of the house as a result of multiple mental disabilities, including tier 2 Autism Spectrum Disorder and Executive Function Disorder, so I'm basically at a dead end. Even do get fortnightly massage therapy sessions, things are far too severe. Also, I dare not ask my mother for more than the routine hugs (for my mental health) because it would be unfair to her in my opinion because I want more than is fair on anyone with whom I am not romantically involved.
Side note: involved sounds like a less than genuine work in this context, although I failed to justify a substitute for two minutes.
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My touch starvation is because I don't have a partner. I am a very affectionate person (which is obvious for anyone who has been me interact with my fur-babies, and the absence of a girlfriend sometimes makes my touch starvation skyrocket. Dating apps are useless (even though I found who I believe to be my perfect match earlier today, but she hasn't reciprocated the interest, and I struggle to get out of the house as a result of multiple mental disabilities, including tier 2 Autism Spectrum Disorder and Executive Function Disorder, so I'm basically at a dead end. Even do get fortnightly massage therapy sessions, things are far too severe. Also, I dare not ask my mother for more than the routine hugs (for my mental health) because it would be unfair to her in my opinion because I want more than is fair on anyone with whom I am not romantically involved.
Side note: involved sounds like a less than genuine work in this context, although I failed to justify a substitute for two minutes.
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Gamer-jv3zg
Yeah for a long time I denied touches, especially during my really painful years(thanks to my parents divorce they caused a lot of pain) but I wanted to stay strong, now present day I almost constantly want a hug, but I get uncomfortable to ask since a of people I know aren’t comfortable with it, however my closest friends love to give me hugs, well now I’m in college far away from those who could give me hugs which is my family friendsI would ask my roommates who I’ve become close with but umm no, I’m way to awkward to ask for hugs or any physical touch, though one of my roommates give me head pats which gives me a straight up high feeling of affection and happiness, the fact that I get excited with a simple pat just shows how long I’ve denied it-
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Yeah for a long time I denied touches, especially during my really painful years(thanks to my parents divorce they caused a lot of pain) but I wanted to stay strong, now present day I almost constantly want a hug, but I get uncomfortable to ask since a of people I know aren’t comfortable with it, however my closest friends love to give me hugs, well now I’m in college far away from those who could give me hugs which is my family friendsI would ask my roommates who I’ve become close with but umm no, I’m way to awkward to ask for hugs or any physical touch, though one of my roommates give me head pats which gives me a straight up high feeling of affection and happiness, the fact that I get excited with a simple pat just shows how long I’ve denied it-
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trymbruset3868
Getting a dog is a really good advice actually, getting a horse is even better. You can hug them, they're big, warm, affectionate and really pick up on your mood when you hang around them. I try to never rely on other people meeting my needs, sometimes they do sometimes they don't, and I shouldn't leave my own well-being up to that throw of a die. Horses are a bit more work, but they're entirely reliable and not that complex. They can be expensive, but you can also offer to help out someone with a horse for free just to hang out with them once a week, and I can assure you a lot of horse owners would welcome the opportunity for a day off here and there.
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Getting a dog is a really good advice actually, getting a horse is even better. You can hug them, they're big, warm, affectionate and really pick up on your mood when you hang around them. I try to never rely on other people meeting my needs, sometimes they do sometimes they don't, and I shouldn't leave my own well-being up to that throw of a die. Horses are a bit more work, but they're entirely reliable and not that complex. They can be expensive, but you can also offer to help out someone with a horse for free just to hang out with them once a week, and I can assure you a lot of horse owners would welcome the opportunity for a day off here and there.
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WillGrahm_kinnie
I honestly absolutely HATE touch, i dont like skin-on-skin, its a wierd feeling. But im also very touch starved. When i had hamsters i would cuddle them gently to my chest, letting them walk around on my body, it felt nice. But now that my hamster is dead for almost 2 years (two of them are dead for almost 5 years now) (i had 2 hamsters when I was 9 and 1 when I was 13) dont have any animals, cuz my brother is allergic to cats, and my flat is too small for a dog. I always wanted rats but my mom doesnt want them. And now im left with me and myself.
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I honestly absolutely HATE touch, i dont like skin-on-skin, its a wierd feeling. But im also very touch starved. When i had hamsters i would cuddle them gently to my chest, letting them walk around on my body, it felt nice. But now that my hamster is dead for almost 2 years (two of them are dead for almost 5 years now) (i had 2 hamsters when I was 9 and 1 when I was 13) dont have any animals, cuz my brother is allergic to cats, and my flat is too small for a dog. I always wanted rats but my mom doesnt want them. And now im left with me and myself.
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psych2go
We all know the real way to deal with touch starvation is to embrace it because the longer you go without contact the more acclimated you become to that solitude, whilst simultaneously becoming increasingly aware of how long its been - so you avoid opportunities (or the pursuit of) because the only thing worse than it continuing is the potential of it continuing with recent memories the remind you of what you're missing.
Nothing like some learned helplessness sprinkled with an unhealthy fear of losing built up tolerance/acclimatisation am I right
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We all know the real way to deal with touch starvation is to embrace it because the longer you go without contact the more acclimated you become to that solitude, whilst simultaneously becoming increasingly aware of how long its been - so you avoid opportunities (or the pursuit of) because the only thing worse than it continuing is the potential of it continuing with recent memories the remind you of what you're missing.
Nothing like some learned helplessness sprinkled with an unhealthy fear of losing built up tolerance/acclimatisation am I right
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secretly_a_person
For as long as I can remember I haven't had much contact with people, I guess when I was little I didn't really feel the need for it. over time it became something I actively avoid, I developed a fear of disgusting people, of smelling bad, of being sweaty etc. I've gotten to the point that even when my friends try to hug me I instinctively pull back or freeze completely. rationally I know it doesn't make sense but my first reaction to the contact remains fear and embarrassment even if I crave it
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For as long as I can remember I haven't had much contact with people, I guess when I was little I didn't really feel the need for it. over time it became something I actively avoid, I developed a fear of disgusting people, of smelling bad, of being sweaty etc. I've gotten to the point that even when my friends try to hug me I instinctively pull back or freeze completely. rationally I know it doesn't make sense but my first reaction to the contact remains fear and embarrassment even if I crave it
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Kurazx94
My friends hate physical touch and lately ive noticed that for me it really feels like a distance even though i know my friends like me, or at least i know that for my best friend. But im not even allowed to hug her or take her hand sometimes and it makes it really hard for me. I understand that she hates touch and theres nothing i can do about it and i dont want to force myself on her, but i really wanted to share MY problem of not being able to hug her and stuff to anyone.
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My friends hate physical touch and lately ive noticed that for me it really feels like a distance even though i know my friends like me, or at least i know that for my best friend. But im not even allowed to hug her or take her hand sometimes and it makes it really hard for me. I understand that she hates touch and theres nothing i can do about it and i dont want to force myself on her, but i really wanted to share MY problem of not being able to hug her and stuff to anyone.
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chewsday5760
My daily physical touch routine:
- hug mom before leaving the house
- give pets and/or kisses to (willing) cats, attempt to hug if needed
- hug mom upon arrival at home
- use thick blanket and hug pillow when sleeping, hug a plushie if needed
I'm not close enough with my coworkers to touch them often, so I always make the best of the time when I'm hanging out with my friends, like hugging, leaning on their shoulder, holding hands or linking arms.
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My daily physical touch routine:
- hug mom before leaving the house
- give pets and/or kisses to (willing) cats, attempt to hug if needed
- hug mom upon arrival at home
- use thick blanket and hug pillow when sleeping, hug a plushie if needed
I'm not close enough with my coworkers to touch them often, so I always make the best of the time when I'm hanging out with my friends, like hugging, leaning on their shoulder, holding hands or linking arms.
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education
The problem is that you can't cuddle with someone who you can't trust. and who can you trust these days Most people are selfish and superficial. Especially men, but not only. And after having traumatic experiences with people you once trusted, you can't touch and allow being touched again easily. It hurts and we naturally tend to protect ourselves from being hurt again. The new person could be a beautiful soul, or a lethal psychopath. You never know.
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The problem is that you can't cuddle with someone who you can't trust. and who can you trust these days Most people are selfish and superficial. Especially men, but not only. And after having traumatic experiences with people you once trusted, you can't touch and allow being touched again easily. It hurts and we naturally tend to protect ourselves from being hurt again. The new person could be a beautiful soul, or a lethal psychopath. You never know.
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Posi2Mind
Could it be that by focusing so much on the need for physical touch, we overlook the fact that finding inner peace within ourselves is the most solid foundation Loneliness and emptiness often go far beyond a lack of physical connection. Instead of just seeking connection from the outside, maybe what’s more valuable is learning to love ourselves from within. When we’re truly in harmony with ourselves, all other connections will come naturally
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Could it be that by focusing so much on the need for physical touch, we overlook the fact that finding inner peace within ourselves is the most solid foundation Loneliness and emptiness often go far beyond a lack of physical connection. Instead of just seeking connection from the outside, maybe what’s more valuable is learning to love ourselves from within. When we’re truly in harmony with ourselves, all other connections will come naturally
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grim_dave
. I was on an aisle seat of an airplane from a holiday home, and a stewardess who was a tiny bit curvier than the average stewardess was rubbing against my shoulder for the better part of 5 minutes which felt like 3 years serving a particular person a row behind me some food and specific drink requests. Needless to say I've put my chronically single ass on some dating apps ever since
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. I was on an aisle seat of an airplane from a holiday home, and a stewardess who was a tiny bit curvier than the average stewardess was rubbing against my shoulder for the better part of 5 minutes which felt like 3 years serving a particular person a row behind me some food and specific drink requests. Needless to say I've put my chronically single ass on some dating apps ever since
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ddilly9825
I want to add to be careful about sharing your vulnerabilities with someone if they are abusive, whether it's physical or emotional abuse. Feeling touch starved and unable to share your thoughts and emotions go hand in hand with abuse. So be careful how much you open up to others, be selective about who you share your inner self with, you're too precious for the wrong people.
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I want to add to be careful about sharing your vulnerabilities with someone if they are abusive, whether it's physical or emotional abuse. Feeling touch starved and unable to share your thoughts and emotions go hand in hand with abuse. So be careful how much you open up to others, be selective about who you share your inner self with, you're too precious for the wrong people.
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yusra_qasem
I used to ask for a hug whenever I was in a miserable situation; I just needed someone to tell me everything would be okay. However, I was always rejected. Eventually, I learned that you don’t need others to calm you downyou can soothe yourself by distracting yourself from the problem. I know this isn’t the best approach, but we don’t live in an ideal world.
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I used to ask for a hug whenever I was in a miserable situation; I just needed someone to tell me everything would be okay. However, I was always rejected. Eventually, I learned that you don’t need others to calm you downyou can soothe yourself by distracting yourself from the problem. I know this isn’t the best approach, but we don’t live in an ideal world.
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psych2go
I’ve been touch starved for a while now. My parents live in a different state and I barely contact my closest family and friends. Sometimes on my way home from work, I just want a hug, but it hurts knowing that there’s no one at my place to share that hug. I also tried signing up for a ceramics class to connect with people, but they were unfortunately full.
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I’ve been touch starved for a while now. My parents live in a different state and I barely contact my closest family and friends. Sometimes on my way home from work, I just want a hug, but it hurts knowing that there’s no one at my place to share that hug. I also tried signing up for a ceramics class to connect with people, but they were unfortunately full.
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JustJuru
As much as I love Your chanell and videos, I must highly disagree about guinea pigs being great touch-companions. Yes, we can teach them to percieve us as friendly, food source, but in their roots, GP's are natural prey animals and they prefer to stay in their safe and cozy enviroment, we should not enforce them to be touched and be touched by them.
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As much as I love Your chanell and videos, I must highly disagree about guinea pigs being great touch-companions. Yes, we can teach them to percieve us as friendly, food source, but in their roots, GP's are natural prey animals and they prefer to stay in their safe and cozy enviroment, we should not enforce them to be touched and be touched by them.
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Ante-Anima
Each of this advice is good, but they also explain how one could stumble in some unhealthy behaviours:
Activities involving physical touch: hiring escorts or becoming one
Self-touch: masturbation addiction
Strenghen existing relationships: sectarism
Cultivate emotional intimacy: latch on someone you definitively shouldnt latch on.
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Each of this advice is good, but they also explain how one could stumble in some unhealthy behaviours:
Activities involving physical touch: hiring escorts or becoming one
Self-touch: masturbation addiction
Strenghen existing relationships: sectarism
Cultivate emotional intimacy: latch on someone you definitively shouldnt latch on.
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CArcherOwl
As a single autistic guy in his early 20s, this hits close to home. The worst part for me is seeing everyone I know finding someone, and starting to wonder. Wonder if it's a problem with you, what you're missing. Wonder if this feeling of loneliness and starvation is all you'll get. Wonder when it's your turn to find someone.
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As a single autistic guy in his early 20s, this hits close to home. The worst part for me is seeing everyone I know finding someone, and starting to wonder. Wonder if it's a problem with you, what you're missing. Wonder if this feeling of loneliness and starvation is all you'll get. Wonder when it's your turn to find someone.
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Shadow1Yaz
What if none of this works The self touch and meditation eventually stopped working, I’m too poor to join communities (can’t travel there anyways) and my romantic partner lives in another country (we’re very emotionally close though) and the loved ones around me barely tolerate me.
Am I just doomed
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What if none of this works The self touch and meditation eventually stopped working, I’m too poor to join communities (can’t travel there anyways) and my romantic partner lives in another country (we’re very emotionally close though) and the loved ones around me barely tolerate me.
Am I just doomed
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Ardra-m6i
I've been craving a hug. I want to be engulfed into the deep & tight embrace of someone I mean the world to. To drown myself in the warmth & scent of my beloved. But what can I say, I am just a single woman. Maybe, just maybe I will be able to experience it once, someday.
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I've been craving a hug. I want to be engulfed into the deep & tight embrace of someone I mean the world to. To drown myself in the warmth & scent of my beloved. But what can I say, I am just a single woman. Maybe, just maybe I will be able to experience it once, someday.
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psych2go
There was a study in the 1870s where they got kids at various stages of life and would starve them of all touch. They would feed babies through tubes and not touch the toddlers at all. The toddlers grew up to be extremely irritable people and all of the babies died.
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There was a study in the 1870s where they got kids at various stages of life and would starve them of all touch. They would feed babies through tubes and not touch the toddlers at all. The toddlers grew up to be extremely irritable people and all of the babies died.
reply
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