7 Signs Someone is TOO Into You (Limerence)
video description
The thing is that the idealization is not equal with the real person.
Since I started journaling it helped me to understand the reasons and needs I have to work on myself.
Date: 2024-04-30
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Comments and reviews: 19
psych2go
I hope someone sees this and helps me. I had this person who was very affectionate, they would always get super excited to see me and were clingy physically. This was all too new to me because im not affectionate, i don't enjoy being touched and i've never been in a relationship. But they were interested in me and they told me so but i wasn't. After some time passed i think i might have developed feelings for them during the summer break cause i missed them a lot and would always wonder if they were okay. We went back to school and i was determined to understand my feelings. I found myself being overly nervous around them, i would also seek them out but i was also very dismissive. I would avoid them but also want to see them. Anyway they moved on and i tried to do the same. We stopped talking a lot because i was being respectful but most importantly because my life fell apart and has been for years now so i stopped talking to people in general. Since 2020 things have been falling apart, for that reason i'm always fantasizing about my life. And since 2022 i've had this massive decline and all of this happened during this time. We started talking a bit the following year. And everything was good and friendly. We aren't in the same school anymore, so i tried to keep contact i guess that put strain on our friendship and they no longer seem to care about me. I should move on because it seems they have but in my fantasies where i live out the life i can't afford to have i have them in my life at some capacity. We are either friends, or they have the same enthusiasm as they did when we first met or i just think about what could have been if i liked them back. Btw my fantasies aren't naughty or anything it basically me getting good grades and making money to support my family and then i hangout with them sometimes. You know just normal ordinary life that i don't live. I barely leave my house. I've left my house less than 10 times since August last year, that's why i always live in my head. My problem isn't even this person i'm just so tired of having to constantly live in my head. Most times i don't even get to fantasize i just recount where it all went wrong in my life it's so very exhausting. There's nothing i can do to stop these thoughts. I want to let them go like they have done with me, i want to focus on my life like i'm supposed to, i don't want to be overwhelmed by thoughts and fantasies. It's been 2 years since i've been overly worried or attached to them and 4 years since ive been living in my head constantly. Please someone see this and advise me. I feel like i don't like but then sometimes i just get so overwhelmed on how oblivious i was or the thoughts of what could have been. I don't know man. I just feel so pathetic because of how attached i seem too be especially since they don't really want to talk to me and don't feel the same way anymore
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I hope someone sees this and helps me. I had this person who was very affectionate, they would always get super excited to see me and were clingy physically. This was all too new to me because im not affectionate, i don't enjoy being touched and i've never been in a relationship. But they were interested in me and they told me so but i wasn't. After some time passed i think i might have developed feelings for them during the summer break cause i missed them a lot and would always wonder if they were okay. We went back to school and i was determined to understand my feelings. I found myself being overly nervous around them, i would also seek them out but i was also very dismissive. I would avoid them but also want to see them. Anyway they moved on and i tried to do the same. We stopped talking a lot because i was being respectful but most importantly because my life fell apart and has been for years now so i stopped talking to people in general. Since 2020 things have been falling apart, for that reason i'm always fantasizing about my life. And since 2022 i've had this massive decline and all of this happened during this time. We started talking a bit the following year. And everything was good and friendly. We aren't in the same school anymore, so i tried to keep contact i guess that put strain on our friendship and they no longer seem to care about me. I should move on because it seems they have but in my fantasies where i live out the life i can't afford to have i have them in my life at some capacity. We are either friends, or they have the same enthusiasm as they did when we first met or i just think about what could have been if i liked them back. Btw my fantasies aren't naughty or anything it basically me getting good grades and making money to support my family and then i hangout with them sometimes. You know just normal ordinary life that i don't live. I barely leave my house. I've left my house less than 10 times since August last year, that's why i always live in my head. My problem isn't even this person i'm just so tired of having to constantly live in my head. Most times i don't even get to fantasize i just recount where it all went wrong in my life it's so very exhausting. There's nothing i can do to stop these thoughts. I want to let them go like they have done with me, i want to focus on my life like i'm supposed to, i don't want to be overwhelmed by thoughts and fantasies. It's been 2 years since i've been overly worried or attached to them and 4 years since ive been living in my head constantly. Please someone see this and advise me. I feel like i don't like but then sometimes i just get so overwhelmed on how oblivious i was or the thoughts of what could have been. I don't know man. I just feel so pathetic because of how attached i seem too be especially since they don't really want to talk to me and don't feel the same way anymore
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replicatedinsanity
My journey of being limerent started last year in March, and to tell the truth, it wasn't that the other person wasn't interested in me, they were also interested but not to the intense extent that I was. Maybe it was because it was MY first time finding that idealized personality and intellectual persona I had been seeking without even realizing. Attraction that happens without awareness can be more strenuous than when you're aware and have an ideal. I had never truly had an ideal, I simply turned them into an ideal of what I thought I was seekingor at least, that's what I convinced myself of because the experience felt surreal. Let's be honest, I also had free time after many months, so that played a role too.
So, recognizing that limerence was taking over my other activities, even the smallest ones, made me realize it was wrong. At first, I thought it was love, but being my first experience with such intense emotions, I felt like I knew nothing. The grip of limerence was overwhelming; it seemed to consume me constantly. When I finally took steps to distance myself, things became clearer, though not entirely. By going no contact after June, I came to understand that what I had mistaken for love was just limerence, fueled by my naturally obsessive nature. Whether it's work, academic success, or fixation on anything, I tend to get fixated easily. Now, after a year, fortunately, I function normally and am genuinely okay without them.
Although I still admire them and hold love and respect for them in my heart, the obsession has faded as it should. So, the best advice I would give to anyone going through the same situation is to assess their feelings properly and create some distance to actually discover the truth.
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My journey of being limerent started last year in March, and to tell the truth, it wasn't that the other person wasn't interested in me, they were also interested but not to the intense extent that I was. Maybe it was because it was MY first time finding that idealized personality and intellectual persona I had been seeking without even realizing. Attraction that happens without awareness can be more strenuous than when you're aware and have an ideal. I had never truly had an ideal, I simply turned them into an ideal of what I thought I was seekingor at least, that's what I convinced myself of because the experience felt surreal. Let's be honest, I also had free time after many months, so that played a role too.
So, recognizing that limerence was taking over my other activities, even the smallest ones, made me realize it was wrong. At first, I thought it was love, but being my first experience with such intense emotions, I felt like I knew nothing. The grip of limerence was overwhelming; it seemed to consume me constantly. When I finally took steps to distance myself, things became clearer, though not entirely. By going no contact after June, I came to understand that what I had mistaken for love was just limerence, fueled by my naturally obsessive nature. Whether it's work, academic success, or fixation on anything, I tend to get fixated easily. Now, after a year, fortunately, I function normally and am genuinely okay without them.
Although I still admire them and hold love and respect for them in my heart, the obsession has faded as it should. So, the best advice I would give to anyone going through the same situation is to assess their feelings properly and create some distance to actually discover the truth.
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ElPaume1
Happened to me for 2 years. This girl had a crush on me and at first, I thought that it was just a small crush and she'll get over it after she tried finding ways to talk to me or randomly popping up where I was. After a while, anyone would notice. I thought she'd give up when I displayed absolutely zero interest in her but it got worse. It got to the point of her lying about us being in a relationship and telling people that I'm the one whose infatuated with her and that I only see her despite us barely ever talking. One girl even noticed this and asked her then why have I not looked or even talked to her to which she kept quiet. People who dream of having someone whose obsessed with them shouldn't. The person is obsessed with the image they have of you. This girl even once claimed to her friends that I had some sort of abilities. Yes, I mean superpowers. How I'll never know. If communication doesn't work, ignore them, seek help from friends, talk to a guardian or a trustworthy adult. If all else fails, consider reporting it to officials. Honestly glad my case wasn't those ones where the person stalks or kidnaps you. Won't dive any further into detail just in case she finds this
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Happened to me for 2 years. This girl had a crush on me and at first, I thought that it was just a small crush and she'll get over it after she tried finding ways to talk to me or randomly popping up where I was. After a while, anyone would notice. I thought she'd give up when I displayed absolutely zero interest in her but it got worse. It got to the point of her lying about us being in a relationship and telling people that I'm the one whose infatuated with her and that I only see her despite us barely ever talking. One girl even noticed this and asked her then why have I not looked or even talked to her to which she kept quiet. People who dream of having someone whose obsessed with them shouldn't. The person is obsessed with the image they have of you. This girl even once claimed to her friends that I had some sort of abilities. Yes, I mean superpowers. How I'll never know. If communication doesn't work, ignore them, seek help from friends, talk to a guardian or a trustworthy adult. If all else fails, consider reporting it to officials. Honestly glad my case wasn't those ones where the person stalks or kidnaps you. Won't dive any further into detail just in case she finds this
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driftingdruid
some of these can come from autistic individuals (diagnosed or undiagnosed) feeling an intense passion towards you (usually as a result of our isolation from multiple experiences of social rejection, then finally being accepted by someone after a long social drought of sorts.
the behaviors you might observe from one such autistic individual:
- constant contact (we can still be educated on respecting boundaries and timing messages for this is when i'm usually available)
- loss of identity (laser-beam focus of getting to know you to the point that they want to study everything about you. might not actually be a total loss of sense of self, just tends to come across as an obsession)
- kinda but maybe not can't take no for an answer (we do question &/or debate to try to understand why we're refused, but our questioning is not necessarily a refusal of your refusal, we're just trying to understand. usually after clarifying the why and how of the what, we can understand, presuming that the autistic individual involved has enough maturity and emotional stability to meet halfway in this conversation)
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some of these can come from autistic individuals (diagnosed or undiagnosed) feeling an intense passion towards you (usually as a result of our isolation from multiple experiences of social rejection, then finally being accepted by someone after a long social drought of sorts.
the behaviors you might observe from one such autistic individual:
- constant contact (we can still be educated on respecting boundaries and timing messages for this is when i'm usually available)
- loss of identity (laser-beam focus of getting to know you to the point that they want to study everything about you. might not actually be a total loss of sense of self, just tends to come across as an obsession)
- kinda but maybe not can't take no for an answer (we do question &/or debate to try to understand why we're refused, but our questioning is not necessarily a refusal of your refusal, we're just trying to understand. usually after clarifying the why and how of the what, we can understand, presuming that the autistic individual involved has enough maturity and emotional stability to meet halfway in this conversation)
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thederf4321
I'm actually glad I came across this video!
I've only recently started putting myself back out there. I went out for the first time with a girl, and I found myself really attaching myself internally towards her, and perhaps started showing some of these signs that were mentioned. However, I am catching myself doing this, and so I've been taking a step back to really think about what I'm doing and if it's healthy or not. Basically I'm fighting against my strong emotions, but I do need to keep myself in check or else I could find myself really going down this road of Limerence. Hence I'm glad I came across this video which helped me make some sense of what I've been feeling, and how to proceed in a healthier way, even though it's easier said than done
I really do like this girl, but she said she was moving soon, and so, I had to really respect her decisions for herself, and try to calm my feelings towards her down. It just sucks because she really is an incredible person
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I'm actually glad I came across this video!
I've only recently started putting myself back out there. I went out for the first time with a girl, and I found myself really attaching myself internally towards her, and perhaps started showing some of these signs that were mentioned. However, I am catching myself doing this, and so I've been taking a step back to really think about what I'm doing and if it's healthy or not. Basically I'm fighting against my strong emotions, but I do need to keep myself in check or else I could find myself really going down this road of Limerence. Hence I'm glad I came across this video which helped me make some sense of what I've been feeling, and how to proceed in a healthier way, even though it's easier said than done
I really do like this girl, but she said she was moving soon, and so, I had to really respect her decisions for herself, and try to calm my feelings towards her down. It just sucks because she really is an incredible person
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polishfinnish3066
In my opinion if you say no and they ask why You should explain your feelings why you feel that way and say I need to be by myself. If you just ignore their messages it starts to become ghosting which can be considered emotional abuse since it’s intentional.
To some who say you don’t owe them anythingmy response would be you’re likely not being the better person by ignoring and not explaining. Being the better person isn’t easy, it can be hard. Ultimately this is natures test of your parenting skills since they need to explain the world to a child who likely doesn’t know. If you can’t explain the toughest topic then perhaps it’s a sign you haven’t fully matured either and that’s okay. If you’ve explained yourself and they still don’t understand you may move along at anytime you see fit; just bow out respectfully.
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In my opinion if you say no and they ask why You should explain your feelings why you feel that way and say I need to be by myself. If you just ignore their messages it starts to become ghosting which can be considered emotional abuse since it’s intentional.
To some who say you don’t owe them anythingmy response would be you’re likely not being the better person by ignoring and not explaining. Being the better person isn’t easy, it can be hard. Ultimately this is natures test of your parenting skills since they need to explain the world to a child who likely doesn’t know. If you can’t explain the toughest topic then perhaps it’s a sign you haven’t fully matured either and that’s okay. If you’ve explained yourself and they still don’t understand you may move along at anytime you see fit; just bow out respectfully.
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godhimself2864
this is all bs folks. love someone the way you want to love them. if your love language in obsession, then be obsessive. if it's possessiveness, be possessive. if you tent be jealous quickly then be jealous. these are not negative traits. so, you don't have to change them. NEVER change yourself to get love. if you do change yourself to be more lovable then you will be loved but you won't be happy. you should remember that the world is a large place, and you WILL find someone who will accept everything you are and love you. don't listen to this type of bs videos and work on yourself to be better. remember none of the things he mentioned is negative qualities. these are just the way you love. so, improve yourself and work on your actual bad qualities, not to be more lovable but to make the one who makes you happy, happier.
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this is all bs folks. love someone the way you want to love them. if your love language in obsession, then be obsessive. if it's possessiveness, be possessive. if you tent be jealous quickly then be jealous. these are not negative traits. so, you don't have to change them. NEVER change yourself to get love. if you do change yourself to be more lovable then you will be loved but you won't be happy. you should remember that the world is a large place, and you WILL find someone who will accept everything you are and love you. don't listen to this type of bs videos and work on yourself to be better. remember none of the things he mentioned is negative qualities. these are just the way you love. so, improve yourself and work on your actual bad qualities, not to be more lovable but to make the one who makes you happy, happier.
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DevinJHiggins
I've spent the past few years working with therapists on how to change my behavior away from Limerence, which I developed as a kid to overcompensate for being abandoned by my family.
It's easier than most people think to start out in a position of genuine attraction/love for someone and have it devolve into Limerence due to trauma-induced anxiety and fear over rejection/abandonment.
That cost me a potential relationship with someone I loved very much, and over a decade later, I haven't dared go back into that arena again because I don't want the cycle to continue.
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I've spent the past few years working with therapists on how to change my behavior away from Limerence, which I developed as a kid to overcompensate for being abandoned by my family.
It's easier than most people think to start out in a position of genuine attraction/love for someone and have it devolve into Limerence due to trauma-induced anxiety and fear over rejection/abandonment.
That cost me a potential relationship with someone I loved very much, and over a decade later, I haven't dared go back into that arena again because I don't want the cycle to continue.
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wangcheng3940
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
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A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
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thelordcommander5
My limerance-antics came from my attachment wounds. I have c-PTSD and recovering. I was very exhausting to be around with and it also took a strain on me because I was desperately searching for a safe home and love outside of myself, especially from emotional unavailable people. It felt like an addiction and I believe I was addicted to my own stresshormones without realizing it. Now I am single for about two years now and I have to say: I like myself more.
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My limerance-antics came from my attachment wounds. I have c-PTSD and recovering. I was very exhausting to be around with and it also took a strain on me because I was desperately searching for a safe home and love outside of myself, especially from emotional unavailable people. It felt like an addiction and I believe I was addicted to my own stresshormones without realizing it. Now I am single for about two years now and I have to say: I like myself more.
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psych2go
I used to call my wife from work for years and years just to hear her and check on her and my son. I've been into lots of things in my life, but my woman has been the sole object of my desire for more than half my life and ain't nobody into me anymore. I wouldn't know if anyone was into me to begin with, but I have experienced and am guilty of this limerance stuff at places I've worked. I was fool for thinking I could find something lost in someone else.
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I used to call my wife from work for years and years just to hear her and check on her and my son. I've been into lots of things in my life, but my woman has been the sole object of my desire for more than half my life and ain't nobody into me anymore. I wouldn't know if anyone was into me to begin with, but I have experienced and am guilty of this limerance stuff at places I've worked. I was fool for thinking I could find something lost in someone else.
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Pizzathing
I was scared of being like this but then I realised, that the difference between a obsessed person and a person who truld loves you is that a person who is obsessed only cares about them and that they have you, meanwhile a person who loves you truly, wants you to be happy, and if you are in a relationship or ended a realtionship they keep a respectful distance and make sure that they dint cross bounderies
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I was scared of being like this but then I realised, that the difference between a obsessed person and a person who truld loves you is that a person who is obsessed only cares about them and that they have you, meanwhile a person who loves you truly, wants you to be happy, and if you are in a relationship or ended a realtionship they keep a respectful distance and make sure that they dint cross bounderies
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JustLuminal
I am currentky facing a situation like those
I have this friend who's for some reason obsessed with me, and I am just gentle and respectful towards her, nothing more. At first I didn't notice, but now it's overwhelming, jokes, pet names, and always telling me how attractive I am and openly flirting with me since its clear that you dont like me, its just a joke.
I only wanted a friend, gosh
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I am currentky facing a situation like those
I have this friend who's for some reason obsessed with me, and I am just gentle and respectful towards her, nothing more. At first I didn't notice, but now it's overwhelming, jokes, pet names, and always telling me how attractive I am and openly flirting with me since its clear that you dont like me, its just a joke.
I only wanted a friend, gosh
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jamisonburton7598
My sister's boyfriend is doing this. The whole family can see he's over eager and neglecting himself, manipulating and over doing it with gifts. She doesn't see it, only the emotionally neglected boy she thinks she can fix. Any hints on what to tell her to help her see this Or should I just let her make mistakes with this guy (It just doesn't seem like a good match)
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My sister's boyfriend is doing this. The whole family can see he's over eager and neglecting himself, manipulating and over doing it with gifts. She doesn't see it, only the emotionally neglected boy she thinks she can fix. Any hints on what to tell her to help her see this Or should I just let her make mistakes with this guy (It just doesn't seem like a good match)
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psych2go
Man, I fall into limerance so fricken easily. They don't even reciprocate attention and I'm all over the place. I've had to take up just shy of verbal self abuse in order to fight it. It's really easy to fall into when you don't receive enough attention from people, so you want to make sure those people feel like someone wants to pay attention to them and care for them.
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Man, I fall into limerance so fricken easily. They don't even reciprocate attention and I'm all over the place. I've had to take up just shy of verbal self abuse in order to fight it. It's really easy to fall into when you don't receive enough attention from people, so you want to make sure those people feel like someone wants to pay attention to them and care for them.
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ThunderDawg0
I was watching your videos yesterday and I cried so hard. I feel like a failure for not getting my ideal grades and I’m afraid I would not have a bright future.
I always wonder what went wrong with my life.
That was the first time in a while I cried so hard, and so much.
Thank you Psych2go for making me realise there is hope.
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I was watching your videos yesterday and I cried so hard. I feel like a failure for not getting my ideal grades and I’m afraid I would not have a bright future.
I always wonder what went wrong with my life.
That was the first time in a while I cried so hard, and so much.
Thank you Psych2go for making me realise there is hope.
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RadiantMantra
After meeting a person like this, it was buddhist teachings that taught me how
Loving someone is wishing for them to be happy
Fake love is wishing for the other person to make YOU happy.
Attachment and desire lead to suffering, and they'd be putting their happiness in the hands of another, in this case, us.
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After meeting a person like this, it was buddhist teachings that taught me how
Loving someone is wishing for them to be happy
Fake love is wishing for the other person to make YOU happy.
Attachment and desire lead to suffering, and they'd be putting their happiness in the hands of another, in this case, us.
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A55a551n
Timestamps
1. Constant contact 0: 46
2. Physical challenges 1: 08
3. Grand gestures 1: 37
4. Idealizing you 2: 11
5. Loss of identity 2: 37
6. Can't take no for an answer 3: 02
7. Extreme jealousy 3: 31
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late.
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Timestamps
1. Constant contact 0: 46
2. Physical challenges 1: 08
3. Grand gestures 1: 37
4. Idealizing you 2: 11
5. Loss of identity 2: 37
6. Can't take no for an answer 3: 02
7. Extreme jealousy 3: 31
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late.
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SylistheButcherr
Hahaha I’m too into somone and it shows but I still play it cool like I’m ok either way, it’s my way of letting somone know that although I want you I’m ok if you don’t want me cuz I love myself, plus I don’t like constantly worrying about if somone is cheating anyway.
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Hahaha I’m too into somone and it shows but I still play it cool like I’m ok either way, it’s my way of letting somone know that although I want you I’m ok if you don’t want me cuz I love myself, plus I don’t like constantly worrying about if somone is cheating anyway.
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