Do You Have Nice Guy or Girl Syndrome
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Date: 2024-07-21
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Comments and reviews: 20
Icu282
My trouble is I keep thinking I'm making friends with people online. But it always ends up as a one sided relationship. They're only my friend because I listen to them. But they don't actually want to listen to me, they just agree to everything I say without actually reading what I said.
Because at first I believe they actually are listening, then eventually realize that they're just saying yes to everything without actually reading what I said.
It's not like I'm expecting much, just common human decency. I'm not expecting to get anything out of the friendship except for us to actually care what the other is saying. I've even ignored annoying habits of someone because I thought they actually cared what I said, but it still ended up the same way.
Or I also fall into the trap of people acting like they're interested in what I'm talking about to spare my feelings. Like bro I'd rather you curse me out over pretending to care (or even worse, just going silent, just tell me you're not interested in the topic, it's that simple.
I've unfriended someone once because they were annoying me. But I told them I wasn't interested in the topics and they kept pushing. So that was on them. But you have to say you aren't interested, not just tune out the conversation.
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My trouble is I keep thinking I'm making friends with people online. But it always ends up as a one sided relationship. They're only my friend because I listen to them. But they don't actually want to listen to me, they just agree to everything I say without actually reading what I said.
Because at first I believe they actually are listening, then eventually realize that they're just saying yes to everything without actually reading what I said.
It's not like I'm expecting much, just common human decency. I'm not expecting to get anything out of the friendship except for us to actually care what the other is saying. I've even ignored annoying habits of someone because I thought they actually cared what I said, but it still ended up the same way.
Or I also fall into the trap of people acting like they're interested in what I'm talking about to spare my feelings. Like bro I'd rather you curse me out over pretending to care (or even worse, just going silent, just tell me you're not interested in the topic, it's that simple.
I've unfriended someone once because they were annoying me. But I told them I wasn't interested in the topics and they kept pushing. So that was on them. But you have to say you aren't interested, not just tune out the conversation.
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TakahiroShinsaku
My Motto in life is co-creating heaven on earth, as i feel blessed with more freetime and support as most others, so of course i can lend a helpinghand if i am able to.
I was pleasantly surprised to find myself graced with financial tokens of appreciation from my comrades after lending a helping hand this week. Assisting those around me is second nature; it brings me joy and contributes to my own sense of well-being. Typically, I expect nothing in return, so any form of gratitude is considered a delightful bonus.
When individuals insist on offering monetary compensation, it appears to stem from a desire to 'settle a debt' - perhaps they feel uneasy about owing a favor. As one cannot purchase necessities with mere 'thank you's, money becomes their means of expressing their acknowledgment of my efforts.
While I would prefer to be rewarded simply out of heartfelt thankfulness, I understand their urge to convey their appreciation in a more tangible manner. Ultimately, whether they choose to express their gratitude materially or immaterially, it fuels my continued generosity in sharing my time and energy with others if i can.
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My Motto in life is co-creating heaven on earth, as i feel blessed with more freetime and support as most others, so of course i can lend a helpinghand if i am able to.
I was pleasantly surprised to find myself graced with financial tokens of appreciation from my comrades after lending a helping hand this week. Assisting those around me is second nature; it brings me joy and contributes to my own sense of well-being. Typically, I expect nothing in return, so any form of gratitude is considered a delightful bonus.
When individuals insist on offering monetary compensation, it appears to stem from a desire to 'settle a debt' - perhaps they feel uneasy about owing a favor. As one cannot purchase necessities with mere 'thank you's, money becomes their means of expressing their acknowledgment of my efforts.
While I would prefer to be rewarded simply out of heartfelt thankfulness, I understand their urge to convey their appreciation in a more tangible manner. Ultimately, whether they choose to express their gratitude materially or immaterially, it fuels my continued generosity in sharing my time and energy with others if i can.
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Veil_ofthevoid
I was raised with the belief that kindness is not a suggestion, but a requirement. Walk around with a smile on your face, open the door for others, remove your hat when greeting a lady, say yes sir/ma’am, no sir/ma’am, and you’ll instantly make everyone’s day a little bit better. I thought this was a gentle way to approach the dating life, too. Be kind, be gentle, be patient, and listen. Sometimes people don’t need you to give a speech on what they’re going through, sometimes they need you to shut up and hold them.
But now now there’s no compassion, only hate. No reverence, only spite. No admiration, only scorn. I tried to move through the world with a smile on my face and a jolly attitude, only to be met with the expectation that I should be miserable and invulnerable.
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I was raised with the belief that kindness is not a suggestion, but a requirement. Walk around with a smile on your face, open the door for others, remove your hat when greeting a lady, say yes sir/ma’am, no sir/ma’am, and you’ll instantly make everyone’s day a little bit better. I thought this was a gentle way to approach the dating life, too. Be kind, be gentle, be patient, and listen. Sometimes people don’t need you to give a speech on what they’re going through, sometimes they need you to shut up and hold them.
But now now there’s no compassion, only hate. No reverence, only spite. No admiration, only scorn. I tried to move through the world with a smile on my face and a jolly attitude, only to be met with the expectation that I should be miserable and invulnerable.
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darkphoenix7342
I think the nice guy syndrome is not just about being a people pleaser to get validation from people. It's when a guy is nice to you only because he wants to sleep with you. And when you reject them, they turn into the complete opposite and they start insulting you. I once encountered a guy like this and I ended up chatting with him online for a month because I was scared to say no to him because I suspected that he would say mean things to me if I said no. Soon it turned out that he was an asshole and my assumptions about him were right. And also I was a minor at the time and he was an adult. Fortunately I found an excuse to block him but he still tried to make several fake accounts to contact me again. But I blocked him every time.
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I think the nice guy syndrome is not just about being a people pleaser to get validation from people. It's when a guy is nice to you only because he wants to sleep with you. And when you reject them, they turn into the complete opposite and they start insulting you. I once encountered a guy like this and I ended up chatting with him online for a month because I was scared to say no to him because I suspected that he would say mean things to me if I said no. Soon it turned out that he was an asshole and my assumptions about him were right. And also I was a minor at the time and he was an adult. Fortunately I found an excuse to block him but he still tried to make several fake accounts to contact me again. But I blocked him every time.
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psych2go
I'm pretty sure two of my sisters has nice girl syndrome. They don't get passive aggressive but one of them always feels like she needs to help people even when we make it clear we don't need her help. The other is always feeling like she needs to make something for people whether that be making exotic fancy food or crocheting something for them. I want to set them on the right path but it seems in my family they're the favorites and if my or two of my other sisters dare criticize anything they do even to try helping them our dad does this thing where he towers over us with a seemingly crazed look for daring criticize what they do
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I'm pretty sure two of my sisters has nice girl syndrome. They don't get passive aggressive but one of them always feels like she needs to help people even when we make it clear we don't need her help. The other is always feeling like she needs to make something for people whether that be making exotic fancy food or crocheting something for them. I want to set them on the right path but it seems in my family they're the favorites and if my or two of my other sisters dare criticize anything they do even to try helping them our dad does this thing where he towers over us with a seemingly crazed look for daring criticize what they do
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MysteisAegis
I think I had this then I became depressed because of my mom and was thinking about suicide because of my sister and I really wanted to (let's say not to nice things to her) and then luckly I saw a short about god and that God will punish everyone correctly that is what made it so my sister isn't dead (what I try to say is please make a video about how to deal with phycopaths I tried to guild trip that btch but that didn't work please I am still at the point that I only live so my girlfriend doesn't get upset (and my graparants fr9n my face side and my dad and dog but yea) please)
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I think I had this then I became depressed because of my mom and was thinking about suicide because of my sister and I really wanted to (let's say not to nice things to her) and then luckly I saw a short about god and that God will punish everyone correctly that is what made it so my sister isn't dead (what I try to say is please make a video about how to deal with phycopaths I tried to guild trip that btch but that didn't work please I am still at the point that I only live so my girlfriend doesn't get upset (and my graparants fr9n my face side and my dad and dog but yea) please)
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psych2go
This is making me realize I've had a nice guy as a friend and I just said they were toxic, I didn't know the reason why till now. He'd get me gifts, even though I'm uncomfortable with gifts (and not just the normal discomfort that everyone has- I have legitimate trauma from gifts and avoid them) and when I wouldn't show my happiness he would be very rude and hold it over my head.
Good thing he's been gone out of my life for 2 years now! I wish everyone else healing if you've ever been through a similar or different situation with nice guys/girls.
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This is making me realize I've had a nice guy as a friend and I just said they were toxic, I didn't know the reason why till now. He'd get me gifts, even though I'm uncomfortable with gifts (and not just the normal discomfort that everyone has- I have legitimate trauma from gifts and avoid them) and when I wouldn't show my happiness he would be very rude and hold it over my head.
Good thing he's been gone out of my life for 2 years now! I wish everyone else healing if you've ever been through a similar or different situation with nice guys/girls.
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Mithrandir-420
I feel like there's a difference between being nice and being Kind. I believe that being kind is timeless and affords others the dignity and respect that I wish to receive. I believe that being nice is an unhealthy way of viewing your presence as an inconvenience to those around you, a mindset often planted there by adult(s) and/or peers as you grew up. That kind of conditioning sets a person up to give to others much more than they give to themselves, draining the nice person and setting them up to taken advantage of by others.
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I feel like there's a difference between being nice and being Kind. I believe that being kind is timeless and affords others the dignity and respect that I wish to receive. I believe that being nice is an unhealthy way of viewing your presence as an inconvenience to those around you, a mindset often planted there by adult(s) and/or peers as you grew up. That kind of conditioning sets a person up to give to others much more than they give to themselves, draining the nice person and setting them up to taken advantage of by others.
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EldritchMephi
I dont have an identity outside of making others happy, its miserable. Im never satisfied and i always feel like an outsider. It makes me hate myself and just humans in general. I dont even know what my needs are at this point and im in my 30s
I feel like theres little hope for me. Im never going to have a healthy romantic relationship, and i am never going to love myself. It feels like the only way out is just to wait for death. However many yeaes that takes i guess, im too much of a coward to truly end things
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I dont have an identity outside of making others happy, its miserable. Im never satisfied and i always feel like an outsider. It makes me hate myself and just humans in general. I dont even know what my needs are at this point and im in my 30s
I feel like theres little hope for me. Im never going to have a healthy romantic relationship, and i am never going to love myself. It feels like the only way out is just to wait for death. However many yeaes that takes i guess, im too much of a coward to truly end things
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chaennelchaennel
(just after reading the title) I know, I like to believe that I quitted. I did, to an extent, but sometimes my good side comes back
at least I am more assertive and more respectful of myself.
How did I do it Just had a very bad experience climax with classmates I always helped and, boom, I will never let others treat me that way, nuh-uh.
Sometimes bad things-, no, actually, I believe everything, wheter bad or good, happens for a reason (if you're able to read through it)
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(just after reading the title) I know, I like to believe that I quitted. I did, to an extent, but sometimes my good side comes back
at least I am more assertive and more respectful of myself.
How did I do it Just had a very bad experience climax with classmates I always helped and, boom, I will never let others treat me that way, nuh-uh.
Sometimes bad things-, no, actually, I believe everything, wheter bad or good, happens for a reason (if you're able to read through it)
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mattsmocs3281
Welp, time to take a long walk off a short pier.
I act nice to people who are nice towards me, but the moment they drop it and just act indifferent, i leave, if they have nothing more, i have none left. Unfortunately, too many now are more avoidant. Tho i have other things that make me happy, the hole in my heart for love is quite sizable and can't be filled by the things i do. To become mean, indifferent and uncaring, a dr loveless, might be all i have left.
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Welp, time to take a long walk off a short pier.
I act nice to people who are nice towards me, but the moment they drop it and just act indifferent, i leave, if they have nothing more, i have none left. Unfortunately, too many now are more avoidant. Tho i have other things that make me happy, the hole in my heart for love is quite sizable and can't be filled by the things i do. To become mean, indifferent and uncaring, a dr loveless, might be all i have left.
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fieryrebirth
I think I avoided this 'syndrome' during my upbringing by employing a bit of nihilistic philosophy. Hell, I even accidentally quoted Morty. No one truly deserves anything, everyone is going to die, so I pay attention to satisfactory results instead of people's opinions and remain open-minded to others' perspectives and goal-driven. Being on the spectrum means it's unlikely for me to find a partner and rival in life due to the double-empathy problem alone.
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I think I avoided this 'syndrome' during my upbringing by employing a bit of nihilistic philosophy. Hell, I even accidentally quoted Morty. No one truly deserves anything, everyone is going to die, so I pay attention to satisfactory results instead of people's opinions and remain open-minded to others' perspectives and goal-driven. Being on the spectrum means it's unlikely for me to find a partner and rival in life due to the double-empathy problem alone.
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MixedPills
I'm not saying this isn't a good video. but I don't like how its so short that I can see incels mixing with actual people who needed this message. this further enables the negative. and lets them pretend to the the victim, acts of kindness are usually rewarded in religion because these people would be awful if they didn't had the scare of a bad afterlife. rather than actually wanting to brighten the world
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I'm not saying this isn't a good video. but I don't like how its so short that I can see incels mixing with actual people who needed this message. this further enables the negative. and lets them pretend to the the victim, acts of kindness are usually rewarded in religion because these people would be awful if they didn't had the scare of a bad afterlife. rather than actually wanting to brighten the world
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Vishfeast
Don't put to much blame on yourself for being giving. Alot of people these days have avoidant attachment and they actually get perturbed about closeness and put up walls with your empathy. Sometimes you can be gas lit into thinking you're being overbearing. Not always your fault, but if you feel as though they gave back to you in a way you felt loved then that's all you needed.
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Don't put to much blame on yourself for being giving. Alot of people these days have avoidant attachment and they actually get perturbed about closeness and put up walls with your empathy. Sometimes you can be gas lit into thinking you're being overbearing. Not always your fault, but if you feel as though they gave back to you in a way you felt loved then that's all you needed.
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lorianttila9698
I have been told I am too nice. i thought that wasn't possible. and then I married a narcissist. Bad idea. Yes, I was too nice. I am divorced thankfully and hopefully not too nice amymore. When I do things it is because I want to not for approval or accolades. It is my choice to hopefully be an example and maybe someone else will do the same for someone else.
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I have been told I am too nice. i thought that wasn't possible. and then I married a narcissist. Bad idea. Yes, I was too nice. I am divorced thankfully and hopefully not too nice amymore. When I do things it is because I want to not for approval or accolades. It is my choice to hopefully be an example and maybe someone else will do the same for someone else.
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riss. h2478
I might have williams syndrome but I'd also have panic atas when I was little and I survived tture, r, buying and much more and sometimes I act way too nice or I say the wrong thing because I try to be nice or try to do whats best for me but because I was around weird people I don't know how to take care of myself without upsetting people or ping them off help
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I might have williams syndrome but I'd also have panic atas when I was little and I survived tture, r, buying and much more and sometimes I act way too nice or I say the wrong thing because I try to be nice or try to do whats best for me but because I was around weird people I don't know how to take care of myself without upsetting people or ping them off help
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jiffysanchez
A lot of these points are only for narcissists posing/acting as nice people in order to get something in return. This isn’t factual psychology education.
It’s combining way too many personality types with the commonality that someone being genuinely nice will mean they have ulterior motives. Nice guy syndrome isn’t an actual mental health diagnoses.
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A lot of these points are only for narcissists posing/acting as nice people in order to get something in return. This isn’t factual psychology education.
It’s combining way too many personality types with the commonality that someone being genuinely nice will mean they have ulterior motives. Nice guy syndrome isn’t an actual mental health diagnoses.
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internetguy5434
Kindness is a sign of strength, genuine and humanity, often taken granted for. It should go along with boundaries abd balance, be kind to yourself too. You're not supposed to be perfectly kind, you can still do bad choices or refuse to help because of people taking you for granted. But I hope you realise the value of it and don't let it discourage you.
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Kindness is a sign of strength, genuine and humanity, often taken granted for. It should go along with boundaries abd balance, be kind to yourself too. You're not supposed to be perfectly kind, you can still do bad choices or refuse to help because of people taking you for granted. But I hope you realise the value of it and don't let it discourage you.
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eugenekrabs3837
One should only give if there's a reason to and if the person you're giving to needs what you're giving sometimes the person you're giving to can't match what you give that must be accepted appreciation love and care have many forms so one must look out for that example someone may not say thank you verbally but their behavior shows they're greatful
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One should only give if there's a reason to and if the person you're giving to needs what you're giving sometimes the person you're giving to can't match what you give that must be accepted appreciation love and care have many forms so one must look out for that example someone may not say thank you verbally but their behavior shows they're greatful
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MrSubsound90
One thing I see that kind of makes the cycle, especially the paradox and pitfall, are folks that see the word NO being the final word when they are asked. but the beginning of negotiations if they ask someone else. It's hard not to be passive aggressive or feel ike your needs aren't met when you are pestered to say yes after repeatedly saying no.
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One thing I see that kind of makes the cycle, especially the paradox and pitfall, are folks that see the word NO being the final word when they are asked. but the beginning of negotiations if they ask someone else. It's hard not to be passive aggressive or feel ike your needs aren't met when you are pestered to say yes after repeatedly saying no.
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