How a Narcissist Abuses You Without Touching You
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Date: 2024-06-11
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Comments and reviews: 20
psych2go
I remember when I first went to university I had to read out an essay I had written in a seminar. The tutor criticised it for being too long and not coherent enough. I felt quite humiliated at the time. During a subsequent seminar I did not have to read out an essay so I said less. In the lunch time after that, at my halls of residents, one of the male students who had attended both the seminars sat next to me in the dining room and said Hey! What happened to Captain Talkative During the time at University I was progressively more clinically depressed (over other deeper factors) although I still managed to get a reasonable degree. This guy imitated and parodied this depression in front of my face. His current girlfriend was there and apologised for him but he never did. Making fun of a disability or a mental illness is about as low as you can go. A lot of very attractive young women went out with him but the relationships never lasted long. An aspect of Narcisistic and deeply controlling behaviour is what I would call re-christening. It is when someone, without the other persons permission, refers to that person by a deeply patronising and derogatory nick name that they have made up for them. They will continue to do this incessantly and if the person shows that they do not like it they will act as though the other person has the problem and they shouldn't take life so seriously. The ultimate bully boy catch phrase is Can't you take a joke
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I remember when I first went to university I had to read out an essay I had written in a seminar. The tutor criticised it for being too long and not coherent enough. I felt quite humiliated at the time. During a subsequent seminar I did not have to read out an essay so I said less. In the lunch time after that, at my halls of residents, one of the male students who had attended both the seminars sat next to me in the dining room and said Hey! What happened to Captain Talkative During the time at University I was progressively more clinically depressed (over other deeper factors) although I still managed to get a reasonable degree. This guy imitated and parodied this depression in front of my face. His current girlfriend was there and apologised for him but he never did. Making fun of a disability or a mental illness is about as low as you can go. A lot of very attractive young women went out with him but the relationships never lasted long. An aspect of Narcisistic and deeply controlling behaviour is what I would call re-christening. It is when someone, without the other persons permission, refers to that person by a deeply patronising and derogatory nick name that they have made up for them. They will continue to do this incessantly and if the person shows that they do not like it they will act as though the other person has the problem and they shouldn't take life so seriously. The ultimate bully boy catch phrase is Can't you take a joke
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champorado17
Thank you for acknowledging this. I have a narcisist older sister and she's selfish. Never had good memories on my birthday because she doesn't like it if she wasn't the center of attention. She degrade me when she's not happy and blame me for her mistakes. She constantly lies and tell others I was the abusive one even when she'll physically abuse me later. She self pity and never satisfied with material things. Before I never got the chance to pick my clothes or with anything cause it's always her choice first then her left over mine. I avoided her now for my mental health but my mom gets mad at me for it. She spoils her and even gaslight me that I should do it for her but I'm tired for the repetitive mental abuse. Never even have a bf in the age of 27 cause I felt like I don't deserve one. I'm not even that ugly as other people says, I'm slim and tall but I always feel like the ugliest person in the world. And worst she's pretty and gets away with manipulating everyone to her side. I'm tired in life honestly I don't wanna be in the same world as her but here I am stuck taking care of my sickly mother cause my sister would rather say bad things about her online than taking care of her. I really need help but I'm scared to ask cause I don't know if someone would waste their time helping me.
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Thank you for acknowledging this. I have a narcisist older sister and she's selfish. Never had good memories on my birthday because she doesn't like it if she wasn't the center of attention. She degrade me when she's not happy and blame me for her mistakes. She constantly lies and tell others I was the abusive one even when she'll physically abuse me later. She self pity and never satisfied with material things. Before I never got the chance to pick my clothes or with anything cause it's always her choice first then her left over mine. I avoided her now for my mental health but my mom gets mad at me for it. She spoils her and even gaslight me that I should do it for her but I'm tired for the repetitive mental abuse. Never even have a bf in the age of 27 cause I felt like I don't deserve one. I'm not even that ugly as other people says, I'm slim and tall but I always feel like the ugliest person in the world. And worst she's pretty and gets away with manipulating everyone to her side. I'm tired in life honestly I don't wanna be in the same world as her but here I am stuck taking care of my sickly mother cause my sister would rather say bad things about her online than taking care of her. I really need help but I'm scared to ask cause I don't know if someone would waste their time helping me.
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N_IRL
Ooo let's see which ones my mother does:
Sleep sabotage Sort of, she keeps threatening to take away my insomnia meds so that I won't rely on them instead of on God.
Unfair comparisons Definitely, 1000%, all the time. Except it's usually comparisons between me and herself, like I ran cross country when I was your age and I NEVER complained about it. Or sometimes she compares herself to people who beat their children to prove that she's not abusive because she doesn't beat me.
Spotlight hijacking: No, not that I've noticed.
Failure setups: No, not that I've noticed.
Intellectual gaslighting: Allllllllll the time. Whenever I misinterpret something she says, for example, she'll always retroactively reword it in a way that I couldn't possibly misunderstand. Such as recently when she said you can have nuts and chocolate chips, take ten, I thought I was getting ten nuts with however many chocolate chips. But when I said I was getting my ten nuts, she said ten nuts I said you could have ten chocolate chips and then tried to make me think I was gaslighting her into thinking she'd said I could have ten nuts
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Ooo let's see which ones my mother does:
Sleep sabotage Sort of, she keeps threatening to take away my insomnia meds so that I won't rely on them instead of on God.
Unfair comparisons Definitely, 1000%, all the time. Except it's usually comparisons between me and herself, like I ran cross country when I was your age and I NEVER complained about it. Or sometimes she compares herself to people who beat their children to prove that she's not abusive because she doesn't beat me.
Spotlight hijacking: No, not that I've noticed.
Failure setups: No, not that I've noticed.
Intellectual gaslighting: Allllllllll the time. Whenever I misinterpret something she says, for example, she'll always retroactively reword it in a way that I couldn't possibly misunderstand. Such as recently when she said you can have nuts and chocolate chips, take ten, I thought I was getting ten nuts with however many chocolate chips. But when I said I was getting my ten nuts, she said ten nuts I said you could have ten chocolate chips and then tried to make me think I was gaslighting her into thinking she'd said I could have ten nuts
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psych2go
My mom does tend to talk badly about me directly right in front of one of my family members. Like even too that she also does tend by comparing directly at me about all of her very close friends & family members too. But in a very unhealthy ways. Just quite literally because she didn't have a very good childhood like by her own mother who is actually my grandmother too in real life. So that also does explains why that I do tend to keep myself a further distance away from my own mother. Just quite literally because I really truly don't want to lead any sort of negative bad examples just like her & even too by her own mother which is actually my grandmother too once again. And I also just realized about the whole fact that I don't need to seek any of my own mothers validation & approval just to become successful in my very own mindset in a very positive way. Yes most definitely at a % for sure indeed.
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My mom does tend to talk badly about me directly right in front of one of my family members. Like even too that she also does tend by comparing directly at me about all of her very close friends & family members too. But in a very unhealthy ways. Just quite literally because she didn't have a very good childhood like by her own mother who is actually my grandmother too in real life. So that also does explains why that I do tend to keep myself a further distance away from my own mother. Just quite literally because I really truly don't want to lead any sort of negative bad examples just like her & even too by her own mother which is actually my grandmother too once again. And I also just realized about the whole fact that I don't need to seek any of my own mothers validation & approval just to become successful in my very own mindset in a very positive way. Yes most definitely at a % for sure indeed.
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Monokum_aa
Hello Psych2go, I wanted to ask you about one thing that I don't really understand. I have a best friend (let's call him Alex) and we also have one other friend (Let's say Lily because she is a girl)
When only me and Alex are hanging out, he is really nice and we just really vibe
When only me and Lily are out, she is also pretty nice, even though her little toxic personality sometimes pulls out but just little
But. when me, Alex and Lily are all together, Alex just goes completelly on Lily's toxic side, and they always do some jokes and say how I'm small, ugly and some more things I don't want to say
I really don't know why me and one of them are always vibing but the two of them are just hating
Then me and Alex also say some bad things Lily, but its not even close from what they are calling me when we are together
Thank you even if you don't respond. I just needed to say it: D
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Hello Psych2go, I wanted to ask you about one thing that I don't really understand. I have a best friend (let's call him Alex) and we also have one other friend (Let's say Lily because she is a girl)
When only me and Alex are hanging out, he is really nice and we just really vibe
When only me and Lily are out, she is also pretty nice, even though her little toxic personality sometimes pulls out but just little
But. when me, Alex and Lily are all together, Alex just goes completelly on Lily's toxic side, and they always do some jokes and say how I'm small, ugly and some more things I don't want to say
I really don't know why me and one of them are always vibing but the two of them are just hating
Then me and Alex also say some bad things Lily, but its not even close from what they are calling me when we are together
Thank you even if you don't respond. I just needed to say it: D
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ML-HS
It sad when you see these behaviors in your friends, their partner and even your own parents. It's even more sad when they don't plan to leave even if they know what they are enduring it. And feel that they should appreciate them for not ditching them, putting a roof over the head. A meal on the table. They did all of the things, while you didn't do anything or much. I think the pinnacle of abuse is when they make you believe you are all of the nasty things they said to you. Usually comes because you have no one, aside from maybe one person and even that one person can't say anything lest they are labeled trouble maker. Or be asked the famous question: 'What do you know about life'
People who have gone through this type of abuse know more about life then the rest. They are indeed wise old souls.
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It sad when you see these behaviors in your friends, their partner and even your own parents. It's even more sad when they don't plan to leave even if they know what they are enduring it. And feel that they should appreciate them for not ditching them, putting a roof over the head. A meal on the table. They did all of the things, while you didn't do anything or much. I think the pinnacle of abuse is when they make you believe you are all of the nasty things they said to you. Usually comes because you have no one, aside from maybe one person and even that one person can't say anything lest they are labeled trouble maker. Or be asked the famous question: 'What do you know about life'
People who have gone through this type of abuse know more about life then the rest. They are indeed wise old souls.
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TNothingFree
If you feel you need to prove yourself constantly, that's the first and only sign you need to know you are dealing with unhealthy behavior.
The best medicine is building boundaries and knowing how to keep them.
My boundaries were met only when I threatened with lawyers and police.
Just like hacking you make it into a decision with a high price, if they want to keep playing with your boundaries will pay greatly, is it worth it Probably not so they will back off
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If you feel you need to prove yourself constantly, that's the first and only sign you need to know you are dealing with unhealthy behavior.
The best medicine is building boundaries and knowing how to keep them.
My boundaries were met only when I threatened with lawyers and police.
Just like hacking you make it into a decision with a high price, if they want to keep playing with your boundaries will pay greatly, is it worth it Probably not so they will back off
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Amimedits
My mother is a schizophrenic, though currently she's taking medication so she's out of the symptoms.
But I think I'm also narcissistic and abusive. I often shout at her. She has slower movements, (It's probably due to her schizophrenia medicines)and often takes some to too time to understand certain things, and I don't like her cooking. So I think I'm angry most of the time, I don't know.
What should I do
In our home only my mother and I live.
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My mother is a schizophrenic, though currently she's taking medication so she's out of the symptoms.
But I think I'm also narcissistic and abusive. I often shout at her. She has slower movements, (It's probably due to her schizophrenia medicines)and often takes some to too time to understand certain things, and I don't like her cooking. So I think I'm angry most of the time, I don't know.
What should I do
In our home only my mother and I live.
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siennaprice1351
Another thing, a narcissist can do, is embarrass you or humiliate you for a mistake that you made in front of other people. For example, if you made a mistake at home, the narcissist will shame you for it. And then, when you’re around others, they will talk about your failures, your flaws, and the mistakes that you made right in front of their faces to make you feel bad about yourself and to make you feel ashamed.
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Another thing, a narcissist can do, is embarrass you or humiliate you for a mistake that you made in front of other people. For example, if you made a mistake at home, the narcissist will shame you for it. And then, when you’re around others, they will talk about your failures, your flaws, and the mistakes that you made right in front of their faces to make you feel bad about yourself and to make you feel ashamed.
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AddieGrande
Hey phych2go. So tw I think. I have sh marks/scars all over my arm. It is summer and my parents want me to go swimming but I can’t without them showing. I really regret it. They will figure out sooner or later. I try not to assign blame but I think I do this because my mom favorites my sister and it drives me insane. If anyone has any tips on how to soften the blow when I tell them please let me know. Thanks
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Hey phych2go. So tw I think. I have sh marks/scars all over my arm. It is summer and my parents want me to go swimming but I can’t without them showing. I really regret it. They will figure out sooner or later. I try not to assign blame but I think I do this because my mom favorites my sister and it drives me insane. If anyone has any tips on how to soften the blow when I tell them please let me know. Thanks
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LexRex1800
This is sooo important bc, oftentimes, we only think of abuse in terms of physical harm. This leaves out so much of people's lived experiences. I definitely didn't think my last relationship was abusive because they never hit me, but that psychological abuse. OOF, especially with narcissistic behavior tied in. Sometimes, it can be more painful than physical bc people don't see it.
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This is sooo important bc, oftentimes, we only think of abuse in terms of physical harm. This leaves out so much of people's lived experiences. I definitely didn't think my last relationship was abusive because they never hit me, but that psychological abuse. OOF, especially with narcissistic behavior tied in. Sometimes, it can be more painful than physical bc people don't see it.
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nevaehhamilton3493
Narcissists are sadists who make themselves feel good by making others feel miserable to the point of suicidality. They're emotional succubuses who thrive off of pretending to be a god amongst men in their own worthless little delusions. All narcissists are parasites who take and take, until there is nothing left to take, and then they move on to their next victim.
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Narcissists are sadists who make themselves feel good by making others feel miserable to the point of suicidality. They're emotional succubuses who thrive off of pretending to be a god amongst men in their own worthless little delusions. All narcissists are parasites who take and take, until there is nothing left to take, and then they move on to their next victim.
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jakieadams2303
First thing you mentioned was my mom having troubles at work, kept me up until 1 am while I was in grade school. All I could say is I'm sorry for what's happening and she'll shout oh you know nothing about why ur sorry about. . Then it would get too I'm super tired and need to go to bed. Then she would think I didn't care about what she was going through.
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First thing you mentioned was my mom having troubles at work, kept me up until 1 am while I was in grade school. All I could say is I'm sorry for what's happening and she'll shout oh you know nothing about why ur sorry about. . Then it would get too I'm super tired and need to go to bed. Then she would think I didn't care about what she was going through.
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S-link999
19 years i lived with someone like this, which caused me to have a few phobias of
- Someone yelling/being mad at me (or sometimes seeing someone on a tv show/movie/video games yelling at someone or threatening them)
- Slamming doors
- Sharing some of my deep interests
- Female reproductive parts
- Getting a job (MASSIVE performance anxiety)
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19 years i lived with someone like this, which caused me to have a few phobias of
- Someone yelling/being mad at me (or sometimes seeing someone on a tv show/movie/video games yelling at someone or threatening them)
- Slamming doors
- Sharing some of my deep interests
- Female reproductive parts
- Getting a job (MASSIVE performance anxiety)
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davids2096
I wonder if somehow they could experience what they're administering, if they would realize their actions are so harmful and wounding to others, and thus stop this hideous behavior Wearing someone else's shoes is always sobering and humbling! If only we could do that! Something to ponder I suppose! Good luck and take care!
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I wonder if somehow they could experience what they're administering, if they would realize their actions are so harmful and wounding to others, and thus stop this hideous behavior Wearing someone else's shoes is always sobering and humbling! If only we could do that! Something to ponder I suppose! Good luck and take care!
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GodHelpMe369
grief cripples me
debilitates me
paralyzes me
I want to die
grief rapes me
my soul is tortured
I am breathless in my pain
I am bereaved in despair
hopeless
helpless
anguished and tormented
and begging and waiting just to die
all I do is suffer
I'm in hell with no escape
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grief cripples me
debilitates me
paralyzes me
I want to die
grief rapes me
my soul is tortured
I am breathless in my pain
I am bereaved in despair
hopeless
helpless
anguished and tormented
and begging and waiting just to die
all I do is suffer
I'm in hell with no escape
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crazyXninjaXfishy
As a student, if I got a 100 it was because of the narcissist. If I got a 98, then I would’ve gotten help from the narcissist
Besides that, just trauma denial and making it about them when I talked about my bye-bye-life thoughts. (E. g. Well maybe I’m depressed too! or Well maybe I’ll self-exit, too)
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As a student, if I got a 100 it was because of the narcissist. If I got a 98, then I would’ve gotten help from the narcissist
Besides that, just trauma denial and making it about them when I talked about my bye-bye-life thoughts. (E. g. Well maybe I’m depressed too! or Well maybe I’ll self-exit, too)
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ASpootifulMind
After starting to learn about this topic since last year or so I've come to understand that I've suffered from this several times in my life. I'm just too much of a blue-eyed romantic to understand what it was. but slowly I've learned. Thank you for letting me heal more than two decades later!
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After starting to learn about this topic since last year or so I've come to understand that I've suffered from this several times in my life. I'm just too much of a blue-eyed romantic to understand what it was. but slowly I've learned. Thank you for letting me heal more than two decades later!
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Psych2go
Abuse isn't just bruises and scars; it's also the wounds that can't be seen. Narcissistic abuse can come in many different forms from examples of belittling comments, growing contempt, ignoring behavior (eg. silent treatment, passive-aggressiveness, triangulation, sabotage, downplay, and much more.
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Abuse isn't just bruises and scars; it's also the wounds that can't be seen. Narcissistic abuse can come in many different forms from examples of belittling comments, growing contempt, ignoring behavior (eg. silent treatment, passive-aggressiveness, triangulation, sabotage, downplay, and much more.
reply
psych2go
One type of video I would like to see from Psych2Go is become a better person from being a bad person. Currently in therapy I am trying to learn how to become a better human being and getting over my faults of jealousy and other issues when I was just growing up and I wasnt a great person then.
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One type of video I would like to see from Psych2Go is become a better person from being a bad person. Currently in therapy I am trying to learn how to become a better human being and getting over my faults of jealousy and other issues when I was just growing up and I wasnt a great person then.
reply
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