MOST Relationships Today Are TOXIC, Here's Why
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Date: 2024-05-16
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Comments and reviews: 20
GigaChad_169
I think relationships have gotten worse. My reason being is that the past 20 years have seen a hyperfocus on individuality at the expense of other people in society. The pursuit of selfish desires has created people who can't work with other people to build things because they can't agree to disagree on a lot of aspects of life that people used to be fine doing in the past.
In addition, the focus on hyper-individuality gives the individual a warped perception of their value to society. The attitude of I think I'm great, so I'm great, while an artificial ego boost to the individual, is untrue.
You see this play out in the job market with people who have degrees that don't provide skills employers need or skills to help someone be self-employed. You see it in the dating market with people who aren't exceptional in any way convincing themselves they're exceptional and only deserve an exceptional mate. You see this in platonic social interactions where people are unwilling to be open minded to other points of view because they've convinced themselves that their point of view is automatically moral and correct without any intellectually honest or serious explorations outside of their bubble.
Someone down in the comments made a good point. This situation is a luxury situation due to the affluence our society has built for it self over many generations. it won't last. People will eventually need to rely on others more to live, and when that happens, the me centrist world view will give way to cooperative survival and personal sacrifice.
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I think relationships have gotten worse. My reason being is that the past 20 years have seen a hyperfocus on individuality at the expense of other people in society. The pursuit of selfish desires has created people who can't work with other people to build things because they can't agree to disagree on a lot of aspects of life that people used to be fine doing in the past.
In addition, the focus on hyper-individuality gives the individual a warped perception of their value to society. The attitude of I think I'm great, so I'm great, while an artificial ego boost to the individual, is untrue.
You see this play out in the job market with people who have degrees that don't provide skills employers need or skills to help someone be self-employed. You see it in the dating market with people who aren't exceptional in any way convincing themselves they're exceptional and only deserve an exceptional mate. You see this in platonic social interactions where people are unwilling to be open minded to other points of view because they've convinced themselves that their point of view is automatically moral and correct without any intellectually honest or serious explorations outside of their bubble.
Someone down in the comments made a good point. This situation is a luxury situation due to the affluence our society has built for it self over many generations. it won't last. People will eventually need to rely on others more to live, and when that happens, the me centrist world view will give way to cooperative survival and personal sacrifice.
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gayleneflower398
I one hundred percent believe that the reason for all the problems relationships is due to Divorce. Things have been changing in the world and women with children cannot earn enough to support them. Men try to not pay alimony & child support, in general. There is a lot of blaming & divorces are EXPENSIVE! The money spent on my divorce could have put 2 of my children thru college! Many women can’t afford an attorney while men canmuch of time they sole supportersAND still working. B/c of this, the women have to go to work & take a lot of their stress on childrennot to mention substance abuse, parent unintentional neglect, lack of affordable housing etc these children grow up with all kinds of issues in adulthood, this is happening with millennials generation. Now their children have both parents working and the cycle continuesnow due to no home life/security for children. Internet dating apps. I have been watching Netflix shows about abusive online relationshipsscammers. just another extensionno empathy for anyone but It is pathetic F’d UP!
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I one hundred percent believe that the reason for all the problems relationships is due to Divorce. Things have been changing in the world and women with children cannot earn enough to support them. Men try to not pay alimony & child support, in general. There is a lot of blaming & divorces are EXPENSIVE! The money spent on my divorce could have put 2 of my children thru college! Many women can’t afford an attorney while men canmuch of time they sole supportersAND still working. B/c of this, the women have to go to work & take a lot of their stress on childrennot to mention substance abuse, parent unintentional neglect, lack of affordable housing etc these children grow up with all kinds of issues in adulthood, this is happening with millennials generation. Now their children have both parents working and the cycle continuesnow due to no home life/security for children. Internet dating apps. I have been watching Netflix shows about abusive online relationshipsscammers. just another extensionno empathy for anyone but It is pathetic F’d UP!
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djmj1000
Cause over generations family size have shrunk or even broken up, especially in the boomer generation often only having one kid. People with both parents being strong and present raising them and at least one sibling are much stronger mentally and have no entitlement problems that often lead to toxic behavior. Problems also if the any parent was absent or weak in the family.
Those people dont search a partner but they are in constant search to satisfy their unmet needs and this leads to toxic projections and expectations to their partner cause they are full of insecurities. They are searching for a mom or dad to heal their child wounds while hurting their new partner throwing tantrums on all occasion the secure person is doing any activity without them.
A partner is not a replacement of a parent, therapist or responsible for your entertainment or mental regulation. Sadly many people exactly behave like this and dont even realize.
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Cause over generations family size have shrunk or even broken up, especially in the boomer generation often only having one kid. People with both parents being strong and present raising them and at least one sibling are much stronger mentally and have no entitlement problems that often lead to toxic behavior. Problems also if the any parent was absent or weak in the family.
Those people dont search a partner but they are in constant search to satisfy their unmet needs and this leads to toxic projections and expectations to their partner cause they are full of insecurities. They are searching for a mom or dad to heal their child wounds while hurting their new partner throwing tantrums on all occasion the secure person is doing any activity without them.
A partner is not a replacement of a parent, therapist or responsible for your entertainment or mental regulation. Sadly many people exactly behave like this and dont even realize.
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frutellaorange
I used to cry often as a child and when my parents didn't know what to do they'd dismiss it or leave me alone until I stop (one time I bawled for ages because I was scared of going to preschool for the first time and they were just stood there having no clue how to reassure me. Even the headteacher didn't know what to do) (note: I'm autistic)
Now when I bring up my problems or complain, they would turn the situation to make it about themselves and how they had to go through more than me when they were young.
So now I can't bring up any of my problems to them without feeling ashamed for doing so. Then they wonder why I don't sit and chat with them.
So I have to deal with the problems myself and keep almost everything to myself from them, even how I feel and just pretend to be happy (any other feeling that isn't happy => ungrateful, so I don't feel like a burden to them
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I used to cry often as a child and when my parents didn't know what to do they'd dismiss it or leave me alone until I stop (one time I bawled for ages because I was scared of going to preschool for the first time and they were just stood there having no clue how to reassure me. Even the headteacher didn't know what to do) (note: I'm autistic)
Now when I bring up my problems or complain, they would turn the situation to make it about themselves and how they had to go through more than me when they were young.
So now I can't bring up any of my problems to them without feeling ashamed for doing so. Then they wonder why I don't sit and chat with them.
So I have to deal with the problems myself and keep almost everything to myself from them, even how I feel and just pretend to be happy (any other feeling that isn't happy => ungrateful, so I don't feel like a burden to them
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YahLotus
Stop the constant reminders of horrible childhoods. It’s another way to victim blame/shame/ and cultivate victimhood.
Plain and simple: relationship are toxic because people lack accountibilty and society has allowed for an environment of selfishness where deflection is King.
I am not my abusive mother! Never have been.
When I was 18 I took accountability for my life and decided whom I wanted to be by following my own intuition and how mistreating others felt because I was angry at the adults in my life.
Anyone can do it! Teach people of their behavior now, show people the mirror, as adults, and how their adult behavior negatively impacts others.
#triggered I’m so over this narrative for the past 15 years. People need to grow tf up! Mommy and Daddy chose their paths. Reflect on who you are now and who you want to be. Choose your life!
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Stop the constant reminders of horrible childhoods. It’s another way to victim blame/shame/ and cultivate victimhood.
Plain and simple: relationship are toxic because people lack accountibilty and society has allowed for an environment of selfishness where deflection is King.
I am not my abusive mother! Never have been.
When I was 18 I took accountability for my life and decided whom I wanted to be by following my own intuition and how mistreating others felt because I was angry at the adults in my life.
Anyone can do it! Teach people of their behavior now, show people the mirror, as adults, and how their adult behavior negatively impacts others.
#triggered I’m so over this narrative for the past 15 years. People need to grow tf up! Mommy and Daddy chose their paths. Reflect on who you are now and who you want to be. Choose your life!
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redheadbelle
I think most people grew up with little core values. They didn’t mature enough. What I don’t understand is why they might chose to stay the same when trauma can be processed & healed or at least manage it I have compassion for toxic upbringings but no compassion at all if this is an excuse for an careless self cantered life style toxic because you refuse to take accountability. That’s dangerous and careless.
Of course the psyche is a complex thing. But once you have the education and skills to see the patterns, it’s your choice which road you take. If you chose to do the blame game, then don’t wonder about the consequences. There is always Justice in the end.
Unawareness and concrete manipulation are two completely different things.
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I think most people grew up with little core values. They didn’t mature enough. What I don’t understand is why they might chose to stay the same when trauma can be processed & healed or at least manage it I have compassion for toxic upbringings but no compassion at all if this is an excuse for an careless self cantered life style toxic because you refuse to take accountability. That’s dangerous and careless.
Of course the psyche is a complex thing. But once you have the education and skills to see the patterns, it’s your choice which road you take. If you chose to do the blame game, then don’t wonder about the consequences. There is always Justice in the end.
Unawareness and concrete manipulation are two completely different things.
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TinglepixiASMR
Okay so what happens if you are equal parts secure, anxious, and avoidant I'm pretty understanding and laid back. I let my guy go do things he enjoys without me (I encourage it, actually) and he has female friends who I've never had any negative feelings about. I'm also always worrying if I'm good enough and have a strong fear of abandonment because I've been abandoned by pretty much everyone in my life at some point. But I'm also the type who puts a wall up and has problems expressing my feelings due to not being allowed to in previous relationships or in childhood. Is there even a way to be all 3 I would say most days and a large percentage of me is on the secure end, but I do have tendencies from the other two.
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Okay so what happens if you are equal parts secure, anxious, and avoidant I'm pretty understanding and laid back. I let my guy go do things he enjoys without me (I encourage it, actually) and he has female friends who I've never had any negative feelings about. I'm also always worrying if I'm good enough and have a strong fear of abandonment because I've been abandoned by pretty much everyone in my life at some point. But I'm also the type who puts a wall up and has problems expressing my feelings due to not being allowed to in previous relationships or in childhood. Is there even a way to be all 3 I would say most days and a large percentage of me is on the secure end, but I do have tendencies from the other two.
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RoninRen
I don't know, because truth be told despite the era, people somehow conclude that there's always others out there, thus that becomes the go to for dealing with toxic people instead of confronting them, because fact is then that feeling it'll spill on to meeting new people/trying to make new friends, let alone something I've been wondering about, is part of why maybe we put so much value on finding a romantic partner, for especially the narratives about people that have trouble with making/maintaining friends, is because paradoxically it's as if a finding a romantic partner is easier to obtain than platonic friendships, but somehow romantic relationships/marriages can be harder to maintain then platonic relationships,
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I don't know, because truth be told despite the era, people somehow conclude that there's always others out there, thus that becomes the go to for dealing with toxic people instead of confronting them, because fact is then that feeling it'll spill on to meeting new people/trying to make new friends, let alone something I've been wondering about, is part of why maybe we put so much value on finding a romantic partner, for especially the narratives about people that have trouble with making/maintaining friends, is because paradoxically it's as if a finding a romantic partner is easier to obtain than platonic friendships, but somehow romantic relationships/marriages can be harder to maintain then platonic relationships,
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moonmistress8719
I was verbally and emotionally abused by my mother growing up to where i developed anxious attachement and avoidant attachment. I would never let people close to me becsuse i never wanted to be hurt. I eventually met someone years later that was very patient with me and was the first person i willingly let in. I found out i had attachment problems through him when i woild constantly seek reassurance from him. I started trying to work on myself because i love him and eventually sought therapy when I realized that i couldn't fix my problems by myself and i was developing bad coping mechanisms. Now i an 6 months pregnant with a girl and i told myself that if i had a child that the abuse stopped at me
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I was verbally and emotionally abused by my mother growing up to where i developed anxious attachement and avoidant attachment. I would never let people close to me becsuse i never wanted to be hurt. I eventually met someone years later that was very patient with me and was the first person i willingly let in. I found out i had attachment problems through him when i woild constantly seek reassurance from him. I started trying to work on myself because i love him and eventually sought therapy when I realized that i couldn't fix my problems by myself and i was developing bad coping mechanisms. Now i an 6 months pregnant with a girl and i told myself that if i had a child that the abuse stopped at me
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Luca_Nalin
I agree with everything mentioned in this video. Every aspect about how the environment in the family affects your emotional developing is something I know well, because even my therapist told me that it's crucial to have an healthy environment in the family, in order to grow up properly. Unfortunatly, this isn't may case. My parents broke up when I was 6 and living with an overprotective mum wasn't easy. Not to mention the lack of attention about the toxic environment I had to face for 8 years at school, where I got bullied almost every day.
I'm currently 28, and I still struggle in many areas of my life. My therapist helped me a lot during the last year, but I know I still have a long way to go
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I agree with everything mentioned in this video. Every aspect about how the environment in the family affects your emotional developing is something I know well, because even my therapist told me that it's crucial to have an healthy environment in the family, in order to grow up properly. Unfortunatly, this isn't may case. My parents broke up when I was 6 and living with an overprotective mum wasn't easy. Not to mention the lack of attention about the toxic environment I had to face for 8 years at school, where I got bullied almost every day.
I'm currently 28, and I still struggle in many areas of my life. My therapist helped me a lot during the last year, but I know I still have a long way to go
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AceKite00
I'm probably the worst for Anxious attachment people. Because i think I'm what they call Dismissive avoidant I really like my space and quiet. I can go days without speaking to my partner no problem. But I will definitely miss them, so that's when i'll come out and spend every second with them for two days straight then go back to my own thing again. Problem is, they'll start thinking i don't like them or im sending mixed signals. That in turn makes ME anxious. I'm all about quality time spent, not quantity. How can we fully appreciate each other's existence if we're around each other every second of everyday! Idk. I'll give it more thought.
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I'm probably the worst for Anxious attachment people. Because i think I'm what they call Dismissive avoidant I really like my space and quiet. I can go days without speaking to my partner no problem. But I will definitely miss them, so that's when i'll come out and spend every second with them for two days straight then go back to my own thing again. Problem is, they'll start thinking i don't like them or im sending mixed signals. That in turn makes ME anxious. I'm all about quality time spent, not quantity. How can we fully appreciate each other's existence if we're around each other every second of everyday! Idk. I'll give it more thought.
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pepsbutt
I often think abt my parents' relationship, which made me develop a strong aversion from romance. There were many negative interactions amongst them that made me realise, you're extremely lucky to have a marriage engulfed by true unapologetic love. I'm an adult now and I discovered I'm most likely on the aro and ace spectrums. I've always felt so strongly/deeply for platonic relationships and find myself disgusted/appalled whenever I think of being in a romantic relationship myself. It's so interesting to see how our caregivers can influence our world view.
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I often think abt my parents' relationship, which made me develop a strong aversion from romance. There were many negative interactions amongst them that made me realise, you're extremely lucky to have a marriage engulfed by true unapologetic love. I'm an adult now and I discovered I'm most likely on the aro and ace spectrums. I've always felt so strongly/deeply for platonic relationships and find myself disgusted/appalled whenever I think of being in a romantic relationship myself. It's so interesting to see how our caregivers can influence our world view.
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gswinney1533
If I'm honest, I'm completely baffled how people get into relationships in the first place, but I feel that may be because I was always 'removed' from the rest of my peers.
I just can't understand why anyone would actually flirt with someone else and not get punched in the face for it. The whole charade seems rude and intrusive as hell. I just don't get it.
Of course, I could blame this lack of understanding on my highly. traumatic childhood. I doubt that would change anything though.
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If I'm honest, I'm completely baffled how people get into relationships in the first place, but I feel that may be because I was always 'removed' from the rest of my peers.
I just can't understand why anyone would actually flirt with someone else and not get punched in the face for it. The whole charade seems rude and intrusive as hell. I just don't get it.
Of course, I could blame this lack of understanding on my highly. traumatic childhood. I doubt that would change anything though.
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justanamerican9024
I visited my son and daughter-in-law. There was not one minuet that one or both of them had their eyes on some form of media. The TV is on; the daughter is on her tablet with a video playing; the son is either playing a game online or on his phone. Any conversation is over at least two audios going at one time. I do not know if I was heard by everyone there once. I've talked to them about it with no effect. Modern life Sounds more like detachment syndrome to me.
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I visited my son and daughter-in-law. There was not one minuet that one or both of them had their eyes on some form of media. The TV is on; the daughter is on her tablet with a video playing; the son is either playing a game online or on his phone. Any conversation is over at least two audios going at one time. I do not know if I was heard by everyone there once. I've talked to them about it with no effect. Modern life Sounds more like detachment syndrome to me.
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dymoure
I think there have always been toxic relationships. I think too many people are thinking things with a glass half-empty, like, I’m worse than I’ve ever been. I genuinely don’t believe thoughts like that help. Just be the best version of yourself alone. Embrace positive change. A single, pure person is better than two toxic, broken people. And a single pure person has a better chance of finding another single, pure person. By far.
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I think there have always been toxic relationships. I think too many people are thinking things with a glass half-empty, like, I’m worse than I’ve ever been. I genuinely don’t believe thoughts like that help. Just be the best version of yourself alone. Embrace positive change. A single, pure person is better than two toxic, broken people. And a single pure person has a better chance of finding another single, pure person. By far.
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psych2go
I personally think one of the issues is that most people don't show signs of respect anymore. No matter how nice and honest you are, most people are pretty rude and dismissive. I don't mean to sound rude myself but i don't think these people need to be in a relationship if they have that sort mindset and attitude towards people. They need to take time to work on themself, so they can learn and grow as a person.
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I personally think one of the issues is that most people don't show signs of respect anymore. No matter how nice and honest you are, most people are pretty rude and dismissive. I don't mean to sound rude myself but i don't think these people need to be in a relationship if they have that sort mindset and attitude towards people. They need to take time to work on themself, so they can learn and grow as a person.
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keip4568
Literally no one wants a relationship nowadays. Hookups are all on top. Fun only to open relationships.
Toxic ones are common as that other person after praising you, wanting nothing but you doing for them and you feeling shaming for your traumas and negative parts.
Many are even in open relationships
no one cares for your sadness to traumas just the good that looks good
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Literally no one wants a relationship nowadays. Hookups are all on top. Fun only to open relationships.
Toxic ones are common as that other person after praising you, wanting nothing but you doing for them and you feeling shaming for your traumas and negative parts.
Many are even in open relationships
no one cares for your sadness to traumas just the good that looks good
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just. a. tanuki
Low-key people are just insecure AF and don't want to admit it the phrase she's allowed to have guy friends but they have to be my friends too or he's not allowed to have any girls added on Snap or something like that is the textbook definition of toxic that's not going to stop them for cheating it's only going to make them more sneaky for all the people who are doing this
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Low-key people are just insecure AF and don't want to admit it the phrase she's allowed to have guy friends but they have to be my friends too or he's not allowed to have any girls added on Snap or something like that is the textbook definition of toxic that's not going to stop them for cheating it's only going to make them more sneaky for all the people who are doing this
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littysavior9181
It always suprises me on how early on I realized not to replicate the toxic behaviors my mom exhibited (she had an extremely rough, confusing, and manipulative upbringing.
Like, for some reason my moral code was to help others prevent experiencing what my mom and I did.
Therefore, Ive observed and learned how to have a healthy relationship with myself and others.
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It always suprises me on how early on I realized not to replicate the toxic behaviors my mom exhibited (she had an extremely rough, confusing, and manipulative upbringing.
Like, for some reason my moral code was to help others prevent experiencing what my mom and I did.
Therefore, Ive observed and learned how to have a healthy relationship with myself and others.
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user-fc2tj8lf2m
My parents died when I was young. My dad in a workplace accident when I was 9 and my mom from Cancer when I was 15. Because of this I've developed abandonment issues, have trouble trusting though I also tend to open up far to easily to people undeserving. Also I tend to hold on to the people I can let into my life, like that life itself depends on it.
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My parents died when I was young. My dad in a workplace accident when I was 9 and my mom from Cancer when I was 15. Because of this I've developed abandonment issues, have trouble trusting though I also tend to open up far to easily to people undeserving. Also I tend to hold on to the people I can let into my life, like that life itself depends on it.
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