7 Reasons Why We Avoid Intimacy
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
honilock
I don't do physical intimacy. Not even hugs (last time I hugged someone was my mom when she had a REALLY bad fight with her partner (I refuse to call him my father.
I don't fear rejection nor am I disgusted or opposed to touching another person. I just don't do it. I find expressing my feelings with words to be the most true. If I speak clearly or fumble my words imo that says way more than a random hug or squeeze of a hand. Plus, I can explain myself if the other person doesn't get my feelings immediately.
If I hugged someone who'd recently been through heartbreak that immediately opens at least two possibilities. Either I'm a good friend consoling the person or I'm taking advantage of their vulnerability to paint a better picture of me in their eyes to improve/upgrade my relationship with them.
On the other hand I can just tell them what I feel and think and let them decide on how to react with proof, not just an ambiguous hug.
I'm a staunch realist and objectivist so I want to intake and express myself as factually correct as possible. Random physical actions just don't allign with my thought process. Again, I don't fear touch, I just think I wouldn't express everything with it.
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I don't do physical intimacy. Not even hugs (last time I hugged someone was my mom when she had a REALLY bad fight with her partner (I refuse to call him my father.
I don't fear rejection nor am I disgusted or opposed to touching another person. I just don't do it. I find expressing my feelings with words to be the most true. If I speak clearly or fumble my words imo that says way more than a random hug or squeeze of a hand. Plus, I can explain myself if the other person doesn't get my feelings immediately.
If I hugged someone who'd recently been through heartbreak that immediately opens at least two possibilities. Either I'm a good friend consoling the person or I'm taking advantage of their vulnerability to paint a better picture of me in their eyes to improve/upgrade my relationship with them.
On the other hand I can just tell them what I feel and think and let them decide on how to react with proof, not just an ambiguous hug.
I'm a staunch realist and objectivist so I want to intake and express myself as factually correct as possible. Random physical actions just don't allign with my thought process. Again, I don't fear touch, I just think I wouldn't express everything with it.
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education
Comments on each section
1. I feel like I have to give myself for people but only because I want them to like me to the extent they dont ignore my existence.
2. I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style and was always told to rely on myself
3. I avoid talking to people yet desperately want attention so I try a little.
4. Nope.
5. Nope, well I abused myself for awhile, and was isolated in k-5 and still am by society.
6. Disorganized, my parents did love me yet werent the best at supporting me, I was a lot. Im not truly avoidant, others just never showed care for me and now they very rarely do still besides my parents.
7. Well idk if my parents truly had a big effect. I always knew I was different from them and I have different beliefs and ideas and I stand in them, but respect them.
Perhaps the way the social world is is too much for my small jealous brain to handle. People dont just feel curious about people and talk to them. I want someone to want to know me. Im tired of my relationships being one sided but when theyre both sided it feels wrong. I wish I could just get it through my head that Im not going to be happy with recognition anyways.
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Comments on each section
1. I feel like I have to give myself for people but only because I want them to like me to the extent they dont ignore my existence.
2. I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style and was always told to rely on myself
3. I avoid talking to people yet desperately want attention so I try a little.
4. Nope.
5. Nope, well I abused myself for awhile, and was isolated in k-5 and still am by society.
6. Disorganized, my parents did love me yet werent the best at supporting me, I was a lot. Im not truly avoidant, others just never showed care for me and now they very rarely do still besides my parents.
7. Well idk if my parents truly had a big effect. I always knew I was different from them and I have different beliefs and ideas and I stand in them, but respect them.
Perhaps the way the social world is is too much for my small jealous brain to handle. People dont just feel curious about people and talk to them. I want someone to want to know me. Im tired of my relationships being one sided but when theyre both sided it feels wrong. I wish I could just get it through my head that Im not going to be happy with recognition anyways.
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OctoberElectric
As someone who has a narcissistic
family. They set me up for failure. I want to become a harpest so I can have at lest somthing that will make me happy. Years upon years of loneliness & trama from abusive boyfriends. I went to therapy that help with my PTSD. However i dont think its necessary to go to family counseling. Why should I go to therapy for something that should have gotten taken care of before I existed. That doesnt make sense to me. Which makes think my mother lied yet again about going with her mom. So you know what no I am not will not go to therapy for a toxic relationship the damage has already been done. Here I am existing no job hardly any money no friends & family is all screwed up to not want anything to do with them. Im done to call it quits & try to be a harpest. I am a 30 year old disabled woman who is afraid of men. Dad always threw temper tantrums but he never hit us. Just yelled allot which scared us as child. Its just exhausting mentally wise & I am just done. Of course I am escape goat by the way.
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As someone who has a narcissistic
family. They set me up for failure. I want to become a harpest so I can have at lest somthing that will make me happy. Years upon years of loneliness & trama from abusive boyfriends. I went to therapy that help with my PTSD. However i dont think its necessary to go to family counseling. Why should I go to therapy for something that should have gotten taken care of before I existed. That doesnt make sense to me. Which makes think my mother lied yet again about going with her mom. So you know what no I am not will not go to therapy for a toxic relationship the damage has already been done. Here I am existing no job hardly any money no friends & family is all screwed up to not want anything to do with them. Im done to call it quits & try to be a harpest. I am a 30 year old disabled woman who is afraid of men. Dad always threw temper tantrums but he never hit us. Just yelled allot which scared us as child. Its just exhausting mentally wise & I am just done. Of course I am escape goat by the way.
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Kjed78
I've denied myself intimacy since ever because I was abused mentaly, physically and emotionally by my classmates from age 8 to 14. Since then I've only been surviving in this world. Never really lived. Never any drive to become anything.
My bullies did in a sense kill me. I haven't felt joy, happiness or love ever since. Never allowed myself to be intimate with people and always expect the worst from others. When friendships are getting closer I find myself new friends and ghost the last ones because of the fear of vulnerability.
I never allowed myself to cry and if I do cry. I'll always apologize to people who witness me crying and blame myself for being weak and not manly enough to not have mastered my emotions yet.
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I've denied myself intimacy since ever because I was abused mentaly, physically and emotionally by my classmates from age 8 to 14. Since then I've only been surviving in this world. Never really lived. Never any drive to become anything.
My bullies did in a sense kill me. I haven't felt joy, happiness or love ever since. Never allowed myself to be intimate with people and always expect the worst from others. When friendships are getting closer I find myself new friends and ghost the last ones because of the fear of vulnerability.
I never allowed myself to cry and if I do cry. I'll always apologize to people who witness me crying and blame myself for being weak and not manly enough to not have mastered my emotions yet.
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Leche
That's really strange, I think I might have fearful-avoidant attachment style but my parents are really nice.
I guess I am hyper-sensitive or there is something else at play in my childhood that lead to me behaving like this now. Perhaps the root of everything is from the fact that I don't have enough faith in people, so I
1. Not that willing to open myself up to others because I feel that other's might ridicule me and/or trivialize my thoughts
2. Not that willing to invest in others and form closer relationship for both friendship and intimate relationship
3. Scared of working with others because I've been let down before
4. believe others will dodge responsibilities and blames
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That's really strange, I think I might have fearful-avoidant attachment style but my parents are really nice.
I guess I am hyper-sensitive or there is something else at play in my childhood that lead to me behaving like this now. Perhaps the root of everything is from the fact that I don't have enough faith in people, so I
1. Not that willing to open myself up to others because I feel that other's might ridicule me and/or trivialize my thoughts
2. Not that willing to invest in others and form closer relationship for both friendship and intimate relationship
3. Scared of working with others because I've been let down before
4. believe others will dodge responsibilities and blames
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Katherine
If you want a friend, get a dog. (Gordon Gekko)/ Hahaha. Sorry, Could not resist. On a serious note intimacy comes to those who enjoy their own company and are not afraid to be alone. It is the need to remain in the herd regardless of cost that causes so much suffering. You get two parents who probably were not that great at being parents. Let go of the need for additional parents to make up for the ones that did a terrible job in the first place. Stop using people to fill up the emptiness inside and learn to fill it up on your own. Once you accomplish this you will have to than find a way to escape people because everyone will want to use you to discover your secret to happiness.
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If you want a friend, get a dog. (Gordon Gekko)/ Hahaha. Sorry, Could not resist. On a serious note intimacy comes to those who enjoy their own company and are not afraid to be alone. It is the need to remain in the herd regardless of cost that causes so much suffering. You get two parents who probably were not that great at being parents. Let go of the need for additional parents to make up for the ones that did a terrible job in the first place. Stop using people to fill up the emptiness inside and learn to fill it up on your own. Once you accomplish this you will have to than find a way to escape people because everyone will want to use you to discover your secret to happiness.
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Helionus
I crave and fear it at the same time. Even minor things like random touch or being closer than I want makes me extremely hypersensitive. It just that unusual for me. But I so want a relationship I basically crave for any physical or emotional contact. When there is common ground in conversation or when minor physical contact initiated by me, it makes me feels so over and wanting more. My biggest fear would be that, even if my partner (if there ever be) would give me time so i can get used to intimacy, they would just quit because it would be too long and they won't wait because it would take so much time and just quit.
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I crave and fear it at the same time. Even minor things like random touch or being closer than I want makes me extremely hypersensitive. It just that unusual for me. But I so want a relationship I basically crave for any physical or emotional contact. When there is common ground in conversation or when minor physical contact initiated by me, it makes me feels so over and wanting more. My biggest fear would be that, even if my partner (if there ever be) would give me time so i can get used to intimacy, they would just quit because it would be too long and they won't wait because it would take so much time and just quit.
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Ashley
I often avoid intimacy with anyone, even my own mother. I love hugs, kisses, holding hands, and whatnot. But at the same time, I hate it. It icks me even though I'm a touchy person. I don't understand it myself. But I'm okay with my boyfriend touching me. Not in a dirty way but still. It's weird how I trust him more than the people around me. Everyone in my life has treated me with nothing but love. I feel safer about him talking about my body rather than when my family does.
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I often avoid intimacy with anyone, even my own mother. I love hugs, kisses, holding hands, and whatnot. But at the same time, I hate it. It icks me even though I'm a touchy person. I don't understand it myself. But I'm okay with my boyfriend touching me. Not in a dirty way but still. It's weird how I trust him more than the people around me. Everyone in my life has treated me with nothing but love. I feel safer about him talking about my body rather than when my family does.
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Joshua
I very rarely downvote your videos, but bashing going to your parents for advice is bullsh--. If I'm having a hard time in a relationship I'm going to seek the advice of my parents who just celebrated 35 years of marriage.
Don't listen to that bad piece of advice kids. Especially women. Your single bitter friends who have 4 kids by 3 different daddies aren't going to give you good advice. If their advice was so good they wouldn't be in a worse situation than you are.
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I very rarely downvote your videos, but bashing going to your parents for advice is bullsh--. If I'm having a hard time in a relationship I'm going to seek the advice of my parents who just celebrated 35 years of marriage.
Don't listen to that bad piece of advice kids. Especially women. Your single bitter friends who have 4 kids by 3 different daddies aren't going to give you good advice. If their advice was so good they wouldn't be in a worse situation than you are.
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Abe
Im definitely disorganized attachment because practically all my relationships Ive craved and avoided intimacy its kinda confusing I crave it till I have it then I avoid it and run away its why Ive kinda given up on relationships until I fix that issue but I did grow with my brother was very verbally abusive to me because always felt the need to be in control so he was very manipulative a lot of the time so maybe thats why I am the way I am
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Im definitely disorganized attachment because practically all my relationships Ive craved and avoided intimacy its kinda confusing I crave it till I have it then I avoid it and run away its why Ive kinda given up on relationships until I fix that issue but I did grow with my brother was very verbally abusive to me because always felt the need to be in control so he was very manipulative a lot of the time so maybe thats why I am the way I am
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Lord
Well thanks for the nightmares, I could be the poster child for all of these. I found the best way to navigate this world is to lock everything up inside and just explode every now and then on people that have no idea I have head demons. Im getting older now, more then halfway to the grave and then I can rest. On a positive note I like the white face animations you created, they are cute, and id like to hug one while I drift off to sleep.
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Well thanks for the nightmares, I could be the poster child for all of these. I found the best way to navigate this world is to lock everything up inside and just explode every now and then on people that have no idea I have head demons. Im getting older now, more then halfway to the grave and then I can rest. On a positive note I like the white face animations you created, they are cute, and id like to hug one while I drift off to sleep.
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Nicole
Mainly mine, I kind of gave up, not only so much hurt and others controlling me but how horrible others can act, child hood trouble and even hugs, I feel so iced I rarely care about even hugs, just weird and sorts but still love others is ok, just simply minded fools ruin my image of others really like hugs or hands but eh, I am ok just wondering why! Where is my smart other half with a simple chat.
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Mainly mine, I kind of gave up, not only so much hurt and others controlling me but how horrible others can act, child hood trouble and even hugs, I feel so iced I rarely care about even hugs, just weird and sorts but still love others is ok, just simply minded fools ruin my image of others really like hugs or hands but eh, I am ok just wondering why! Where is my smart other half with a simple chat.
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Illuzions
Im not really afraid of anything, Im just very avoidant because I feel like people who try to show me love are just faking it. What Im trying to say is that I feel unlovable, I talk to people more than a normal inteovert probably but it really takes a lot of time for me to even openly call you my friend, if you force it upon me I will just smiley like Im insane and be quiet lmfao
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Im not really afraid of anything, Im just very avoidant because I feel like people who try to show me love are just faking it. What Im trying to say is that I feel unlovable, I talk to people more than a normal inteovert probably but it really takes a lot of time for me to even openly call you my friend, if you force it upon me I will just smiley like Im insane and be quiet lmfao
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Zachary
Ive been diagnosed with AVPD. The worst part of it is that there isn't anything I want more in the world other then being in a loving relationship like I'm desperate, but I'm absolutely too terrified to do anything about it. It's a major source of my depression. I dont understand why and it effects more then just relationships but work too.
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Ive been diagnosed with AVPD. The worst part of it is that there isn't anything I want more in the world other then being in a loving relationship like I'm desperate, but I'm absolutely too terrified to do anything about it. It's a major source of my depression. I dont understand why and it effects more then just relationships but work too.
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UnfortunateMJ
I left my partner bc they made me feel incredibly unsatisfied, un cared for, and not happy
They kept talking to me like I was just using them, I spent so much time telling them I wouldnt use them and they had proof of it too, but still they talked to me like I had ulterior motive, it pissed me off they couldnt trust me
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I left my partner bc they made me feel incredibly unsatisfied, un cared for, and not happy
They kept talking to me like I was just using them, I spent so much time telling them I wouldnt use them and they had proof of it too, but still they talked to me like I had ulterior motive, it pissed me off they couldnt trust me
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Diares
I was and still am so scared of losing myself and my goals when letting love through, that I literally pushed away a person who would have been nothing short but perfect for me and I just can't seem to fight this fear off. I just really hope one day it'll get weaker.
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I was and still am so scared of losing myself and my goals when letting love through, that I literally pushed away a person who would have been nothing short but perfect for me and I just can't seem to fight this fear off. I just really hope one day it'll get weaker.
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Carolina
1-. Rejection and engulfment (00: 43)
2-. Fear of abandonment (01: 30)
3-. Avoidant personality disorder (02: 19)
4-. Childhood SA (03: 10)
5-. Previous abuse (03: 44)
6-. Parental neglect (04: 42)
7-. Separation and overdependence (05: 49)
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1-. Rejection and engulfment (00: 43)
2-. Fear of abandonment (01: 30)
3-. Avoidant personality disorder (02: 19)
4-. Childhood SA (03: 10)
5-. Previous abuse (03: 44)
6-. Parental neglect (04: 42)
7-. Separation and overdependence (05: 49)
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Laura
Yeah sure you get dominated by being hugged. This is straight up schizophrenia. Universe please keep these kind of people away from me. I personally have a huge problem with abandonment but NEVER refuse a hug. It is disrespectful to refuse a hug or cheek kiss.
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Yeah sure you get dominated by being hugged. This is straight up schizophrenia. Universe please keep these kind of people away from me. I personally have a huge problem with abandonment but NEVER refuse a hug. It is disrespectful to refuse a hug or cheek kiss.
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Shawn
me sometimes I need to avoid this because I'm afraid to have an infection from them. my parents are very strikt. my parents stills old-fashioned. Be some people say my parents are dictatorship but not. parents must people loves you.
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me sometimes I need to avoid this because I'm afraid to have an infection from them. my parents are very strikt. my parents stills old-fashioned. Be some people say my parents are dictatorship but not. parents must people loves you.
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F3ragor
I have a skin condition in where I can't use normal soaps and can't go to the shower every day and cant use deodorants, Im actually terrified I reek especially when people people hug me, even though everyone keeps saying I dont
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I have a skin condition in where I can't use normal soaps and can't go to the shower every day and cant use deodorants, Im actually terrified I reek especially when people people hug me, even though everyone keeps saying I dont
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Irasemoomoo
i crave it so bad but i just feel weird putting myself outt there and also weird, like its unlike me. Id prefer if the guy would take initiative and even be persistent so i can really feel like he wants my affection
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i crave it so bad but i just feel weird putting myself outt there and also weird, like its unlike me. Id prefer if the guy would take initiative and even be persistent so i can really feel like he wants my affection
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Xar'Azoth
France really helped me to get more relaxed with stuff like that. They really don't seem to have an idea of personal space. but they are super nice about it, so you really don't mind after a while.
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France really helped me to get more relaxed with stuff like that. They really don't seem to have an idea of personal space. but they are super nice about it, so you really don't mind after a while.
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Jakob
I. I dont get my own Personality, like im watching this right now its super interessting i like thissoft voice and cute animations and find it calming to watch while playing War thunder and Gta V
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I. I dont get my own Personality, like im watching this right now its super interessting i like thissoft voice and cute animations and find it calming to watch while playing War thunder and Gta V
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Gruntgamer420
I avoid intimacy simply because I don't trust people at all. Everyone I have ever trusted to do even the smallest thing, stabs me in the back. So I do not trust anyone at all anymore.
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I avoid intimacy simply because I don't trust people at all. Everyone I have ever trusted to do even the smallest thing, stabs me in the back. So I do not trust anyone at all anymore.
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malachi
Holy shit on one an already spot on i never even knew thats why i do that i usually just avoid those specific exact factors but never really thought it related to intimacy in anyway
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Holy shit on one an already spot on i never even knew thats why i do that i usually just avoid those specific exact factors but never really thought it related to intimacy in anyway
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