How Your Childhood Affects Your Love Styles
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
WithermanJack
So, I don't really know where to start. I've been meaning to tell someone about this for a while, but the only person that I felt like I could tell is my school psychologist, but it's summer now. I spent pretty much ever since I realized that this is an issue to the end of the year to build up the nerve to tell him about this. I've had my fair share of trauma, 1st 2nd and 3rd grade I had some not so great teachers. 1st grade there was a physically abusive teacher, 2nd and 3rd grade where emotionally abusive. But that's beside the point. Usually when you see someone with trauma and depression, you feel bad and want to care for them, right? Well I don't feel that at all, sometimes I will say comforting things to them, but what I mainly fell is jelusy. It almost seems like I feel that it feels good to hurt. I do things that I know will get me down on purpose just to feel pain. When I was in 3rd grade I had a dream where my entire class fell out of a plane into water, I acted like I was badly injured and I remember my teacher and some classmates caring for me, I really enjoyed this dream. And in 1st or 2nd grade, I had a dream where I was having surgery and my classmates acted like they enjoyed being around me then. That's the weird thing, I don't enjoy physical pain. During the end of 3rd grade around the time I switched classes, I started acting like I was emotionally numb, not only that, there was a hole bunch of other disorders I acted like I had. That coincidentally was when teachers and a couple of my peers started treating me better. This all ended around 7th grade, when I got into some legal trouble, I've decided to end that stuff. But I found that it was alreadly a habit. Then I started to have symptoms of bipolar disorder, I don't even know if I'm faking them or not! Now we are coming up to present time. I don't know what's wrong with me! My parents can't afford a behavior therapist! I can't stay out of trouble! Please help me.
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So, I don't really know where to start. I've been meaning to tell someone about this for a while, but the only person that I felt like I could tell is my school psychologist, but it's summer now. I spent pretty much ever since I realized that this is an issue to the end of the year to build up the nerve to tell him about this. I've had my fair share of trauma, 1st 2nd and 3rd grade I had some not so great teachers. 1st grade there was a physically abusive teacher, 2nd and 3rd grade where emotionally abusive. But that's beside the point. Usually when you see someone with trauma and depression, you feel bad and want to care for them, right? Well I don't feel that at all, sometimes I will say comforting things to them, but what I mainly fell is jelusy. It almost seems like I feel that it feels good to hurt. I do things that I know will get me down on purpose just to feel pain. When I was in 3rd grade I had a dream where my entire class fell out of a plane into water, I acted like I was badly injured and I remember my teacher and some classmates caring for me, I really enjoyed this dream. And in 1st or 2nd grade, I had a dream where I was having surgery and my classmates acted like they enjoyed being around me then. That's the weird thing, I don't enjoy physical pain. During the end of 3rd grade around the time I switched classes, I started acting like I was emotionally numb, not only that, there was a hole bunch of other disorders I acted like I had. That coincidentally was when teachers and a couple of my peers started treating me better. This all ended around 7th grade, when I got into some legal trouble, I've decided to end that stuff. But I found that it was alreadly a habit. Then I started to have symptoms of bipolar disorder, I don't even know if I'm faking them or not! Now we are coming up to present time. I don't know what's wrong with me! My parents can't afford a behavior therapist! I can't stay out of trouble! Please help me.
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Ayana
I think I am the vacillator and the avoider cause when I was a child I used to live in the places where they take the children in a hostel and take of them and let me tell u it was not a pleasing experience. And then after that when I was five or some I started living with my granny and when I was 8 or 9 my parents quitter their jobs and I am living with them right now (I am 12 by the way) but I feel like they dont understand me and right now I am suffering from depression but they dont know about that also they just force me to keep studying and I am not allowed to watch to or anything and I am writing this when they dont know that I am using my phone and yea so right now its like I know how to take of myself by myself and I cant show my emotions to people even when I want to and sometimes I think of hurting myself but I just cant because I think that what will I say to my parents and if I tell them the truth then they punish me. So, ultimately right now I feel neglected and misunderstood and miserable.
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I think I am the vacillator and the avoider cause when I was a child I used to live in the places where they take the children in a hostel and take of them and let me tell u it was not a pleasing experience. And then after that when I was five or some I started living with my granny and when I was 8 or 9 my parents quitter their jobs and I am living with them right now (I am 12 by the way) but I feel like they dont understand me and right now I am suffering from depression but they dont know about that also they just force me to keep studying and I am not allowed to watch to or anything and I am writing this when they dont know that I am using my phone and yea so right now its like I know how to take of myself by myself and I cant show my emotions to people even when I want to and sometimes I think of hurting myself but I just cant because I think that what will I say to my parents and if I tell them the truth then they punish me. So, ultimately right now I feel neglected and misunderstood and miserable.
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myna
I'm none of the above.
my style of loving is: mostly not remembering my loved ones even exist.
like seriously it's not 'avoiding' them, but rather 'forgeting' them.
all my past lovers said I'd shower them with love and bubbles when l'm around, but once I walk out of the room if they don't contact me first I'll completely forget about them until they give up and contact first, an ex of mine once refrained from calling for a whole month and I didn't even notice until he called to complain, the thing is. before that month we used to talk on a daily basis, so it's kind of weird that I didn't notice his absence.
I never mean for that to happen I swear, I just get so invested and interested with whatever I'm doing at the moment and find joy in a lot of things that I completely forget the rest of the world still exists, and I treat love the same way.
If anyone reads my comment and know what this exotic case of mine is, please do tell me.
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I'm none of the above.
my style of loving is: mostly not remembering my loved ones even exist.
like seriously it's not 'avoiding' them, but rather 'forgeting' them.
all my past lovers said I'd shower them with love and bubbles when l'm around, but once I walk out of the room if they don't contact me first I'll completely forget about them until they give up and contact first, an ex of mine once refrained from calling for a whole month and I didn't even notice until he called to complain, the thing is. before that month we used to talk on a daily basis, so it's kind of weird that I didn't notice his absence.
I never mean for that to happen I swear, I just get so invested and interested with whatever I'm doing at the moment and find joy in a lot of things that I completely forget the rest of the world still exists, and I treat love the same way.
If anyone reads my comment and know what this exotic case of mine is, please do tell me.
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Astro
Im a vacillator 10000%. My parents didnt go on vacation or anything. But I remember a distinct cut off in affection when I wasnt a cute kid anymore. When I was a teen I would get so angry whenever they would wanna be affectionate with me? I thought that was because of angsty teen shit but yea, looking back I can see it was because of this. My parents have a lot of passive aggressive happy birthday cards from when I was younger. And yeah! Im 100000% more sensitive to when people are pulling away, when theyre shutting down and not listening, or just not into what Ive got going on. So I cover that with humor. I never got into relationships because of this and Now at almost 30 Im dating for the first time and Ive already figured out I need to go slow. But this just affirms this for me lol
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Im a vacillator 10000%. My parents didnt go on vacation or anything. But I remember a distinct cut off in affection when I wasnt a cute kid anymore. When I was a teen I would get so angry whenever they would wanna be affectionate with me? I thought that was because of angsty teen shit but yea, looking back I can see it was because of this. My parents have a lot of passive aggressive happy birthday cards from when I was younger. And yeah! Im 100000% more sensitive to when people are pulling away, when theyre shutting down and not listening, or just not into what Ive got going on. So I cover that with humor. I never got into relationships because of this and Now at almost 30 Im dating for the first time and Ive already figured out I need to go slow. But this just affirms this for me lol
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pancakes46
i relate to the last love style the most. its not because they wanted me to be independent its because she had to work. she was the only one keeping food on the table. i was left as soon as i could survive on my own. i find my own entertainment, friends, explore new places and get lost. then somehow still find my way home. one time i took the wrong bus and it brought me to some city area i was so amazed at the structures and worried at the same time. so yea its been years and now i can practically instinctively find my way home no matter where i am (in my country) kinda sad and neglected childhood but she had to keep the food on thr table and the electricity running
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i relate to the last love style the most. its not because they wanted me to be independent its because she had to work. she was the only one keeping food on the table. i was left as soon as i could survive on my own. i find my own entertainment, friends, explore new places and get lost. then somehow still find my way home. one time i took the wrong bus and it brought me to some city area i was so amazed at the structures and worried at the same time. so yea its been years and now i can practically instinctively find my way home no matter where i am (in my country) kinda sad and neglected childhood but she had to keep the food on thr table and the electricity running
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the
i dont know what I could be, i mean I relate a mix of all of them, but when i was a kid, my parents kept arguing, the only thing that I could hear at home was my parents yelling at each others, and all I could is helping them separately. One night i heard my Dad crying and i went to him, and i stayed next to him all night to help him to feel better, instead, my mom it was like that she didnt care of me and of my Dad, she only liked my sister, all I could do with he is staying in my room, and staying alone. I dont know why, but i keep trying to get affection from people older than me. Im still so confused about why i do that.
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i dont know what I could be, i mean I relate a mix of all of them, but when i was a kid, my parents kept arguing, the only thing that I could hear at home was my parents yelling at each others, and all I could is helping them separately. One night i heard my Dad crying and i went to him, and i stayed next to him all night to help him to feel better, instead, my mom it was like that she didnt care of me and of my Dad, she only liked my sister, all I could do with he is staying in my room, and staying alone. I dont know why, but i keep trying to get affection from people older than me. Im still so confused about why i do that.
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Ashley
I've been a pleaser all my life. I grew up with an emotionally devoid alcoholic mother who would demean me and sell my toys off for alcohol money and a father who left at an early age. It's been hard for me to put boundaries up with others and I fear that I am using my current relationship (that i've screwed up a lot) as a replacement for my mother. I give so much to him and my children and my job and at the end of the day I still feel so empty. I am just starting trauma therapy and I hope that I can get better not only for myself but so that my children won't have to grow up with the wounds I did.
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I've been a pleaser all my life. I grew up with an emotionally devoid alcoholic mother who would demean me and sell my toys off for alcohol money and a father who left at an early age. It's been hard for me to put boundaries up with others and I fear that I am using my current relationship (that i've screwed up a lot) as a replacement for my mother. I give so much to him and my children and my job and at the end of the day I still feel so empty. I am just starting trauma therapy and I hope that I can get better not only for myself but so that my children won't have to grow up with the wounds I did.
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White
The main fact is simple: Your parents and how they raise you till the end of your teenage years will effect whole your life choices. As far as I see, the people who had healthy childhoods mostly end up to have healthy relationships of their own and better lives. It's really sad that some people who don't have any sense of responsibility to be a parent are having children and ruining their children's lives. Being able to have children shouldn't mean to have children.
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The main fact is simple: Your parents and how they raise you till the end of your teenage years will effect whole your life choices. As far as I see, the people who had healthy childhoods mostly end up to have healthy relationships of their own and better lives. It's really sad that some people who don't have any sense of responsibility to be a parent are having children and ruining their children's lives. Being able to have children shouldn't mean to have children.
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graesce
Im definitely the vacillator. I grew up as a middle child and my parents were unpredictable. Both of them were either laid back or in a very bad mood and became unreasonable and angry. I do unfortunately have unfair expectations of other people and find myself very disappointed in my friendships and relationships. I have been trying really hard to care less about these situations and tell myself that its not personal, but its such a struggle.
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Im definitely the vacillator. I grew up as a middle child and my parents were unpredictable. Both of them were either laid back or in a very bad mood and became unreasonable and angry. I do unfortunately have unfair expectations of other people and find myself very disappointed in my friendships and relationships. I have been trying really hard to care less about these situations and tell myself that its not personal, but its such a struggle.
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Rita
I don; t know what groupI belong to. I was an only child. Spoiled, espcially by my dad, who I loved to bits. Later in life I wasn; t spoiled at all. I had to fend for myself most of the time. And did! I cant''t understand why I have allways fallen for bossy, arrogant men. People say one falls for ones father. In my case this isn't true at all. I'm rather a bossy person myself and a control-freak. Then why do I fall for these men?
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I don; t know what groupI belong to. I was an only child. Spoiled, espcially by my dad, who I loved to bits. Later in life I wasn; t spoiled at all. I had to fend for myself most of the time. And did! I cant''t understand why I have allways fallen for bossy, arrogant men. People say one falls for ones father. In my case this isn't true at all. I'm rather a bossy person myself and a control-freak. Then why do I fall for these men?
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?
The victim I lot a lot of shit that bothers me slide and only speak up when its feels like Im being disrespected in a major way or if it matters enough for me to do so besides that a I just do whatever my partner wants to do and sometimes I anticipate the worst in the back of my mind so I protect myself by expecting shit or not being surprised if things turn out shitty or just having low expectations in general
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The victim I lot a lot of shit that bothers me slide and only speak up when its feels like Im being disrespected in a major way or if it matters enough for me to do so besides that a I just do whatever my partner wants to do and sometimes I anticipate the worst in the back of my mind so I protect myself by expecting shit or not being surprised if things turn out shitty or just having low expectations in general
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Punk
I grew up in extremely toxic family. I feel numb and sad knowing i fall in all the categories. Entire life i was exhausted mentally and physically I am married and old dont ha e enerygy to do anything i know things now but its too late. i guess this was my life was. sad, pointless, full of tears so tht in the end someone tells me it doesnt had to be tht. I will just die sad, pointless full of tears
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I grew up in extremely toxic family. I feel numb and sad knowing i fall in all the categories. Entire life i was exhausted mentally and physically I am married and old dont ha e enerygy to do anything i know things now but its too late. i guess this was my life was. sad, pointless, full of tears so tht in the end someone tells me it doesnt had to be tht. I will just die sad, pointless full of tears
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FlatteredFlower
I'm a pleaser but I always have to stop people from fighting. Especially two girl fighting for love and I often have to comfort them. But I still can't stop smiling and always feel happy when people are around when they weren't around I felt nothing and often get angry for simple things. But I love your videos, this help me understand others more than how I understand myself.
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I'm a pleaser but I always have to stop people from fighting. Especially two girl fighting for love and I often have to comfort them. But I still can't stop smiling and always feel happy when people are around when they weren't around I felt nothing and often get angry for simple things. But I love your videos, this help me understand others more than how I understand myself.
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Dawn
(In terms of general personality, not just love style) Just found out my mother is a controller (she was rarely praised as a child, my aunt would receive all the attention, and was often left alone at home, etc- with the only reason I know this being that she vents to me about all her problems, something shes been doing my entire life) and I guess generational truama made me a pleaser
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(In terms of general personality, not just love style) Just found out my mother is a controller (she was rarely praised as a child, my aunt would receive all the attention, and was often left alone at home, etc- with the only reason I know this being that she vents to me about all her problems, something shes been doing my entire life) and I guess generational truama made me a pleaser
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PunMaster
I aint saying woe is me but its damn near all of em
I know my parents dont WANT to be the way they are but they threw themselves into an unfortunate situation that hurt all of us including them to where they work with what they have yet fall short to circumstances. We aint perfect people by no means sometimes we set ourselves up for failure but it sucks it really does
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I aint saying woe is me but its damn near all of em
I know my parents dont WANT to be the way they are but they threw themselves into an unfortunate situation that hurt all of us including them to where they work with what they have yet fall short to circumstances. We aint perfect people by no means sometimes we set ourselves up for failure but it sucks it really does
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Claire
I related with the pleaser and vacillator the most. I learned early on that pointing out my parents mistakes just ends up with me comforting them l whenever I felt sad depressed angry suicidal i just acted as if everything was fine and they bought it (maybe i should try acting)and I never really let anyone know my true self thank you for helping me understand myself more
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I related with the pleaser and vacillator the most. I learned early on that pointing out my parents mistakes just ends up with me comforting them l whenever I felt sad depressed angry suicidal i just acted as if everything was fine and they bought it (maybe i should try acting)and I never really let anyone know my true self thank you for helping me understand myself more
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psych2go
I never understand why trying to help everyone is a bad idea. I just simply dont anyone to feel alone or helpless. Its not always about managing the tempers of others. I prefer to avoid conflict, but if its necessary Im all for it. I think being nice to everyone is only an issue if youre giving up yourself in return for others well being
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I never understand why trying to help everyone is a bad idea. I just simply dont anyone to feel alone or helpless. Its not always about managing the tempers of others. I prefer to avoid conflict, but if its necessary Im all for it. I think being nice to everyone is only an issue if youre giving up yourself in return for others well being
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Eddy
Thats completely me, a good people pleaser, I cant have a stable relationship, I need attention from my partner and sometimes I am the wrong, I think that I am asking to much when he isnt giving me what I need, like attention and more, maybe its toxic but I cant leave him and I suffer when Im with him, everything becomes sad
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Thats completely me, a good people pleaser, I cant have a stable relationship, I need attention from my partner and sometimes I am the wrong, I think that I am asking to much when he isnt giving me what I need, like attention and more, maybe its toxic but I cant leave him and I suffer when Im with him, everything becomes sad
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TamWam
Me, being the pleaser, the victim AND the vacillator. is that even possible?
I'm always a people pleaser, and always put others before me, i'm adaptable and go with the flow, but i always fear abandonment. luckily im aroace so i dont have to deal with this lmfao
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Me, being the pleaser, the victim AND the vacillator. is that even possible?
I'm always a people pleaser, and always put others before me, i'm adaptable and go with the flow, but i always fear abandonment. luckily im aroace so i dont have to deal with this lmfao
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Weichun
I believe im a mix of pleaser and avoider. Once I got really tired of pleasing a certain situations, I just make up excuses to avoid these social situations and just recover myself. All of which are within spectrum of an introvert. Wish Im the opposite
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I believe im a mix of pleaser and avoider. Once I got really tired of pleasing a certain situations, I just make up excuses to avoid these social situations and just recover myself. All of which are within spectrum of an introvert. Wish Im the opposite
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Honorations
Pleaser, Victim and Controller definetly standed out, but I'm not as much like a dramatic as the stereotypical Victim anymore, but I can recognize that I actually like most of the time being Controller. Do I suffer abuse, no, but neglect.
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Pleaser, Victim and Controller definetly standed out, but I'm not as much like a dramatic as the stereotypical Victim anymore, but I can recognize that I actually like most of the time being Controller. Do I suffer abuse, no, but neglect.
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Honky
Why do I identify with all 5 options? It felt less like a personality trait and more like these were describing different phases in my life
Im so confused, which is where I am currently as well, what does this mean for me!
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Why do I identify with all 5 options? It felt less like a personality trait and more like these were describing different phases in my life
Im so confused, which is where I am currently as well, what does this mean for me!
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SimplyAllChill
im definitely the pleaser i always feel like i have to make everyone happy and be good with everyone. in relationships i just go with what the other person wants
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im definitely the pleaser i always feel like i have to make everyone happy and be good with everyone. in relationships i just go with what the other person wants
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Sprtss
Thank you so, so very much. I was having a very hard time and this made me feel so much better about myself. I am a pleaser and fit the description almost to a T.
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Thank you so, so very much. I was having a very hard time and this made me feel so much better about myself. I am a pleaser and fit the description almost to a T.
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Savastiel
What if you're a little bit of each one? What love style is that. I'm being serious I don't quite fully fit into any of them I have certain aspects of each
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What if you're a little bit of each one? What love style is that. I'm being serious I don't quite fully fit into any of them I have certain aspects of each
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