How to Know If You Have Real Friends
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Date: 2025-06-25
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Comments and reviews: 20
Ghoulastre
I have been thinking about it for a while.
I'm mostly a loner, well, I got two friends, but we only talk when we hang out, we dont chat normally, and I certainly am not the one who starts conversations.
Part of that may be why there's not much deeper than hanging out for having fun. We are three, two socially ackward and one that tries more.
I have been questioning wether to call them friends, but while I cant have deep conversations with them, I can casually talk with them about anything.
That's the closest thing I have to a friend, I may not have a shoulder to cry on, but maybe that's ok.
Wanting more whitout the opportunity will only hurt me, and I already appreciate my friends. Even if I find it hard to show.
I sometimes onconciously isolate myself, that may be seen as putting a wall for others, I dont know.
I have been questioning everything lately, if I walk right, I sit right, I even breathe correctly, and that's making me anxhious.
I'm way too self concious of everything, because I'm aware I am not normal, I dont feel I fit and I have traumas over that.
Maybe trying to fix my behavior is linked to the anxhiety to fit in. There are things I should do, things I do wrong, those it's good that I want to change, the problem is I get obsessed with it, and it hurts me.
Even with friends, I have been lately trying to open up again, I had a rough year. It made me close again, wondering wether I'm making them uncomfortable by being mean.
If I do a joke, the stare, it just, even if I made it to make them laugh some gestures make me feel I maybe made them uncomfortable, sometimes just the way I'm I feel it collides with those arround me.
But some of it, I'm not sure if it's something I should really change.
Sometimes I am genuine, but I feel like my words are cold. like I dont have an opinion.
That makes me question if I'm being genuine at times.
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I have been thinking about it for a while.
I'm mostly a loner, well, I got two friends, but we only talk when we hang out, we dont chat normally, and I certainly am not the one who starts conversations.
Part of that may be why there's not much deeper than hanging out for having fun. We are three, two socially ackward and one that tries more.
I have been questioning wether to call them friends, but while I cant have deep conversations with them, I can casually talk with them about anything.
That's the closest thing I have to a friend, I may not have a shoulder to cry on, but maybe that's ok.
Wanting more whitout the opportunity will only hurt me, and I already appreciate my friends. Even if I find it hard to show.
I sometimes onconciously isolate myself, that may be seen as putting a wall for others, I dont know.
I have been questioning everything lately, if I walk right, I sit right, I even breathe correctly, and that's making me anxhious.
I'm way too self concious of everything, because I'm aware I am not normal, I dont feel I fit and I have traumas over that.
Maybe trying to fix my behavior is linked to the anxhiety to fit in. There are things I should do, things I do wrong, those it's good that I want to change, the problem is I get obsessed with it, and it hurts me.
Even with friends, I have been lately trying to open up again, I had a rough year. It made me close again, wondering wether I'm making them uncomfortable by being mean.
If I do a joke, the stare, it just, even if I made it to make them laugh some gestures make me feel I maybe made them uncomfortable, sometimes just the way I'm I feel it collides with those arround me.
But some of it, I'm not sure if it's something I should really change.
Sometimes I am genuine, but I feel like my words are cold. like I dont have an opinion.
That makes me question if I'm being genuine at times.
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butternuts2678
I've had my 5 years of friendship, and 4 years of a relationship with my best friend ended just a few weeks ago. It really did hurt because for the year, our connection was severing due to personal conflicts. I really wanted to fix it because we really were there for each other through so many worst times. But I guess I came off as really overbearing since I was doing my best to try and fix everything. In the end, though, he left. Even his goodbye was full of mixed feelings and irony.
It was the worst since before that he called me a fake friend who only wanted something from him, while I only told him that we felt like strangers because of our connection slowly dimming. It hurts because I stood with him during times when he couldn't even muster up the strength to be confident or to live himself. And I just felt like I was giving my all while receiving less.
I know it sounds like I have a give and take mindset, but when you've been that friend who stood through storms for your loved one, it wears and becomes tiring. My best friend told me before that people aren't obligated to do anything for their friends, and I understand that. But it feels like him spending time and wanting to reignite the spark with me is just a chore.
I get that he wants to focus on himself, and I want to help, but he kept on distancing himself from me, which frustrated me.
For now, I'm still trying to heal. I just hope he realises that he had someone who willingly went out of their way to support him, and then he let go of them just because.
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I've had my 5 years of friendship, and 4 years of a relationship with my best friend ended just a few weeks ago. It really did hurt because for the year, our connection was severing due to personal conflicts. I really wanted to fix it because we really were there for each other through so many worst times. But I guess I came off as really overbearing since I was doing my best to try and fix everything. In the end, though, he left. Even his goodbye was full of mixed feelings and irony.
It was the worst since before that he called me a fake friend who only wanted something from him, while I only told him that we felt like strangers because of our connection slowly dimming. It hurts because I stood with him during times when he couldn't even muster up the strength to be confident or to live himself. And I just felt like I was giving my all while receiving less.
I know it sounds like I have a give and take mindset, but when you've been that friend who stood through storms for your loved one, it wears and becomes tiring. My best friend told me before that people aren't obligated to do anything for their friends, and I understand that. But it feels like him spending time and wanting to reignite the spark with me is just a chore.
I get that he wants to focus on himself, and I want to help, but he kept on distancing himself from me, which frustrated me.
For now, I'm still trying to heal. I just hope he realises that he had someone who willingly went out of their way to support him, and then he let go of them just because.
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xdayfell4274
repost bc this comment makes more sense here
hey psych2go, been watching your content for awhile and i really need help with whats going on rn. I have a friend who i was pretty cool with online and we eventually became good friends and started playing together and chatting in online games. However lately, i feel envious of them, context they have alot of mental problems and always run to me for help (i think its fine though since its not as serious as it was and hes healing. But whenever they do something good in a game or play games, i feel envious and i feel like i need to be better then them and i feel just really weak whenever they succeed and i dont. I have been trying to fix this problem by trying to be more positive and not let these negative emotions sink in but its really hard for me to be around them with my current view on them. We had some up and downs but i do wanna keep this friendship going but i dont know how do i fix my hatred or envy towards him, any advice would help!
so am i a real friend and how do i become one maybe
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repost bc this comment makes more sense here
hey psych2go, been watching your content for awhile and i really need help with whats going on rn. I have a friend who i was pretty cool with online and we eventually became good friends and started playing together and chatting in online games. However lately, i feel envious of them, context they have alot of mental problems and always run to me for help (i think its fine though since its not as serious as it was and hes healing. But whenever they do something good in a game or play games, i feel envious and i feel like i need to be better then them and i feel just really weak whenever they succeed and i dont. I have been trying to fix this problem by trying to be more positive and not let these negative emotions sink in but its really hard for me to be around them with my current view on them. We had some up and downs but i do wanna keep this friendship going but i dont know how do i fix my hatred or envy towards him, any advice would help!
so am i a real friend and how do i become one maybe
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GDarkSlayer
Well i had a true friend 3 monts ago before that we rally talked to eache other. Problems, friends, hard ship and intrest, hobbis learning evarything. But after the 3 months i realysed that i was the only one who invested time in this friend ship. It was sad too beacase i geanuantly bealived that nothing is wrong. But i guas i was farr off. He never realy growe up evan tho we are both adults. I had a hard time befirending new people beafore so this hit a deep point in me at the time. Questioning myself over and over again and again: What did i do wron What is the real reson Whas this all beacase of my jokes Did i not show enaughe suport I want to talk it oute withe him. But i was left withe my thots allone for a month. I think it thrue than a masege: you can write youre Questions if you want i didn't bother if a month needid to him to anwser i don't need his reasons anymore. I m doing better still no friend but i m fine and working both on myself and literly.
(The friendship started 4 years ago for none misunderstanding)
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Well i had a true friend 3 monts ago before that we rally talked to eache other. Problems, friends, hard ship and intrest, hobbis learning evarything. But after the 3 months i realysed that i was the only one who invested time in this friend ship. It was sad too beacase i geanuantly bealived that nothing is wrong. But i guas i was farr off. He never realy growe up evan tho we are both adults. I had a hard time befirending new people beafore so this hit a deep point in me at the time. Questioning myself over and over again and again: What did i do wron What is the real reson Whas this all beacase of my jokes Did i not show enaughe suport I want to talk it oute withe him. But i was left withe my thots allone for a month. I think it thrue than a masege: you can write youre Questions if you want i didn't bother if a month needid to him to anwser i don't need his reasons anymore. I m doing better still no friend but i m fine and working both on myself and literly.
(The friendship started 4 years ago for none misunderstanding)
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psych2go
It honestly sucks having to keep up a smile around those who I know don't really care about me. This applies to social events where I'm excluded in basically every way, family gatherings because my family only sees me as a success story, and the few job interviews I get that I know will go nowhere. When I think about how many people I really have in my corner, it fills me with a sad peace. Most people I've interacted with have been fake or fleeting, but there have been a few people who have genuinely stuck by me. At the end of the day, that's all I really need. Those people see the real me and are fine with me that way. Having to spend 98 percent of my time all by myself is weighty and difficult, but I added to it by putting effort into people who never really cared about me to begin with or just stopped caring about me. I've made good progress with that, but I can't get rid of my family members that easily. Oh well, all I can do is continue improving myself and focus on the relationships that actually have meaning.
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It honestly sucks having to keep up a smile around those who I know don't really care about me. This applies to social events where I'm excluded in basically every way, family gatherings because my family only sees me as a success story, and the few job interviews I get that I know will go nowhere. When I think about how many people I really have in my corner, it fills me with a sad peace. Most people I've interacted with have been fake or fleeting, but there have been a few people who have genuinely stuck by me. At the end of the day, that's all I really need. Those people see the real me and are fine with me that way. Having to spend 98 percent of my time all by myself is weighty and difficult, but I added to it by putting effort into people who never really cared about me to begin with or just stopped caring about me. I've made good progress with that, but I can't get rid of my family members that easily. Oh well, all I can do is continue improving myself and focus on the relationships that actually have meaning.
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psych2go
I think I found someone who is a true friend but still to early to tell. I cut all toxic people in my life but for me it's hard to open up. I finally have good things going for me after my life was spiraling out of control for 5 years straight. Turns out my last job I found out people sabatoged my younger sister mom and myself to the point my sister and I left and mom is going to put her 2 weeks today. Not sure if it was racism because I live in Hazard KY and the school district has 3 Puerto Ricans there (which was us) now none. We did above and beyond our job but when we got burnt out we got in trouble for it and the manager who does nothing but finds a place to hide gets away with everything. I am glad that chapter in our lives is done with and we can focus on the future. The new job that I could see my nieces at their school and my sister in law is excited for me and mom
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I think I found someone who is a true friend but still to early to tell. I cut all toxic people in my life but for me it's hard to open up. I finally have good things going for me after my life was spiraling out of control for 5 years straight. Turns out my last job I found out people sabatoged my younger sister mom and myself to the point my sister and I left and mom is going to put her 2 weeks today. Not sure if it was racism because I live in Hazard KY and the school district has 3 Puerto Ricans there (which was us) now none. We did above and beyond our job but when we got burnt out we got in trouble for it and the manager who does nothing but finds a place to hide gets away with everything. I am glad that chapter in our lives is done with and we can focus on the future. The new job that I could see my nieces at their school and my sister in law is excited for me and mom
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ImNotKnown_512
I truly appreciate these videos and you guy's work/talks. It helps me realize that some of my decisions I made despite being lost in direction, were actually more beneficial for me in the long run. Basically confirming that was more-or-less on the right path for myself, even though at the moment those same decisions were the hardest choices to make in the moment. On the topic, I've lost a lot of good friends but the ones who stuck by me or reached out to me to continue our friendship were the ones whom I've deemed as close friends. Ones I can see eye to eye with and that they also see through my hurt demeanor. I just hope they learn enough from me that they never become the person I once was or still am in some ways. To be truly lost is to also lose yourself completely. Something I've personally experienced and never wish that on any of my friends
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I truly appreciate these videos and you guy's work/talks. It helps me realize that some of my decisions I made despite being lost in direction, were actually more beneficial for me in the long run. Basically confirming that was more-or-less on the right path for myself, even though at the moment those same decisions were the hardest choices to make in the moment. On the topic, I've lost a lot of good friends but the ones who stuck by me or reached out to me to continue our friendship were the ones whom I've deemed as close friends. Ones I can see eye to eye with and that they also see through my hurt demeanor. I just hope they learn enough from me that they never become the person I once was or still am in some ways. To be truly lost is to also lose yourself completely. Something I've personally experienced and never wish that on any of my friends
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sewen1237
5: 50 here this quote to help you understand mesome truths are hard to accept but they remain the truth thank you for this video. I do have toxic friends and I’m trying to get through it. This video will help a lot. And also can you make a video about how to help a friend that’s struggling with his friends I saw one of my classmates. He genuinely cares about me but his friend just manipulated him and pressured him to block me and even invaded his privacy. Stay hydrated and also just from a place of love. Sometimes just give them the benefit of the doubt. Because not everyone wants to hurt you. If they made one mistake and apologize for it then it’s okay. Just give people chance to be comfortable with you. Hope this helps you out and stay hydrated
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5: 50 here this quote to help you understand mesome truths are hard to accept but they remain the truth thank you for this video. I do have toxic friends and I’m trying to get through it. This video will help a lot. And also can you make a video about how to help a friend that’s struggling with his friends I saw one of my classmates. He genuinely cares about me but his friend just manipulated him and pressured him to block me and even invaded his privacy. Stay hydrated and also just from a place of love. Sometimes just give them the benefit of the doubt. Because not everyone wants to hurt you. If they made one mistake and apologize for it then it’s okay. Just give people chance to be comfortable with you. Hope this helps you out and stay hydrated
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AiryFake
If they stay even if you feel like the most underwhelming human on Earth, you know they are real. Because that’s how you see they care about who you are on the inside, not just what you say or appear to be, or try to appear, on the outside. My older brother was always being friends with cool superficial people who were putting on facades - and it took me hell of a nerve and healing to realise I don’t have to look and act like Tyler Durden to be a good friend. And that a friendship where mutual care is the main foundation can be real, and that I deserve it. I am still fighting some echoes of the past, but I am mostly recovered. I hope I described what real’ means well enough.
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If they stay even if you feel like the most underwhelming human on Earth, you know they are real. Because that’s how you see they care about who you are on the inside, not just what you say or appear to be, or try to appear, on the outside. My older brother was always being friends with cool superficial people who were putting on facades - and it took me hell of a nerve and healing to realise I don’t have to look and act like Tyler Durden to be a good friend. And that a friendship where mutual care is the main foundation can be real, and that I deserve it. I am still fighting some echoes of the past, but I am mostly recovered. I hope I described what real’ means well enough.
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Murderducky4u
It's funny because my dad thinks my bad relationships have to do with influencing me to believe I'm transgender (which makes like, no since at all. But in reality it has to do with feeling like I can't speak up around my friends without being judged and my opinion being invalidated. More on the transgender thing; it's really weird because my dad also thinks transitioning is for popularity in the LGBTQ community, he says that the reason I think I'm trans is because it's new, popular, and people I'm friends with are influencing me (while what they actually are doing is making me feel good about my identity and being supportive. (I'm so sorry about this rant lol)
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It's funny because my dad thinks my bad relationships have to do with influencing me to believe I'm transgender (which makes like, no since at all. But in reality it has to do with feeling like I can't speak up around my friends without being judged and my opinion being invalidated. More on the transgender thing; it's really weird because my dad also thinks transitioning is for popularity in the LGBTQ community, he says that the reason I think I'm trans is because it's new, popular, and people I'm friends with are influencing me (while what they actually are doing is making me feel good about my identity and being supportive. (I'm so sorry about this rant lol)
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aceofaces0007
Invest time and effort
I feel like something that should’ve been addressed on this point is that if you make plans, make a conscious effort to keep them. As much as self-care has been normalized, it’s also been over-done to the point where people use self-care as an excuse to abruptly cancel plans, even though being among friends is REAL self care and not coddling yourself in isolation. If people genuinely feel unwell day of, that’s one thing, but some people will cancel when the slightest thing feels off. It gets to the point where it feels like you need to have the stars aligned just to be with friends if they abruptly cancel and bail on plans.
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Invest time and effort
I feel like something that should’ve been addressed on this point is that if you make plans, make a conscious effort to keep them. As much as self-care has been normalized, it’s also been over-done to the point where people use self-care as an excuse to abruptly cancel plans, even though being among friends is REAL self care and not coddling yourself in isolation. If people genuinely feel unwell day of, that’s one thing, but some people will cancel when the slightest thing feels off. It gets to the point where it feels like you need to have the stars aligned just to be with friends if they abruptly cancel and bail on plans.
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snouthlly1479
Sorry for going off topic, but
I lie in stressful situations. My gf has a low self esteem and she likes reading through my messages for reassurance, but recently she found something from a few years ago when me and my friend were saying things like man she’s attractive etc. After that she couldn’t stop thinking about it and asked about it every other day, but the type of questions she asked really stressed me out and when I try to explain myself for doing something or not doing something and I start lying and making up excuses.
I’m desperate and want to stop lying. Do you think I could restore the trust I shattered
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Sorry for going off topic, but
I lie in stressful situations. My gf has a low self esteem and she likes reading through my messages for reassurance, but recently she found something from a few years ago when me and my friend were saying things like man she’s attractive etc. After that she couldn’t stop thinking about it and asked about it every other day, but the type of questions she asked really stressed me out and when I try to explain myself for doing something or not doing something and I start lying and making up excuses.
I’m desperate and want to stop lying. Do you think I could restore the trust I shattered
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annebird9195
The hard one is when people used to be real friends for years and then they start slipping into being waists of your time. All my old gang wants is to get drunk and have cheap thrills. Only me, my best friend and my sister have any plans for marage, family, owning a real house or achieving things in life. The rest of the old gang just wants instant happiness with no work ethic. We 3 are getting tired of their friendship turning shallow where it used to be so deep. Hard to cut ties though cause my best friend is roomates with them and was before they changed and started drinking.
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The hard one is when people used to be real friends for years and then they start slipping into being waists of your time. All my old gang wants is to get drunk and have cheap thrills. Only me, my best friend and my sister have any plans for marage, family, owning a real house or achieving things in life. The rest of the old gang just wants instant happiness with no work ethic. We 3 are getting tired of their friendship turning shallow where it used to be so deep. Hard to cut ties though cause my best friend is roomates with them and was before they changed and started drinking.
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OnePaperThunder
i lost all my friends when i turned 13 beacouse my old friends changed and they found new friends. i don't think that they know or they even remember the nights we spent playing minecraft togheter, but now i have a lot of trust issues, i became introverted and shy. but i worked on myself and now i am 15 and i am cool with staying alone, waiting for the real friends that like the things i like like fishing. thanks so much in the years you helped me a lot to recognise good and bad things. i wish you and your team the best! keep going you are helping a lot of people!
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i lost all my friends when i turned 13 beacouse my old friends changed and they found new friends. i don't think that they know or they even remember the nights we spent playing minecraft togheter, but now i have a lot of trust issues, i became introverted and shy. but i worked on myself and now i am 15 and i am cool with staying alone, waiting for the real friends that like the things i like like fishing. thanks so much in the years you helped me a lot to recognise good and bad things. i wish you and your team the best! keep going you are helping a lot of people!
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giderahwolf
Thank You Psych2Go for this educational video. I wish someone had adviced me on this topic way earlier, before I was dragged into a police investigation thanks to a so-called online friend. I am autistic and have general anxiety disorder, and believing the person I chatted with was a friend, when I felt I am not feeling well around them, I followed the communication is the key advice I keep seeing on the internet and this is where it currently led me lol. If I knew before there are friends and friends, I would have left them without remorse.
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Thank You Psych2Go for this educational video. I wish someone had adviced me on this topic way earlier, before I was dragged into a police investigation thanks to a so-called online friend. I am autistic and have general anxiety disorder, and believing the person I chatted with was a friend, when I felt I am not feeling well around them, I followed the communication is the key advice I keep seeing on the internet and this is where it currently led me lol. If I knew before there are friends and friends, I would have left them without remorse.
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SpiffYT
I swear you guys literally post the right videos at the right time. Yesterday I didn’t go to a picnic that was for this youth group I’m in. My friends were going, but I didn’t rlly feel like going. I chose to go to work and mentioned going shopping after I finished work like we were planning, but later got messages from them saying I shouldn’t go if I wasn’t at the picnic. Then a little while later one of them simply said I wasn’t going because they had a change of plans which I assume is because I didn’t go to a. picnic.
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I swear you guys literally post the right videos at the right time. Yesterday I didn’t go to a picnic that was for this youth group I’m in. My friends were going, but I didn’t rlly feel like going. I chose to go to work and mentioned going shopping after I finished work like we were planning, but later got messages from them saying I shouldn’t go if I wasn’t at the picnic. Then a little while later one of them simply said I wasn’t going because they had a change of plans which I assume is because I didn’t go to a. picnic.
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darkworlddenizen
I spend alot of time messaging friends only to be left on read. 80% of messages i sent get ignored. Yet i reply to nearly 100% of the texts i get. I dont like being ignored so i treat people how id want them to treat me. And maybe that is my problem, i give too much to appease others while no one ever attemps to appease me in any way. But i dont know what to do about it. Ditch all my friends entirely or continue feeling like a work email everyone put off on replying to until they get annoyed with it.
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I spend alot of time messaging friends only to be left on read. 80% of messages i sent get ignored. Yet i reply to nearly 100% of the texts i get. I dont like being ignored so i treat people how id want them to treat me. And maybe that is my problem, i give too much to appease others while no one ever attemps to appease me in any way. But i dont know what to do about it. Ditch all my friends entirely or continue feeling like a work email everyone put off on replying to until they get annoyed with it.
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psych2go
Good day, greetings from the Philippines.
I remember one time from a podcast from Typical Pinoy Crap (TPC for short) that it's better not to have friends because we have s ones; those who are bringing you down and make some s since they're miserable in order to stand out from others. Another thing told by TPC that we should have a better mindset when it comes to s people, for there are times that s people are s people for their lives are miserable and just hangout with you for friendship.
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Good day, greetings from the Philippines.
I remember one time from a podcast from Typical Pinoy Crap (TPC for short) that it's better not to have friends because we have s ones; those who are bringing you down and make some s since they're miserable in order to stand out from others. Another thing told by TPC that we should have a better mindset when it comes to s people, for there are times that s people are s people for their lives are miserable and just hangout with you for friendship.
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psych2go
I have 3 best friends. One who i interact on a regular basis for 45 years. We have shared highs and lows. Bad marriage s. And so on. We have had periods where we didn't talk but knew when the going got tough we could count on each other.
One in Australia who i talk to daily in someway. Shes a great listener. And i reciprocate.
The other in N. Z. He helps me make sense of things when im so crazy no one else can stand me. And we have so much in common.
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I have 3 best friends. One who i interact on a regular basis for 45 years. We have shared highs and lows. Bad marriage s. And so on. We have had periods where we didn't talk but knew when the going got tough we could count on each other.
One in Australia who i talk to daily in someway. Shes a great listener. And i reciprocate.
The other in N. Z. He helps me make sense of things when im so crazy no one else can stand me. And we have so much in common.
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darealjohnsmith
I had one friend who would only hang out with me if I paid him $5 for gas. When I asked him for a ride ONE TIME, he said I'm not a taxi. Another time, he invited me to a party. I was standing by the side of the road for like 20mins. Texted him, he'd went without me. At the end of that friendship, he asked how it was going. I said I'd been pretty into anime lately. never heard from him again.
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I had one friend who would only hang out with me if I paid him $5 for gas. When I asked him for a ride ONE TIME, he said I'm not a taxi. Another time, he invited me to a party. I was standing by the side of the road for like 20mins. Texted him, he'd went without me. At the end of that friendship, he asked how it was going. I said I'd been pretty into anime lately. never heard from him again.
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