4 Signs You're Abandoning Yourself Without Realizing It
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Superman
One of my best friends lied to me (and to one of my best girl friends about me) about a month and a half ago. Hes never even met her, but I think they talk all the time now on social media. Im usually able to open up a conversation; in fact, I never mind confronting friends when I know theres a problem. But I dont think Im able to trust him anymore. And she hasnt reached out or anything since she threatened to block me, even though all I wanted to do the last time I talked to her was peacefully clear the air.
How can you trust a liar? And how can you get someone to apologize when they probably see themself as a victim who didnt do anything wrong? I guess the answer to both these questions is you cant. Which makes me VERY sad. These were probably my two favorite people about three months ago. It sucks because part of me knows I cant really trust any of them anymore, and I just need to let them go and move on.
But also the guy has been one of my best friends for like eight years and this girl told me she loved me and I was her favorite person over the course of four months, and that we were going to be close forever.
So I guess I know what I need to do, I just wish it didnt have to hurt so much. I really thought I could trust these two friends more than anything.
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One of my best friends lied to me (and to one of my best girl friends about me) about a month and a half ago. Hes never even met her, but I think they talk all the time now on social media. Im usually able to open up a conversation; in fact, I never mind confronting friends when I know theres a problem. But I dont think Im able to trust him anymore. And she hasnt reached out or anything since she threatened to block me, even though all I wanted to do the last time I talked to her was peacefully clear the air.
How can you trust a liar? And how can you get someone to apologize when they probably see themself as a victim who didnt do anything wrong? I guess the answer to both these questions is you cant. Which makes me VERY sad. These were probably my two favorite people about three months ago. It sucks because part of me knows I cant really trust any of them anymore, and I just need to let them go and move on.
But also the guy has been one of my best friends for like eight years and this girl told me she loved me and I was her favorite person over the course of four months, and that we were going to be close forever.
So I guess I know what I need to do, I just wish it didnt have to hurt so much. I really thought I could trust these two friends more than anything.
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Mx.
Damn, I really relate to this, especially since I'm a musician. Since I'm in marching band, there's sometimes a lot of pressure on me to do my part right, especially since I'm in pit, and I support the music, and if I don't do it right, the music sounds flat. But I try to improve on myself by reminding myself of my first season of marching band, and we were well into the competition season. In one particular competition, my piano was unplugged for 2/3rds of the show until I realized it, plugged it in, and perfectly got back into the music with sound. I was practically shaking and crying and trying not to show it as I got off the field, but you know what my band got in that competition? Second place. It was okay that I made a mistake, because I learned from it and solved the problem while the show was going on. I totally underestimated myself, and it was a total confidence booster.
So I think I'm going to improve on myself a little more.
Sorry about the rant, lol.
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Damn, I really relate to this, especially since I'm a musician. Since I'm in marching band, there's sometimes a lot of pressure on me to do my part right, especially since I'm in pit, and I support the music, and if I don't do it right, the music sounds flat. But I try to improve on myself by reminding myself of my first season of marching band, and we were well into the competition season. In one particular competition, my piano was unplugged for 2/3rds of the show until I realized it, plugged it in, and perfectly got back into the music with sound. I was practically shaking and crying and trying not to show it as I got off the field, but you know what my band got in that competition? Second place. It was okay that I made a mistake, because I learned from it and solved the problem while the show was going on. I totally underestimated myself, and it was a total confidence booster.
So I think I'm going to improve on myself a little more.
Sorry about the rant, lol.
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Jiminamon
Alright, so my boyfriend has been telling me for the past 3 months how he is worried about me, we dont live together so i dont always see him but he always is there to hear how i am doing. And he keeps telling me i need to stop valuing myself based on others opinions, and this video finally got it through my head. I texted him I watched this and he was so happy for me that I have finally come to acknowledging how I deserve to be cared for by him and more importantly myself since he isnt able to always be physically there for me. I always feared he would not love me once he got to know the real me, and he said not to worry about that even if it were true, but its not and he constantly tells me this, almost every day. So thank you Physch2Go for helping me take a first step in to taking care of myself by really recognizing all the signs now. I hope to feel better because I have abandoned myself for so long now and will begin my journey of self care: )
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Alright, so my boyfriend has been telling me for the past 3 months how he is worried about me, we dont live together so i dont always see him but he always is there to hear how i am doing. And he keeps telling me i need to stop valuing myself based on others opinions, and this video finally got it through my head. I texted him I watched this and he was so happy for me that I have finally come to acknowledging how I deserve to be cared for by him and more importantly myself since he isnt able to always be physically there for me. I always feared he would not love me once he got to know the real me, and he said not to worry about that even if it were true, but its not and he constantly tells me this, almost every day. So thank you Physch2Go for helping me take a first step in to taking care of myself by really recognizing all the signs now. I hope to feel better because I have abandoned myself for so long now and will begin my journey of self care: )
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V. J.
Setting boundaries? Um that's a problem. As an autistic person my experience is that every time I try to set boundaries I am told that I am misreading the situation, I need to grow a thicker skin, that the other person isn't (whatever I thought their reaction meant) I am over reacting, that I am exaggerating the situation, creating mountains out of molehills, that I should stop being so anti social, that I'll never make any friends if I keep pushing people away, that I am not being a productive member of society, that I'm failing to fulfil my potential, that I'll never grow if I stick to my comfort zone and so on and so forth. Can someone please explain to me why it is perfectly fine for neurotypical people to set boundaries and insist on time out but it is 'using your autism as an excuse' if we autistics do it?
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Setting boundaries? Um that's a problem. As an autistic person my experience is that every time I try to set boundaries I am told that I am misreading the situation, I need to grow a thicker skin, that the other person isn't (whatever I thought their reaction meant) I am over reacting, that I am exaggerating the situation, creating mountains out of molehills, that I should stop being so anti social, that I'll never make any friends if I keep pushing people away, that I am not being a productive member of society, that I'm failing to fulfil my potential, that I'll never grow if I stick to my comfort zone and so on and so forth. Can someone please explain to me why it is perfectly fine for neurotypical people to set boundaries and insist on time out but it is 'using your autism as an excuse' if we autistics do it?
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ErrorXD
i just feel so hopeless these days because my irl friends are all toxic to me and is racist and my other online friend has changed a lot ever since we added each other and on top of all of this i just feel like everyone is annoyed by me and nobody cares to support me anymore.
i cant even remember the last time i felt joy from something, i wish to spend all day in bed but i cant because i have to get up and go to school.
i always sit alone in school and i find it nice, as im there drowning in my own thoughts.
its so hard to have the motivation to do anything anymore so i might just end it myself; its so draining with other people faking mental illnesses to get attention and sympathy. so i might as well just end it myself its not like anybody would give a shit anyway
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i just feel so hopeless these days because my irl friends are all toxic to me and is racist and my other online friend has changed a lot ever since we added each other and on top of all of this i just feel like everyone is annoyed by me and nobody cares to support me anymore.
i cant even remember the last time i felt joy from something, i wish to spend all day in bed but i cant because i have to get up and go to school.
i always sit alone in school and i find it nice, as im there drowning in my own thoughts.
its so hard to have the motivation to do anything anymore so i might just end it myself; its so draining with other people faking mental illnesses to get attention and sympathy. so i might as well just end it myself its not like anybody would give a shit anyway
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Jackiedude
Wish these videos didn't show up in my recommended. To tell me how shit I feel about my self and realization of how unable I am to change it due to being incredibly insecure. Self proclaimed social reject as I'm horrible in any social gathering, uninteresting as I have nothing to talk about and have zero experience in anything.
Muscle atrophy skeleton, not being able to lift heavier stuff I was able to before, because I don't leave my room or go outside, other than cutting down the backyard from becoming a jungle, before it takes over the house.
Well. Something this video has achieved with me is venting these annoying thoughts onto the comment section. Though, I can't say it helped.
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Wish these videos didn't show up in my recommended. To tell me how shit I feel about my self and realization of how unable I am to change it due to being incredibly insecure. Self proclaimed social reject as I'm horrible in any social gathering, uninteresting as I have nothing to talk about and have zero experience in anything.
Muscle atrophy skeleton, not being able to lift heavier stuff I was able to before, because I don't leave my room or go outside, other than cutting down the backyard from becoming a jungle, before it takes over the house.
Well. Something this video has achieved with me is venting these annoying thoughts onto the comment section. Though, I can't say it helped.
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Damyan
I've known that I've abandoned myself for years, almost a decade even. I always feel that thinking about my needs and my self improvement is selfish and wrong and I mustn't do it, but help out with others'. I'm not sure if I've even had any goals. motivations or dreams for a solid 2-3 years, only because one friend of me is better at everything than am or will ever be. Can anyone give tips as to how to easily escape this? A side effect is that I've never had the will to escape it just because I've abandoned my needs (even just writing this the word my sends shivers down my spine)
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I've known that I've abandoned myself for years, almost a decade even. I always feel that thinking about my needs and my self improvement is selfish and wrong and I mustn't do it, but help out with others'. I'm not sure if I've even had any goals. motivations or dreams for a solid 2-3 years, only because one friend of me is better at everything than am or will ever be. Can anyone give tips as to how to easily escape this? A side effect is that I've never had the will to escape it just because I've abandoned my needs (even just writing this the word my sends shivers down my spine)
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Lag
The first point always gets tied up for me. I have low self-esteem due to not fitting well into social standards and falling into being a jobless homebody, so while I do draw lines and boundaries and speak of my emotions with friends and family, I keep coping with my inability to schedule space for employment with the rationale that caring for my father in his elderly years and nephew in a turbulent childhood are valid and valuable uses of my time. I'm never sure if I'm acknowledging the good I contribute or gaslighting myself.
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The first point always gets tied up for me. I have low self-esteem due to not fitting well into social standards and falling into being a jobless homebody, so while I do draw lines and boundaries and speak of my emotions with friends and family, I keep coping with my inability to schedule space for employment with the rationale that caring for my father in his elderly years and nephew in a turbulent childhood are valid and valuable uses of my time. I'm never sure if I'm acknowledging the good I contribute or gaslighting myself.
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Yori
I realized for myself that, when I'm in a relationship, I tend to abandon myself due to fear my partner will leave me.
When I'm single, like right now, I never do this.
I know for my next relationship, I have to stop be partner-pleasing. I excel at putting myself first in everything when it's just me. So, I should technically be capable of doing so while in a relationship. Yet there's the fear of abandonment that keeps looming in my conciousness so I don't. BUT I WILL IN FUTURE!
Thanks for making me realize.
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I realized for myself that, when I'm in a relationship, I tend to abandon myself due to fear my partner will leave me.
When I'm single, like right now, I never do this.
I know for my next relationship, I have to stop be partner-pleasing. I excel at putting myself first in everything when it's just me. So, I should technically be capable of doing so while in a relationship. Yet there's the fear of abandonment that keeps looming in my conciousness so I don't. BUT I WILL IN FUTURE!
Thanks for making me realize.
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Dustin
I just can't even tell how related to the problem this all is anymore
1- i just hate kids now
2- assume that I shouldn't ask others for help because they probably just want something out of doing so.
3- just believe by now that im not actually depressed like i think i am and the only way to ignore the problem is listening to music for as long as I can
4- asking for help from anyone else is just weakness, doesn't help that I already have to hold onto walls to walk and use a cane or walker.
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I just can't even tell how related to the problem this all is anymore
1- i just hate kids now
2- assume that I shouldn't ask others for help because they probably just want something out of doing so.
3- just believe by now that im not actually depressed like i think i am and the only way to ignore the problem is listening to music for as long as I can
4- asking for help from anyone else is just weakness, doesn't help that I already have to hold onto walls to walk and use a cane or walker.
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Bartosz
Have been neglecting/abandoning myself ever since I remember. Well, safe to say this has built up to me feeling empty. Every time anyone tells me I need to take care of myself and speak my mind feels weird, as if I am about to commit the most heinous crime ever. It's very difficult to me to do that. I simply can't. But that's okay. Also, things like having potential or knowing self-worth sound very alien to me. I have absolutely no idea what those mean, what those are and how to understand that.
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Have been neglecting/abandoning myself ever since I remember. Well, safe to say this has built up to me feeling empty. Every time anyone tells me I need to take care of myself and speak my mind feels weird, as if I am about to commit the most heinous crime ever. It's very difficult to me to do that. I simply can't. But that's okay. Also, things like having potential or knowing self-worth sound very alien to me. I have absolutely no idea what those mean, what those are and how to understand that.
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Krasnoiark
I fall again in all those categories. The fact is I can't figure out what my values truly are even after therapy and more. I feel like saying no is hard since most times I feel like if I do I'll be missing out on stuff while I'll be stuck alone. So hard to deal with self care / loving myself, I can't figure out what to do. I do things that give me pleasure, I try to meditate, to find the good in me but I always fall backwards. I feel what I do is pointless, just momentarily joy. It's hard.
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I fall again in all those categories. The fact is I can't figure out what my values truly are even after therapy and more. I feel like saying no is hard since most times I feel like if I do I'll be missing out on stuff while I'll be stuck alone. So hard to deal with self care / loving myself, I can't figure out what to do. I do things that give me pleasure, I try to meditate, to find the good in me but I always fall backwards. I feel what I do is pointless, just momentarily joy. It's hard.
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James
Unfortunately I have people who depend on me greatly, which means I HAVE to put them first. And I gave up on self care over a decade ago. if it doesn't matter to anyone else, then it doesn't matter to me either anymore.
Besides, better to go down doing something worthwhile at this point. since self care isn't really possible anymore, and only causes me to feel like I've been selfish anyhow. This honestly makes me hate myself more, than just giving up self care entirely.
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Unfortunately I have people who depend on me greatly, which means I HAVE to put them first. And I gave up on self care over a decade ago. if it doesn't matter to anyone else, then it doesn't matter to me either anymore.
Besides, better to go down doing something worthwhile at this point. since self care isn't really possible anymore, and only causes me to feel like I've been selfish anyhow. This honestly makes me hate myself more, than just giving up self care entirely.
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education
I just talked to my mother today and she told me some stuff that happened when I was still a kid. Turns out I'm a people pleaser since a really young age. She said I was about 2 or 3 years old and while other parents told their kids not to steal toys from others, my mother told me to take my toys for myself as well sometimes since I would always give them away to the other kids although I wasn't happy about it. And now, many years later, I'm still the exact same person.
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I just talked to my mother today and she told me some stuff that happened when I was still a kid. Turns out I'm a people pleaser since a really young age. She said I was about 2 or 3 years old and while other parents told their kids not to steal toys from others, my mother told me to take my toys for myself as well sometimes since I would always give them away to the other kids although I wasn't happy about it. And now, many years later, I'm still the exact same person.
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druidwulf
I was raised from an early age, to think of others ahead of myself, & now years later i still have the same mindset. Even though my boss expects/demands I take a lunch break, as I only eat once a week I refuse, due to the fact I'm a medical transportation driver, it's guaranteed that extremely last second passengers get added to my schedule, so, I DON'T eat. Even though everyone says i have to eat to survive i don't, as in my opinion, eating is overrated
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I was raised from an early age, to think of others ahead of myself, & now years later i still have the same mindset. Even though my boss expects/demands I take a lunch break, as I only eat once a week I refuse, due to the fact I'm a medical transportation driver, it's guaranteed that extremely last second passengers get added to my schedule, so, I DON'T eat. Even though everyone says i have to eat to survive i don't, as in my opinion, eating is overrated
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Edge
I can't even tell my emotions bc they're burried too deep in my subconcious
I can very much relate to this bc I've been told to always think of others while nobody told me to think of myself as well, which is even more the case for men than it is for women (social expectations and shit)
And I've learned that setting boundaries is pointless bc ppl will cross them anyway
They always find excuses why their wish is more important than my boundaries
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I can't even tell my emotions bc they're burried too deep in my subconcious
I can very much relate to this bc I've been told to always think of others while nobody told me to think of myself as well, which is even more the case for men than it is for women (social expectations and shit)
And I've learned that setting boundaries is pointless bc ppl will cross them anyway
They always find excuses why their wish is more important than my boundaries
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Polie
Thank you Psych2Go and team of course for making this video! Ive been self abandoning myself for about all my life: ( and brought myself into high functioning/smiling depression because of it, so what Im meaning to say is thank you for these video and theyre helping me realize how I can help myself into finding help. Anyone that reads with a mental illness all I can do is say I believe that if you work hard you will get better
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Thank you Psych2Go and team of course for making this video! Ive been self abandoning myself for about all my life: ( and brought myself into high functioning/smiling depression because of it, so what Im meaning to say is thank you for these video and theyre helping me realize how I can help myself into finding help. Anyone that reads with a mental illness all I can do is say I believe that if you work hard you will get better
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rider
Im 29 havent felt good about myself my whole life. the validation others give me has been the morsels that getting me through darkest spots but im off soda trying to quit smoking working out im feeling more confindant my heart is so light now i always though people felt like me but just fake happiness but im so close just have to remain steadfast i know people like the authentic me more importantly i like th real me
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Im 29 havent felt good about myself my whole life. the validation others give me has been the morsels that getting me through darkest spots but im off soda trying to quit smoking working out im feeling more confindant my heart is so light now i always though people felt like me but just fake happiness but im so close just have to remain steadfast i know people like the authentic me more importantly i like th real me
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Ashton
Only in the past couple years have I been alowed to think of myself. I was in a cult for many years where people were praised and rewarded for abandoning themselves, being selfish was 'evil' or 'against god'. I could never have my own dreams or thoughts. Some of you might think this is a fairy tale, but these situations are real and people can get out.
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Only in the past couple years have I been alowed to think of myself. I was in a cult for many years where people were praised and rewarded for abandoning themselves, being selfish was 'evil' or 'against god'. I could never have my own dreams or thoughts. Some of you might think this is a fairy tale, but these situations are real and people can get out.
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Girl
The problem with setting boundaries that I have is, every time I wanted to set a boundary, it wasn't respected. So over time I learned not to set any boundaries, which led to many problems of course. If someone actually respects my boundaries now, it's baffling and surprising for me, but most times I still don't really set boundaries.
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The problem with setting boundaries that I have is, every time I wanted to set a boundary, it wasn't respected. So over time I learned not to set any boundaries, which led to many problems of course. If someone actually respects my boundaries now, it's baffling and surprising for me, but most times I still don't really set boundaries.
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GhANeC
At first i didnt think i could see myself in any or almost any of these points. Almost gave me a a small sense of relief. But then i noticed the video still bothered me. Even after rewatching. So now im thinking that has to mean something. And i probably need to do some hard deep searching and perhaps find some hard realisations
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At first i didnt think i could see myself in any or almost any of these points. Almost gave me a a small sense of relief. But then i noticed the video still bothered me. Even after rewatching. So now im thinking that has to mean something. And i probably need to do some hard deep searching and perhaps find some hard realisations
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Carlos
Another issue with self abandonment, especially when done in favor of others, is that the frustrations build up, and the self deprecation won't hold that back forever.
Self abandoned people are somewhat more likely to build up rage to the point they take extreme and often dire actions when it's finally released.
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Another issue with self abandonment, especially when done in favor of others, is that the frustrations build up, and the self deprecation won't hold that back forever.
Self abandoned people are somewhat more likely to build up rage to the point they take extreme and often dire actions when it's finally released.
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Diamond
Your content to an overthinker make they overthinking than they should but yeah just talk to doctor or therapist and being diagnos is the best way to take action to yourself
As a depressed overthinker myself to the other
U can get better u just need a therapy just take a step foward and u will be better
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Your content to an overthinker make they overthinking than they should but yeah just talk to doctor or therapist and being diagnos is the best way to take action to yourself
As a depressed overthinker myself to the other
U can get better u just need a therapy just take a step foward and u will be better
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Cannon
I greatly like the material and the helpful information of this video, but something about the movement of the images (two-motion back and fourth) is uncomfortable to watch, I'd rather they were static images. It's probably just me that feels this way. Regardless, thanks for another very helpful video.
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I greatly like the material and the helpful information of this video, but something about the movement of the images (two-motion back and fourth) is uncomfortable to watch, I'd rather they were static images. It's probably just me that feels this way. Regardless, thanks for another very helpful video.
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Superman
I think when you learn the difference between selfishness and self-care, thats your first step. I know its hard when youre a naturally a selfless and empathetic person. You dont have to stop being those things. You just need to recognize putting yourself last still means you need to help yourself.
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I think when you learn the difference between selfishness and self-care, thats your first step. I know its hard when youre a naturally a selfless and empathetic person. You dont have to stop being those things. You just need to recognize putting yourself last still means you need to help yourself.
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