7 Comforting Phrases That Are Actually Hurtful
video description
Date: 2023-08-20
Related videos
Comments and reviews: 25
London
I honestly dont even know what to write here. Honestly, I feel kinda weird. But not in a good way. I just feel empty. Like Im walking around with a big hole in my chest. And the holes shape is so weird that nothing can really fill it. Anything you put inside just falls back out. Just knowing that other people live a much worse hell than I do makes me feel like absolute sht. Joy, sadness, anger, etc they all last a couple minutes. After that, nothing. I dont feel anything, unless I have a reason to. I feel like a snail, but its just the shell. No snail inside. The thing is: I know that if I try to talk about it, nobody is gonna give 2 fcks about what Im living. And to be honest, when I tell people how Im feeling, 75% of the time, its all made up. The truth is that I have no idea what Im feeling. Are you happy? Yeah. No. Im not. Thats all I fcking know. People are just gonna tell me that Im just in a bad mood, or compare me to someone else, or even themselves. The thing is that Im the super-opened guy who would help anyone in need, and if you ever need to talk to someone, just tell me. Nothing appears when Im outside with others. But Ive heard these phrases many times. Just walk it off. Yeah, I feel like that sometimes too. Oh come on, it cant be that bad. Im doing my best to hide my true feelings from others, because if I didnt, nobody would recognize me at this point. The only thing that doesnt change is that Im always there to listen, no matter what stuff you are going through. Need a hug? Alright. Someone to express yourself to? Im listening. But I dont feel like I could do that. That wouldnt be me. Ever since I was 3 years old, Im just to scared to annoy people, to be in their way. I dont want to annoy others with my sht. But I dont feel cool or special about this, because Im pretty sure Im not the only one like that.
Thanks if you read this whole message, I know it was long. I just dont know. Thats what scares me. I dont know! I just dont know! I dont even know what I really feel myself! Then again. Its like walking around with a big hole in your chest.
(Really sorry for the waaaay too long message)
reply
I honestly dont even know what to write here. Honestly, I feel kinda weird. But not in a good way. I just feel empty. Like Im walking around with a big hole in my chest. And the holes shape is so weird that nothing can really fill it. Anything you put inside just falls back out. Just knowing that other people live a much worse hell than I do makes me feel like absolute sht. Joy, sadness, anger, etc they all last a couple minutes. After that, nothing. I dont feel anything, unless I have a reason to. I feel like a snail, but its just the shell. No snail inside. The thing is: I know that if I try to talk about it, nobody is gonna give 2 fcks about what Im living. And to be honest, when I tell people how Im feeling, 75% of the time, its all made up. The truth is that I have no idea what Im feeling. Are you happy? Yeah. No. Im not. Thats all I fcking know. People are just gonna tell me that Im just in a bad mood, or compare me to someone else, or even themselves. The thing is that Im the super-opened guy who would help anyone in need, and if you ever need to talk to someone, just tell me. Nothing appears when Im outside with others. But Ive heard these phrases many times. Just walk it off. Yeah, I feel like that sometimes too. Oh come on, it cant be that bad. Im doing my best to hide my true feelings from others, because if I didnt, nobody would recognize me at this point. The only thing that doesnt change is that Im always there to listen, no matter what stuff you are going through. Need a hug? Alright. Someone to express yourself to? Im listening. But I dont feel like I could do that. That wouldnt be me. Ever since I was 3 years old, Im just to scared to annoy people, to be in their way. I dont want to annoy others with my sht. But I dont feel cool or special about this, because Im pretty sure Im not the only one like that.
Thanks if you read this whole message, I know it was long. I just dont know. Thats what scares me. I dont know! I just dont know! I dont even know what I really feel myself! Then again. Its like walking around with a big hole in your chest.
(Really sorry for the waaaay too long message)
reply
PRGME7
So, in regards to the second phrase Ive heard it (not from anybody that I care about thankfully) enough to form the following belief
Problems are objectively measurable in terms that I have not figured out yet. But they can still be put on a sliding scale from nothing to world ending catastrophe. My problems are on the end of the scale closer to nothing. Depression, anxiety, low level traumatic events, etc. there are people struggling with persecution, above that, people being murdered for their beliefs or identity, above that, mass murder, above that, dictatorships that make life a living hell, above that, thousands of people dying from starvation, above that, war, and above that, the destruction of earth via some means leading to total human extinction. My problems are objectively not worth worrying about.
The logical conclusion of this thought process is of course that there is one person on earth who has it worse than every other person and that all the worlds recourses and time should go to improving that persons life.
Thanks to double-think/dialectics I can hold this idea and the idea that the best course of action is to try to help everybody at the same time. My reasoning being that we dont know and cant reliably find out who the worst off person is. Thus, helping everybody as a blanket will have a statistically higher chance of helping that person.
I simply cant believe that human problems are both objective and subjective. That makes no sense as they are opposites. It cannot be logical to say that problems are as valid as each other and at the same time say that there are some problems that are worse than others. Completely opposite ideas like that cant function. In my mind, the lesser a problem is the less valid it is. In my mind experiencing a school that tried to help everybody but ended up enabling a few to ruin everything (real story) is less valid than a school with daily bomb threats which is less valid than an abusive school and so on.
reply
So, in regards to the second phrase Ive heard it (not from anybody that I care about thankfully) enough to form the following belief
Problems are objectively measurable in terms that I have not figured out yet. But they can still be put on a sliding scale from nothing to world ending catastrophe. My problems are on the end of the scale closer to nothing. Depression, anxiety, low level traumatic events, etc. there are people struggling with persecution, above that, people being murdered for their beliefs or identity, above that, mass murder, above that, dictatorships that make life a living hell, above that, thousands of people dying from starvation, above that, war, and above that, the destruction of earth via some means leading to total human extinction. My problems are objectively not worth worrying about.
The logical conclusion of this thought process is of course that there is one person on earth who has it worse than every other person and that all the worlds recourses and time should go to improving that persons life.
Thanks to double-think/dialectics I can hold this idea and the idea that the best course of action is to try to help everybody at the same time. My reasoning being that we dont know and cant reliably find out who the worst off person is. Thus, helping everybody as a blanket will have a statistically higher chance of helping that person.
I simply cant believe that human problems are both objective and subjective. That makes no sense as they are opposites. It cannot be logical to say that problems are as valid as each other and at the same time say that there are some problems that are worse than others. Completely opposite ideas like that cant function. In my mind, the lesser a problem is the less valid it is. In my mind experiencing a school that tried to help everybody but ended up enabling a few to ruin everything (real story) is less valid than a school with daily bomb threats which is less valid than an abusive school and so on.
reply
backrooms
here are my versions of the words in this video.
it's okay, you'll get over it: i know you can get through this problem, you're stronger than you think when you try. and when you can't get through it alone, i'll always be here to help.
there are people that are dying: honestly, there really isn't a better way to say it except for this you're problem and situation is more than valid, even when other's have it worse. it doesn't make you less important
giving advice: if i experienced something similar from what the person is telling me, i usually tell them how i coped and got through it. if it's advice, i don't say you NEED to, I say you CAN do. if i haven't experienced a situation similar to the person's problem, i try to put myself in their shoes and think of solutions that could help.
you know i went through the same thing: as already said, i say that i went through something similar (WITHOUT MAKING IT ABOUT ME. this is a very important point, because YOU should be the one listening in that situation) and that i'll gladly help if needed.
everything happens for a reason: y'know, maybe it happened due to a reason! maybe it's going to help you in the future, maybe it's trying to show you that even when you are at your lowest point right now, that you should be strong, no matter what.
at least you have a job: i say this in the nicest way possible: i think you're grateful that you have a job, right? so continue being the best you can be, don't be afraid to ask for help.
i know what you're going through: i know how it's like to suffer from something like this. and it's hard. i know you can do it, you're stronger than you think you are, and i'll be here through all of it if you need me to be, or only want me to be.
rahhh this hurt my fingers, but i think i got an achievement out of it. i'm happy that i can word these phrases in a better way so that they help a person, rather than hurt them and bring them down. :D
reply
here are my versions of the words in this video.
it's okay, you'll get over it: i know you can get through this problem, you're stronger than you think when you try. and when you can't get through it alone, i'll always be here to help.
there are people that are dying: honestly, there really isn't a better way to say it except for this you're problem and situation is more than valid, even when other's have it worse. it doesn't make you less important
giving advice: if i experienced something similar from what the person is telling me, i usually tell them how i coped and got through it. if it's advice, i don't say you NEED to, I say you CAN do. if i haven't experienced a situation similar to the person's problem, i try to put myself in their shoes and think of solutions that could help.
you know i went through the same thing: as already said, i say that i went through something similar (WITHOUT MAKING IT ABOUT ME. this is a very important point, because YOU should be the one listening in that situation) and that i'll gladly help if needed.
everything happens for a reason: y'know, maybe it happened due to a reason! maybe it's going to help you in the future, maybe it's trying to show you that even when you are at your lowest point right now, that you should be strong, no matter what.
at least you have a job: i say this in the nicest way possible: i think you're grateful that you have a job, right? so continue being the best you can be, don't be afraid to ask for help.
i know what you're going through: i know how it's like to suffer from something like this. and it's hard. i know you can do it, you're stronger than you think you are, and i'll be here through all of it if you need me to be, or only want me to be.
rahhh this hurt my fingers, but i think i got an achievement out of it. i'm happy that i can word these phrases in a better way so that they help a person, rather than hurt them and bring them down. :D
reply
Leola
That's the way it is with people around me they're always saying move on in my ex-husband says to move on but I cannot move on from the hurt that he put me through and everybody else is all you need to move on from him how can I he never gave me an explanation he never apologized he never said he was sorry for what he's done to me 21 years I gave this man and now he wants me to move on and everybody else around him or other people want me to move on I cannot move on not from the hurt that he put me through I can't move on from that I need an explanation and I haven't got one so I cannot move on I never will he was the only man I loved and the only man I would ever be with I feel like this every day and I'm so tired of everybody saying move on I'm so tired of hearing it
reply
That's the way it is with people around me they're always saying move on in my ex-husband says to move on but I cannot move on from the hurt that he put me through and everybody else is all you need to move on from him how can I he never gave me an explanation he never apologized he never said he was sorry for what he's done to me 21 years I gave this man and now he wants me to move on and everybody else around him or other people want me to move on I cannot move on not from the hurt that he put me through I can't move on from that I need an explanation and I haven't got one so I cannot move on I never will he was the only man I loved and the only man I would ever be with I feel like this every day and I'm so tired of everybody saying move on I'm so tired of hearing it
reply
silver2therescue1
I was raised by someone who always tried to solve all my problems and give solutions when all I really wanted was to vent my feelings so I can see how that can be frustrating. I can't help but do this too sometimes. I am reminded of a time when I was told a other people are dying type of line. I'm not really sure what else to do other than give advice and talk about how I relate. That's always been my best form of helping someone out. Recently I had a difficult choice to make and I absolutely didn't want to make this choice and my friends responded by telling me I was having a pissy attitude about it. That just made me feel even worse.
reply
I was raised by someone who always tried to solve all my problems and give solutions when all I really wanted was to vent my feelings so I can see how that can be frustrating. I can't help but do this too sometimes. I am reminded of a time when I was told a other people are dying type of line. I'm not really sure what else to do other than give advice and talk about how I relate. That's always been my best form of helping someone out. Recently I had a difficult choice to make and I absolutely didn't want to make this choice and my friends responded by telling me I was having a pissy attitude about it. That just made me feel even worse.
reply
bo
Timestamps of what u could say:
1) 1: 00 you have the right to feel that way / what you're feeling is valid
2) 1: 40 What can i do to help? /is there something i can do to help?
3) 2: 01 help their motivation change their behavoir (ex: you're doing great) and have their motivation help them decide on what to do themselves
4) just try not to make it abt urself
5) 3: 17 I wish I had the right words to make it make sence but I dont. Nonetheless Im here to listen
6) 3: 41 I dont know what to say but you are very brave for opening up.
7) 4: 15 I could not imagine what you are going through right now.
reply
Timestamps of what u could say:
1) 1: 00 you have the right to feel that way / what you're feeling is valid
2) 1: 40 What can i do to help? /is there something i can do to help?
3) 2: 01 help their motivation change their behavoir (ex: you're doing great) and have their motivation help them decide on what to do themselves
4) just try not to make it abt urself
5) 3: 17 I wish I had the right words to make it make sence but I dont. Nonetheless Im here to listen
6) 3: 41 I dont know what to say but you are very brave for opening up.
7) 4: 15 I could not imagine what you are going through right now.
reply
Alison
There are people starving, those who are homeless, there are people that have gone through and are going through much worse. This is a minor problem, you're overexaggerating it
Things can always get worse. Be thankful that it didn't
There are bigger problems
It already happened and there's nothing you can do to change it
These are similar thoughts to myself whenever I have a bad moment. Weirdly, it helps me see my problems as fixable and that there's hope. Of course, I know that's not how other people would feel if they were told these, so I don't tell these things to other people.
reply
There are people starving, those who are homeless, there are people that have gone through and are going through much worse. This is a minor problem, you're overexaggerating it
Things can always get worse. Be thankful that it didn't
There are bigger problems
It already happened and there's nothing you can do to change it
These are similar thoughts to myself whenever I have a bad moment. Weirdly, it helps me see my problems as fixable and that there's hope. Of course, I know that's not how other people would feel if they were told these, so I don't tell these things to other people.
reply
TheSinkCat
Guys, what theyre saying is feel with someone and understand them as best you can. Dont feel to someone or for someone, feeling with someone and understanding them is the healthiest way to help someone move on. Saying things like your emotions are valid, and I totally get why you could feel this way. And I may never understand what you feel like, but Im willing to listen and to feel with you. Or its okay to bask in your sorrows, and Im here to listen to you and help you heal whenever youre ready. Are some examples of good ways to say that youre there for someone.
reply
Guys, what theyre saying is feel with someone and understand them as best you can. Dont feel to someone or for someone, feeling with someone and understanding them is the healthiest way to help someone move on. Saying things like your emotions are valid, and I totally get why you could feel this way. And I may never understand what you feel like, but Im willing to listen and to feel with you. Or its okay to bask in your sorrows, and Im here to listen to you and help you heal whenever youre ready. Are some examples of good ways to say that youre there for someone.
reply
Dodo
It's really hard for a lot of ppls (including me) to undersand that even if you had really good intentions what you said was not really comforting. When I clicked on the video I thought that there would only be words like you shouldn't feel that way or my feelings are worse than yours but actually most of the things that are said on the video are things that I have said to ppls while having good intentions. The video was really helpfull thanks hopfully I won't make those mistakes in the futur
reply
It's really hard for a lot of ppls (including me) to undersand that even if you had really good intentions what you said was not really comforting. When I clicked on the video I thought that there would only be words like you shouldn't feel that way or my feelings are worse than yours but actually most of the things that are said on the video are things that I have said to ppls while having good intentions. The video was really helpfull thanks hopfully I won't make those mistakes in the futur
reply
honeytea
Ive always been horrible at comforting people. i dont know why its just how i am. But i find one of the best things to say is just that your proud of them. For anything. Im proud of you for trying to be better, im proud of you for still breathing, im proud of you for being strong enough to indulge in me, im proud of you for being who you are, im just proud. Its sort of hard to tell because normally its over text but i csn sort of tell that after they feel just a bit better
reply
Ive always been horrible at comforting people. i dont know why its just how i am. But i find one of the best things to say is just that your proud of them. For anything. Im proud of you for trying to be better, im proud of you for still breathing, im proud of you for being strong enough to indulge in me, im proud of you for being who you are, im just proud. Its sort of hard to tell because normally its over text but i csn sort of tell that after they feel just a bit better
reply
education
The second one reminds me of this scenario -
Me: I'm full
Someone in my non-imediant family: You aren't gonna finish that? There are people starving in Africa, you shouldn't waste food
(Scenario over)
I hate that saying. It's kind of racist, I'm not offended by it too much, as I don't have the huge right to be, but also this is what causes many people to eat unhealthy amounts of food, if you're full, you should just be done with that meal.
reply
The second one reminds me of this scenario -
Me: I'm full
Someone in my non-imediant family: You aren't gonna finish that? There are people starving in Africa, you shouldn't waste food
(Scenario over)
I hate that saying. It's kind of racist, I'm not offended by it too much, as I don't have the huge right to be, but also this is what causes many people to eat unhealthy amounts of food, if you're full, you should just be done with that meal.
reply
Sienna
I actually use the whole well at least I have this phrase on myself when Im going through certain things, and I believe it helps me. I noticed the more I think about the positive things, I have this big smile on my face. The whole, youll get over it thing, Im guilty of saying that. This is why I ask my mom, my husband and close friends and family if its ok to say some of these things before I actually open my mouth and say them.
reply
I actually use the whole well at least I have this phrase on myself when Im going through certain things, and I believe it helps me. I noticed the more I think about the positive things, I have this big smile on my face. The whole, youll get over it thing, Im guilty of saying that. This is why I ask my mom, my husband and close friends and family if its ok to say some of these things before I actually open my mouth and say them.
reply
Luke
I got one I dont think is harmful and is pretty accurate I used to hear it all the time didnt understand until I was an adult time is the greatest healer it really is, faith and patience and hope go hand in hand with it as well. Everyone has went through something painful or embarrassing or even tragic (maybe) but if you can look back on it years later and maybe even laugh or say it made things better, thats a great example.
reply
I got one I dont think is harmful and is pretty accurate I used to hear it all the time didnt understand until I was an adult time is the greatest healer it really is, faith and patience and hope go hand in hand with it as well. Everyone has went through something painful or embarrassing or even tragic (maybe) but if you can look back on it years later and maybe even laugh or say it made things better, thats a great example.
reply
Shae
I was STRUGGLING with severe depression, and I was desperately looking for help. I have never opened up to my family before, so I decided to give it a try before it was too late. I dont remember much of what was said but I only remember these words from my grandmother there is always worse. I remember this EVERY time I think Im ready to go to my family for help, and it causes me to think my problems arent important.
reply
I was STRUGGLING with severe depression, and I was desperately looking for help. I have never opened up to my family before, so I decided to give it a try before it was too late. I dont remember much of what was said but I only remember these words from my grandmother there is always worse. I remember this EVERY time I think Im ready to go to my family for help, and it causes me to think my problems arent important.
reply
Shattered
Ive heard all of these. But for me. The one I hear a lot is my mom just saying youre fine. Followed by one of these phrases. Shes done this whether my struggle is with physical pain, psychological, or emotional pain.
Anytime I try and voice any concerns Ive been met with this. Now I honestly just dont bother. Im pretty sure my ankle could be broken or fractured and shed tell me that Im fine.
reply
Ive heard all of these. But for me. The one I hear a lot is my mom just saying youre fine. Followed by one of these phrases. Shes done this whether my struggle is with physical pain, psychological, or emotional pain.
Anytime I try and voice any concerns Ive been met with this. Now I honestly just dont bother. Im pretty sure my ankle could be broken or fractured and shed tell me that Im fine.
reply
Kaya
Did anybody else experience a complete lack of resonance with some of these? Is there something wrong with me for enjoying excessive positivity & the stories that illustrate how much someone has the ability to understand what I am going through? I know there has to be something to it because others have expressed so to me but its so hard to wrap my brain around
reply
Did anybody else experience a complete lack of resonance with some of these? Is there something wrong with me for enjoying excessive positivity & the stories that illustrate how much someone has the ability to understand what I am going through? I know there has to be something to it because others have expressed so to me but its so hard to wrap my brain around
reply
Lena
I really, REALLY hate it when people decide to counter someone's troubles with There are bigger problems/people in worse situations. Yeah, I'm well aware of that, it STILL doesn't mean that my small problem isn't a problem. This just suppresses the person's problem more and it may then mutate into something far worse and harder to deal with.
reply
I really, REALLY hate it when people decide to counter someone's troubles with There are bigger problems/people in worse situations. Yeah, I'm well aware of that, it STILL doesn't mean that my small problem isn't a problem. This just suppresses the person's problem more and it may then mutate into something far worse and harder to deal with.
reply
Cheerful
I love your videos and your ideas!
i agree with you as minimizing the pain of others make them compare their problems to others'. Everyone experiences difficulties differently, and just because someone else may have more significant issues doesn't mean that the person's feelings and struggles are any less real or important to them.
reply
I love your videos and your ideas!
i agree with you as minimizing the pain of others make them compare their problems to others'. Everyone experiences difficulties differently, and just because someone else may have more significant issues doesn't mean that the person's feelings and struggles are any less real or important to them.
reply
Logan
One is: I know what you're going through. DON'T EVER say this to a homeless person especially if they are trying their best. You have no idea what they're going through. I say this as a person who was on the streets for 2 yrs, and unless that person has the same mental illness as you, that person should never say that to you, period.
reply
One is: I know what you're going through. DON'T EVER say this to a homeless person especially if they are trying their best. You have no idea what they're going through. I say this as a person who was on the streets for 2 yrs, and unless that person has the same mental illness as you, that person should never say that to you, period.
reply
Boot
Everything is better with a pair. That phrase single-handedly made me break down multiple times just thinking about how i havent had a true pair in over 9 years, which is when my bigger brother died. You know the worst part about it? i made the phrase. my own mind made the phrase to torture myself.
reply
Everything is better with a pair. That phrase single-handedly made me break down multiple times just thinking about how i havent had a true pair in over 9 years, which is when my bigger brother died. You know the worst part about it? i made the phrase. my own mind made the phrase to torture myself.
reply
GC
Oof, I've used to 1st one. I said that there will be a say you'll get over it and find something new. Basically there's more fish in the sea and they'll one day forget about it or something.
I think I said that because that's what I always say to myself. Cause, I like living in the future.
reply
Oof, I've used to 1st one. I said that there will be a say you'll get over it and find something new. Basically there's more fish in the sea and they'll one day forget about it or something.
I think I said that because that's what I always say to myself. Cause, I like living in the future.
reply
Mimikyu's
Im motivational in onlinebut irl I say LITERALLY nothing i just sit there like uhhhhhhhh
Also your videos are so comforting i been watching afew of them for awhile i wish my mom could watch the 8 things you shouldn't say to kids she said alot of them she's not really caring
reply
Im motivational in onlinebut irl I say LITERALLY nothing i just sit there like uhhhhhhhh
Also your videos are so comforting i been watching afew of them for awhile i wish my mom could watch the 8 things you shouldn't say to kids she said alot of them she's not really caring
reply
Professor
The second one isn't all that bad. It makes the person less sensitive to verbal abuse, and makes one realize their privileges. Discouraging it would create a society where people are increasingly spoiled, and do not realize the sufferings of people lower in life.
reply
The second one isn't all that bad. It makes the person less sensitive to verbal abuse, and makes one realize their privileges. Discouraging it would create a society where people are increasingly spoiled, and do not realize the sufferings of people lower in life.
reply
Sebastian
I once made a joke about something that really hurt me, my friend just told me to stop just focusing in that, that it was stressful to others around me, those words really felt like a knife to my heart, I think I can't trust him ever again ever since that time
reply
I once made a joke about something that really hurt me, my friend just told me to stop just focusing in that, that it was stressful to others around me, those words really felt like a knife to my heart, I think I can't trust him ever again ever since that time
reply
education
2: 13
Actually, if you dont know how to say it, you will mess up, but if you know how to say it, you will help
Think about it
If you are in a problem, and someone told you oh dont worry! I have been throw the same thing so i know how to help you (:
reply
2: 13
Actually, if you dont know how to say it, you will mess up, but if you know how to say it, you will help
Think about it
If you are in a problem, and someone told you oh dont worry! I have been throw the same thing so i know how to help you (:
reply
Add a review, comment
Other channel videos
