How Your Childhood Affects Your Love Styles
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Prophetic
I feel like I'm equal parts Pleaser, Victim and Vacillator. I grew up with a mother who was very overprotective and flew off the handle at even slight mistakes I'd make, so my priority was always either steering clear of her or doing exactly what she asked of me to the best of my ability, as well as letting myself be fully emersed in whatever fantasy was calling to me at the time. Then there's my dad, who I already didn't see often as a kid after he and my mother divorced, and when he moved away, I ended up missing him so much that I left my hometown to spend my high school years with him. Even then, though, I remember times where I'd feel like he wasn't paying attention to me when I needed it. All of this combined to make me value others' happiness over my own, find myself expecting someone to blow up at me when I have no real reason to believe so, and be severely afraid of abandonment and losing the people I love.
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I feel like I'm equal parts Pleaser, Victim and Vacillator. I grew up with a mother who was very overprotective and flew off the handle at even slight mistakes I'd make, so my priority was always either steering clear of her or doing exactly what she asked of me to the best of my ability, as well as letting myself be fully emersed in whatever fantasy was calling to me at the time. Then there's my dad, who I already didn't see often as a kid after he and my mother divorced, and when he moved away, I ended up missing him so much that I left my hometown to spend my high school years with him. Even then, though, I remember times where I'd feel like he wasn't paying attention to me when I needed it. All of this combined to make me value others' happiness over my own, find myself expecting someone to blow up at me when I have no real reason to believe so, and be severely afraid of abandonment and losing the people I love.
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TofuBoy
I'm a pleaser. I always say yes to everyone. Even if I'm already not getting enough time for my self, i still do what other people asked me to do before i even think of my self. If there was any problem I'd always just say that it's my fault. I always say sorry to everything. My feelings are very fragile, and it can shatter in a matter of seconds. It's not my fault that i was born, I always feel like it's always because of me, and I'm sorry. Sorry but this is the only place i can share my experiences right now.
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I'm a pleaser. I always say yes to everyone. Even if I'm already not getting enough time for my self, i still do what other people asked me to do before i even think of my self. If there was any problem I'd always just say that it's my fault. I always say sorry to everything. My feelings are very fragile, and it can shatter in a matter of seconds. It's not my fault that i was born, I always feel like it's always because of me, and I'm sorry. Sorry but this is the only place i can share my experiences right now.
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Giulia
I swear, sometimes it's horrible to be a pleaser.
because, I'll make an example.
once, I was at a friend's house.
she has a brother.
they both wanted to play with the play station and a war started between them.
it was like: I want to play! you had four hours! but Giulia wants to play too, right?
they both stared at me and I didn't know what to do.
to be honest, helping people makes me really happy, but in this cases it's overwhelming.
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I swear, sometimes it's horrible to be a pleaser.
because, I'll make an example.
once, I was at a friend's house.
she has a brother.
they both wanted to play with the play station and a war started between them.
it was like: I want to play! you had four hours! but Giulia wants to play too, right?
they both stared at me and I didn't know what to do.
to be honest, helping people makes me really happy, but in this cases it's overwhelming.
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Vinessa
I relate to every single type of childhood abuse described in the video.
However, I only grew up to develop few of the things mentioned in the video when it came to growing up.
I learned to forgive my parents for being so shitty, and start the change on myself.
Diagnose from my therapist is borderline personality disorder, but won't let it define who I am completely.
There's hope, guys: )
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I relate to every single type of childhood abuse described in the video.
However, I only grew up to develop few of the things mentioned in the video when it came to growing up.
I learned to forgive my parents for being so shitty, and start the change on myself.
Diagnose from my therapist is borderline personality disorder, but won't let it define who I am completely.
There's hope, guys: )
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SmileFaceGamer
My parents arent explicitly critical and Ive grown up in a good household. But I definatly feel like Ive been overprotected (understandable considering my ASD) and definatly feel like I have to please everyone. I am very much the pleaser and I often feel humiliated when called out (for both being a pleaser and not helping) and this intensifies the behaviour. How do I stop doing this
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My parents arent explicitly critical and Ive grown up in a good household. But I definatly feel like Ive been overprotected (understandable considering my ASD) and definatly feel like I have to please everyone. I am very much the pleaser and I often feel humiliated when called out (for both being a pleaser and not helping) and this intensifies the behaviour. How do I stop doing this
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Meph
I'm an avoider. Everyday, I spend my time in my closet upstairs, I take care of myself and always have since 2nd grade. Sometimes I feel alone, but I try to make myself feel that I like it that way. I never ask for help, even if I do need it. My friends don't understand who I am, and leaving me to be alone. I don't know what I'll do, and I don't have anymore hope.
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I'm an avoider. Everyday, I spend my time in my closet upstairs, I take care of myself and always have since 2nd grade. Sometimes I feel alone, but I try to make myself feel that I like it that way. I never ask for help, even if I do need it. My friends don't understand who I am, and leaving me to be alone. I don't know what I'll do, and I don't have anymore hope.
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education
I would say I've got some connections with 3 of these styles and can recognise these characteristics within my sibling and my parents aswell. This video has been helpful because its helped me to catch myself in the moment and reassess my responses. And its also helped me to be more understanding of my family and thier reactions.
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I would say I've got some connections with 3 of these styles and can recognise these characteristics within my sibling and my parents aswell. This video has been helpful because its helped me to catch myself in the moment and reassess my responses. And its also helped me to be more understanding of my family and thier reactions.
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Cal
Im the pleaser 100%. Ive had friends get mad at me for saying Im sorry for the smallest of things. I once tallied how many times I said sorry in a day and it was 212 times. In my household as a child I always had something to be sorry for and I always would make it me goal to please my dad and sister
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Im the pleaser 100%. Ive had friends get mad at me for saying Im sorry for the smallest of things. I once tallied how many times I said sorry in a day and it was 212 times. In my household as a child I always had something to be sorry for and I always would make it me goal to please my dad and sister
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Kayla
What about the one where you grow up in a different place then where you are now. The first place often didnt have a little to no emotion or love and after leaving, is uneasy and runs to friends instead of family since family was unreliable at times when needed most. Whats that called?
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What about the one where you grow up in a different place then where you are now. The first place often didnt have a little to no emotion or love and after leaving, is uneasy and runs to friends instead of family since family was unreliable at times when needed most. Whats that called?
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Sahirah
OH MY GOSH. IM THE VACILLATOR. Okay okay I was watching this and at first I thought I was either the victim or the controller bUT NO. The vacillator came along and it described me PERFECTLY. Thank you for helping me better understand myself a little bit.
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OH MY GOSH. IM THE VACILLATOR. Okay okay I was watching this and at first I thought I was either the victim or the controller bUT NO. The vacillator came along and it described me PERFECTLY. Thank you for helping me better understand myself a little bit.
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Christian
Ive been engulfed with anxiety non stop because of my parents. I can never trust my gut or listen to my own voice because its been filled with guilt and constant worry of my parents blowing up at me for any choice I want to make
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Ive been engulfed with anxiety non stop because of my parents. I can never trust my gut or listen to my own voice because its been filled with guilt and constant worry of my parents blowing up at me for any choice I want to make
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Melina
I think I identify with the Vacillater the most, but I come from a family where my parents and siblings are supportive and we care about each other's feelings and try to help each other out any way we can
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I think I identify with the Vacillater the most, but I come from a family where my parents and siblings are supportive and we care about each other's feelings and try to help each other out any way we can
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kos
Im a control-freak who becomes(im not about giving up control) appeser in a relationship in order to not be alone. And im also uncumfortable seeing others emotions just explode out of them.
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Im a control-freak who becomes(im not about giving up control) appeser in a relationship in order to not be alone. And im also uncumfortable seeing others emotions just explode out of them.
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Casillco
Waht about a child that grew up in a environment where they were loved by there parents, lived in a nice and calm home, and lived a happy childhood? Becuase that is my catogory.
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Waht about a child that grew up in a environment where they were loved by there parents, lived in a nice and calm home, and lived a happy childhood? Becuase that is my catogory.
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Sapphire
I'm definitely the pleaser and the victim. I'm trying my best to overcome this.
I don't need you to respect me I respect me. I don't need you to love me I love me.
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I'm definitely the pleaser and the victim. I'm trying my best to overcome this.
I don't need you to respect me I respect me. I don't need you to love me I love me.
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Michelle
I had an abusive childhood Im a combination of a pleaser, victim, and vacillator. And My partner had an abusive childhood as well so hes a controller and an avoider.
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I had an abusive childhood Im a combination of a pleaser, victim, and vacillator. And My partner had an abusive childhood as well so hes a controller and an avoider.
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Noelia
Thanks for this! I think is helping a lot of people including me. Could u make a video talking more about how to get over this and have healthy relationships? Thank u!
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Thanks for this! I think is helping a lot of people including me. Could u make a video talking more about how to get over this and have healthy relationships? Thank u!
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Sir
Strange thing that I'm a bit of a vacillator, although I grew up with a loving, caring, and sometimes superprotective mother. But my father was like the description.
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Strange thing that I'm a bit of a vacillator, although I grew up with a loving, caring, and sometimes superprotective mother. But my father was like the description.
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jum
The pleaser
The vacillator
The avoider
These are the three that I relate to most and I feel like is how I actually am in relationships. it's so accurate
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The pleaser
The vacillator
The avoider
These are the three that I relate to most and I feel like is how I actually am in relationships. it's so accurate
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Hannah
I did not grow up in an angry or violent household but I have created an imaginary world in my head and whenever I get sad i go there does that mean something
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I did not grow up in an angry or violent household but I have created an imaginary world in my head and whenever I get sad i go there does that mean something
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Neville
Started off as a pleaser but ended up as an avoider. If youre a woman who ever finds herself asking where have all the good men gone, theres your answer.
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Started off as a pleaser but ended up as an avoider. If youre a woman who ever finds herself asking where have all the good men gone, theres your answer.
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Tony
I'm a mix between a pleaser and the victim, the pleaser for my mom and the victim for my step dad, it's got a really weird effect on how I view my life
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I'm a mix between a pleaser and the victim, the pleaser for my mom and the victim for my step dad, it's got a really weird effect on how I view my life
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jay
I'm mostly the pleaser due to my strict, verbally/mentally abusive stepmom and a little bit of the victim (stepmom) and vascillator (my dad's job)
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I'm mostly the pleaser due to my strict, verbally/mentally abusive stepmom and a little bit of the victim (stepmom) and vascillator (my dad's job)
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qokoa
Love relationships are just impossible for me. I'm always aloof and embarrassed of everything. I can't let myself love. What do I do about this?
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Love relationships are just impossible for me. I'm always aloof and embarrassed of everything. I can't let myself love. What do I do about this?
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Jay
Omg I'm 30 31 in 26 days I have had a breakdown I just realized 1 min into the video I dnt know where to turn help some advice would help me?
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Omg I'm 30 31 in 26 days I have had a breakdown I just realized 1 min into the video I dnt know where to turn help some advice would help me?
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