10 Examples of What Gaslighting Sounds Like
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Bowen
In the depths of my childhood, my mother's words echoed through my vulnerable mind, repeatedly reminding me of my supposed ugliness. As I grew older, my father's absence became a constant presence due to his prolonged work trips. Left alone with my emotionally unstable mother, I endured her frequent outbursts and the piercing words she would unleash upon me: No one in this family loves you. Your father left because he despises you. These were the haunting echoes that resonated within me from the age of 12 until I turned 18, finally leaving my hometown behind to pursue higher education in a distant city.
Throughout my journey, the burden of financial responsibilities often fell on my shoulders. Whenever it was time to pay for my tuition, my mother would insist that I approach my father for money, claiming she had none to offer. As I transitioned into adulthood and ventured into overseas territories for work and life, my mother's demands evolved into monthly requests for financial support, to which I reluctantly consented.
It wasn't until two years ago, during a pivotal public speaking engagement, that a perceptive audience member pointed out a flaw in my delivery. The weight of humiliation and shame bore down on me, leaving me submerged in a sea of self-blame and lingering disappointment. It was then that my battle with depression commenced, leading me on a path towards psychological therapy. Gradually, my therapist unveiled the deep-rooted issues stemming from my strained familial relationships, prompting me to confront them head-on.
In a heartfelt conversation with my mother, I mustered the courage to elucidate how her actions had corroded my self-esteem, giving rise to the gripping tendrils of social anxiety disorder. To my dismay, her response failed to embrace the healing path I yearned for. Instead, she resorted to emotional manipulation, attempting to hold me hostage with guilt-ridden assertions. She painted me as an ungrateful child, falsely accusing me of deception and claiming my intentions were merely self-serving, driven by a desire to shirk responsibility as she aged. In the face of such resistance, I made the profound decision to create a necessary distance, marking the initiation of a new chapter in my life as I approached the tender age of 30.
This juncture represents an opportunity for rebirth, where I can ardently reconstruct the foundation of my identity and diligently pursue my own well-being. From the ashes of past hardships, I will rise, armed with newfound resilience and a renewed determination to chart my own destiny.
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In the depths of my childhood, my mother's words echoed through my vulnerable mind, repeatedly reminding me of my supposed ugliness. As I grew older, my father's absence became a constant presence due to his prolonged work trips. Left alone with my emotionally unstable mother, I endured her frequent outbursts and the piercing words she would unleash upon me: No one in this family loves you. Your father left because he despises you. These were the haunting echoes that resonated within me from the age of 12 until I turned 18, finally leaving my hometown behind to pursue higher education in a distant city.
Throughout my journey, the burden of financial responsibilities often fell on my shoulders. Whenever it was time to pay for my tuition, my mother would insist that I approach my father for money, claiming she had none to offer. As I transitioned into adulthood and ventured into overseas territories for work and life, my mother's demands evolved into monthly requests for financial support, to which I reluctantly consented.
It wasn't until two years ago, during a pivotal public speaking engagement, that a perceptive audience member pointed out a flaw in my delivery. The weight of humiliation and shame bore down on me, leaving me submerged in a sea of self-blame and lingering disappointment. It was then that my battle with depression commenced, leading me on a path towards psychological therapy. Gradually, my therapist unveiled the deep-rooted issues stemming from my strained familial relationships, prompting me to confront them head-on.
In a heartfelt conversation with my mother, I mustered the courage to elucidate how her actions had corroded my self-esteem, giving rise to the gripping tendrils of social anxiety disorder. To my dismay, her response failed to embrace the healing path I yearned for. Instead, she resorted to emotional manipulation, attempting to hold me hostage with guilt-ridden assertions. She painted me as an ungrateful child, falsely accusing me of deception and claiming my intentions were merely self-serving, driven by a desire to shirk responsibility as she aged. In the face of such resistance, I made the profound decision to create a necessary distance, marking the initiation of a new chapter in my life as I approached the tender age of 30.
This juncture represents an opportunity for rebirth, where I can ardently reconstruct the foundation of my identity and diligently pursue my own well-being. From the ashes of past hardships, I will rise, armed with newfound resilience and a renewed determination to chart my own destiny.
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Ryan
gas lighting is not something which is only done from a man to a woman or from an individual to another individual. It's also true that it's not always wrapped up so neatly in a one person gaslighting another or rather one person abusing another. if we think in terms of large national movements. the gas lighting becomes a team sport of sorts.
It's very sad and very hurtful. When there are kids or people involved, there are bargains made internally, thinking that if I can just get through the hurt. and pray enough. maybe just maybe someone will see the truth and help some way. You make bargains and get good at turning negative situations into positives, you figure out ways to help yourself by continually helping others, praying for some sort of relief.
The realization of how much is actually involved and connected rumbles to the forefront of understanding. You think there is actually some progress being made, but a new happening of understanding evolves and you begin to question the actual intentions yet again. The training of yourself may have started one way, but the reality of usurpations and very hurt infused phrases like well behaved women never made history rumble to the fore front. The sad truth embedded yet also creating a limitation self imposed by hurt infused needing a foe to rise over.
There are so many things involving in these very real and very large and small scale matters. Usually, no one is innocent in many things, as much as everyone would like it to be simple. it isn't. so the dystopian gas lighting gains more steam in another vein of rebound. The sad truth, it worked again. The pain of the realization rising.
It's almost like an addiction, like fossil fuels or over spending in healthcare. the seeming solutions creating more problems with splices of more hurt.
The triangulating the efficiency of these basic denials of reality, you create a sense of authenticity which shades the deviant simple truth. if it's wrong and many people are doing it. it's still wrong.
Over time, the systems meant to protect against this sort of intrusion. jurisprudence. pick up these flavors and false legitimize them. Of course, the legitimizing of them creates the action and reaction process of entrenched hurt, where many times the specter of mental health abuse in pasts and associations of grand misunderstandings evolve rapidly. The banners of righteousness waving on multiple sides of strange bedfellows.
How to bring in better understanding? How to help when help itself becomes a vilification?
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gas lighting is not something which is only done from a man to a woman or from an individual to another individual. It's also true that it's not always wrapped up so neatly in a one person gaslighting another or rather one person abusing another. if we think in terms of large national movements. the gas lighting becomes a team sport of sorts.
It's very sad and very hurtful. When there are kids or people involved, there are bargains made internally, thinking that if I can just get through the hurt. and pray enough. maybe just maybe someone will see the truth and help some way. You make bargains and get good at turning negative situations into positives, you figure out ways to help yourself by continually helping others, praying for some sort of relief.
The realization of how much is actually involved and connected rumbles to the forefront of understanding. You think there is actually some progress being made, but a new happening of understanding evolves and you begin to question the actual intentions yet again. The training of yourself may have started one way, but the reality of usurpations and very hurt infused phrases like well behaved women never made history rumble to the fore front. The sad truth embedded yet also creating a limitation self imposed by hurt infused needing a foe to rise over.
There are so many things involving in these very real and very large and small scale matters. Usually, no one is innocent in many things, as much as everyone would like it to be simple. it isn't. so the dystopian gas lighting gains more steam in another vein of rebound. The sad truth, it worked again. The pain of the realization rising.
It's almost like an addiction, like fossil fuels or over spending in healthcare. the seeming solutions creating more problems with splices of more hurt.
The triangulating the efficiency of these basic denials of reality, you create a sense of authenticity which shades the deviant simple truth. if it's wrong and many people are doing it. it's still wrong.
Over time, the systems meant to protect against this sort of intrusion. jurisprudence. pick up these flavors and false legitimize them. Of course, the legitimizing of them creates the action and reaction process of entrenched hurt, where many times the specter of mental health abuse in pasts and associations of grand misunderstandings evolve rapidly. The banners of righteousness waving on multiple sides of strange bedfellows.
How to bring in better understanding? How to help when help itself becomes a vilification?
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Jeff
Its important to understand who youre dealing with. Narcissist and Gaslighters find enjoyment in what theyre doing. They love the back-and-forth and they love to constantly test boundaries to see if youll bend. Its a game to them. at your expense. They want to bend and stretch you like putty. to the point where youre just worn out. They usually dont know how to communicate aside from assigning labels, deflection, dodges, and blaming. Its a roundabout way of hiding their own insecurities, and insufficiencies out in the open. I was in a relationship with a person that constantly did this. Arguments are usually triangulated around you attacking from 4 or 5 positions that share no relevance to the topic being discussed just to make you doubt your own thoughts.
Adam: I want to talk about your drinking and your abusive behavior towards me and the kids today. Sally is really hurt by what you said in front of her friends.
Eve: im not abusive youre just sensitive and my drinking has nothing to do with your problem. Youre the most selfish person I know.
Well, this is an example. notice how adam is trying to seriously discuss an issue and eve immediately deflect: not me, its you. why would you think that? Its obvious you werent comfortable and thats the problem. Im fine. Youre just worried that Im going to say something about your(whatever) and pointed out in front of your friends.
See how the argument tilts from Adam wanting to discuss a situation to of you have a problem with it, It must be your problem?
If youre in a relationship with a person that does this, youre dealing with somebody that doesnt care. They dont want to have a serious conversation that involves their involvement, actions, compromise or responsibility. They turn every conversation into a game. They keep a list of everything that you do, and use it for their own advantage when they feel like fighting or they feel attacked. Like I said, they dont communicate.
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Its important to understand who youre dealing with. Narcissist and Gaslighters find enjoyment in what theyre doing. They love the back-and-forth and they love to constantly test boundaries to see if youll bend. Its a game to them. at your expense. They want to bend and stretch you like putty. to the point where youre just worn out. They usually dont know how to communicate aside from assigning labels, deflection, dodges, and blaming. Its a roundabout way of hiding their own insecurities, and insufficiencies out in the open. I was in a relationship with a person that constantly did this. Arguments are usually triangulated around you attacking from 4 or 5 positions that share no relevance to the topic being discussed just to make you doubt your own thoughts.
Adam: I want to talk about your drinking and your abusive behavior towards me and the kids today. Sally is really hurt by what you said in front of her friends.
Eve: im not abusive youre just sensitive and my drinking has nothing to do with your problem. Youre the most selfish person I know.
Well, this is an example. notice how adam is trying to seriously discuss an issue and eve immediately deflect: not me, its you. why would you think that? Its obvious you werent comfortable and thats the problem. Im fine. Youre just worried that Im going to say something about your(whatever) and pointed out in front of your friends.
See how the argument tilts from Adam wanting to discuss a situation to of you have a problem with it, It must be your problem?
If youre in a relationship with a person that does this, youre dealing with somebody that doesnt care. They dont want to have a serious conversation that involves their involvement, actions, compromise or responsibility. They turn every conversation into a game. They keep a list of everything that you do, and use it for their own advantage when they feel like fighting or they feel attacked. Like I said, they dont communicate.
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Beridan
I am going through the bowels of an expensive (to me) divorce with my spouse of over thirty years. The pain this woman intentionally brings into my life has gone beyond reasonable limits. Our marriage has a fatal case of Munchausen's syndrome where she has repeatedly sabotaged our relationship for the sympathetic attention it gives her. She is also considered heroic by some for her prolonged tolerance of someone like me. She regularly engages in invidious behavior I believe is designed to cause me to doubt myself and rely heavily upon her. She regularly discards medicines I take and suggests that I need to improve my method of keeping track. If I install something or make a household repair she will break it and suggest that my work could be better. She submits change of address with my name on it. It's all a bunch of little stuff in the greater scheme of things but it adds up. My belief is that her motive is to get me to react in a way that is harmful to us but leaves me with legal consequences. All of our friends are her friends and nearly all of them believe her to be sweeter than Sweet Polly Purebred. They consider it inconceivable that she could be a bad actor in our relationship. I have taken the steps that I need to take to end this extended waste of time in my life and move on. I'm older now with declining health (cancer) but I have my wits about me. I am seeing rays of light penetrating the dark cloud that has been my personal encumbrance for so long. I do not have any misconceptions that the divorce stipulations will miraculously end all of the harassing behavior. But it will give me the opportunity to live these last few years of my life without looking up into the faces of those that brought me so much grief. Gaslighting is an many ways much worse than physical abuse.
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I am going through the bowels of an expensive (to me) divorce with my spouse of over thirty years. The pain this woman intentionally brings into my life has gone beyond reasonable limits. Our marriage has a fatal case of Munchausen's syndrome where she has repeatedly sabotaged our relationship for the sympathetic attention it gives her. She is also considered heroic by some for her prolonged tolerance of someone like me. She regularly engages in invidious behavior I believe is designed to cause me to doubt myself and rely heavily upon her. She regularly discards medicines I take and suggests that I need to improve my method of keeping track. If I install something or make a household repair she will break it and suggest that my work could be better. She submits change of address with my name on it. It's all a bunch of little stuff in the greater scheme of things but it adds up. My belief is that her motive is to get me to react in a way that is harmful to us but leaves me with legal consequences. All of our friends are her friends and nearly all of them believe her to be sweeter than Sweet Polly Purebred. They consider it inconceivable that she could be a bad actor in our relationship. I have taken the steps that I need to take to end this extended waste of time in my life and move on. I'm older now with declining health (cancer) but I have my wits about me. I am seeing rays of light penetrating the dark cloud that has been my personal encumbrance for so long. I do not have any misconceptions that the divorce stipulations will miraculously end all of the harassing behavior. But it will give me the opportunity to live these last few years of my life without looking up into the faces of those that brought me so much grief. Gaslighting is an many ways much worse than physical abuse.
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byulbyuli
Just got into a fight with my big sis. and this is exactly how she acts. always looking for my weaknesses to look down on me. and the fact that i stayed silent just out of respect and i dont want to make things worse. but when shes crossing the line and i got mad, suddenly i was the 'oversensitive' one. as if her looking down on me all these years is totally fine. and the fact that shes fatshaming me all these year and i just laugh it off and play along, does not mean that its okay to keep on doing so. just because im a bit chubby and you're the perfect proportion does not give you the right to always look down on me and completely destroy my self esteem. but when i confronted her about it shes dismissing it saying that shes just telling the truth and that if im offended about it means that her act of looking down on me is 'okay' as if i dont have any feelings. and everytime we got into an argument she would guilt tripping me saying that im ungrateful for the things that she gave me. the fact that those things are not even bought using her own money and it was our dad the one who bought it for her but just because she gave permission for me to use her things then suddenly i got mad at her because of her FOUL MOUTH and has nothing to do with me being grateful or ungrateful but she just love to find my weaknesses to look down on me and make me feel guilty for even get mad at her. look i love you sis but why is it so hard for you to say sorry when you know u did something wrong. but instead of apologizing you loved to make me feel like i was the guilties and useless person that ever live on this planet.
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Just got into a fight with my big sis. and this is exactly how she acts. always looking for my weaknesses to look down on me. and the fact that i stayed silent just out of respect and i dont want to make things worse. but when shes crossing the line and i got mad, suddenly i was the 'oversensitive' one. as if her looking down on me all these years is totally fine. and the fact that shes fatshaming me all these year and i just laugh it off and play along, does not mean that its okay to keep on doing so. just because im a bit chubby and you're the perfect proportion does not give you the right to always look down on me and completely destroy my self esteem. but when i confronted her about it shes dismissing it saying that shes just telling the truth and that if im offended about it means that her act of looking down on me is 'okay' as if i dont have any feelings. and everytime we got into an argument she would guilt tripping me saying that im ungrateful for the things that she gave me. the fact that those things are not even bought using her own money and it was our dad the one who bought it for her but just because she gave permission for me to use her things then suddenly i got mad at her because of her FOUL MOUTH and has nothing to do with me being grateful or ungrateful but she just love to find my weaknesses to look down on me and make me feel guilty for even get mad at her. look i love you sis but why is it so hard for you to say sorry when you know u did something wrong. but instead of apologizing you loved to make me feel like i was the guilties and useless person that ever live on this planet.
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Canna
This is a good video and explains gaslighting pretty well. However, one of the things you said about the movie Gaslight which was released in 1944 is incorrect. While the husband (Charles Boyer) definitely intentionally manipulates his wife (Ingrid Bergman) and tries to make her feel that she is insane, he does NOT intentionally dim the lights. This happens inadvertently because he has to turn on the lights in the attic while he is searching for the jewels. This diverts the gas to the attic which consequently makes the lights elsewhere in the building dimmer. This is just how gaslight worked when it was widely used at the turn of the 19th century, before electricity became an option. (The story is supposed to be set in 1880) He does tell his wife that she is imagining the dimming of the lights, however, when she tells him about it, knowing all along that the gas is diverted to the attic whenever he is up there. The term gaslighting does not per se refer to the flickering of the lights but rather to the name of the movie itself. The movie is simply an excellent example of intentional psychological manipulation. To my knowledge, this is the first time something like this was shown so blatantly on the movie screen and was one of the early dark psychological thrillers. It is incidentally based on a 1938 British play which was written during a very dark time in the playwright's life. The flickering of the lights is just a clever external manifestation of all of the husband's deceptive actions.
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This is a good video and explains gaslighting pretty well. However, one of the things you said about the movie Gaslight which was released in 1944 is incorrect. While the husband (Charles Boyer) definitely intentionally manipulates his wife (Ingrid Bergman) and tries to make her feel that she is insane, he does NOT intentionally dim the lights. This happens inadvertently because he has to turn on the lights in the attic while he is searching for the jewels. This diverts the gas to the attic which consequently makes the lights elsewhere in the building dimmer. This is just how gaslight worked when it was widely used at the turn of the 19th century, before electricity became an option. (The story is supposed to be set in 1880) He does tell his wife that she is imagining the dimming of the lights, however, when she tells him about it, knowing all along that the gas is diverted to the attic whenever he is up there. The term gaslighting does not per se refer to the flickering of the lights but rather to the name of the movie itself. The movie is simply an excellent example of intentional psychological manipulation. To my knowledge, this is the first time something like this was shown so blatantly on the movie screen and was one of the early dark psychological thrillers. It is incidentally based on a 1938 British play which was written during a very dark time in the playwright's life. The flickering of the lights is just a clever external manifestation of all of the husband's deceptive actions.
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Emil
The problem with this list, is that a person with Borderline might see it, and use it to conclude, that nothing is wrong with them, they are just being gaslighted.
I have said most of these things to my ex-wife. But they were all earnest. When I was backed up in a corner and desperate, I might have blurted out, that all my family had warned me about her emotional abuse towards me. I might have blurted out, that she was being too emotional. I might have blurted out, that she was the cause of my anger. And it was all she needed to subvert the dynamic of our relationship, so that she could take on the role of victim, when in fact I was the one being stumped, provoked and emotionally scarred every day.
I don't even think, she did it on purpose, but she did revel in the attention, she could get from her friends by displaying herself as a victim. And it also enabled her refusal to seek help for her disorder. She is to this day convinced, that her diagnosis was a mistake, and she is (by her own accord) fighting tooth and nail to have it withdrawn. She had told me, it already had been, and I sort of believed her for a while, but then I saw her medical records because of the full disclosure during our custody battle. It's definitely not the first thing, she has lied about.
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The problem with this list, is that a person with Borderline might see it, and use it to conclude, that nothing is wrong with them, they are just being gaslighted.
I have said most of these things to my ex-wife. But they were all earnest. When I was backed up in a corner and desperate, I might have blurted out, that all my family had warned me about her emotional abuse towards me. I might have blurted out, that she was being too emotional. I might have blurted out, that she was the cause of my anger. And it was all she needed to subvert the dynamic of our relationship, so that she could take on the role of victim, when in fact I was the one being stumped, provoked and emotionally scarred every day.
I don't even think, she did it on purpose, but she did revel in the attention, she could get from her friends by displaying herself as a victim. And it also enabled her refusal to seek help for her disorder. She is to this day convinced, that her diagnosis was a mistake, and she is (by her own accord) fighting tooth and nail to have it withdrawn. She had told me, it already had been, and I sort of believed her for a while, but then I saw her medical records because of the full disclosure during our custody battle. It's definitely not the first thing, she has lied about.
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education
I had a friend I grew up with. He constantly, almost hard wired was scamming for money. Ducking out of drinks, expecting I pay for meals and constantly guiding situations to get me to pay. The worst bit is, he THINKS I wasnt aware of it. As soon as he got what he wanted he was immediately into the next scam.
Eventually a number of things happened where he put me in danger due to my disability and ignoring it.
The last situation was he had been drinking. He is an awful drunk. He gets ultra snarky and nasty.
He was showing off his new skateboard whilst drunk and it shot straight out from under him. I laughed. He then picked up a cushion and punched me in the face 3 timesof course he thinking he just tapped me with a cushion.
Due to my spine issue he actually cracked a bone in my neck.
I packed my stuff and walked out.
I then received a number of text messages stating I was over reacting and the worst bit - he demanded I apologise to HIM for pissing him off, then he will apologise to me.
I am still angry with myself for allowing this kind of behaviour for decades.
If he won 50 million on the lottery hed not give me a penny and still scam me for every penny he could get. If I won the lottery he would absolutely expect at least half.
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I had a friend I grew up with. He constantly, almost hard wired was scamming for money. Ducking out of drinks, expecting I pay for meals and constantly guiding situations to get me to pay. The worst bit is, he THINKS I wasnt aware of it. As soon as he got what he wanted he was immediately into the next scam.
Eventually a number of things happened where he put me in danger due to my disability and ignoring it.
The last situation was he had been drinking. He is an awful drunk. He gets ultra snarky and nasty.
He was showing off his new skateboard whilst drunk and it shot straight out from under him. I laughed. He then picked up a cushion and punched me in the face 3 timesof course he thinking he just tapped me with a cushion.
Due to my spine issue he actually cracked a bone in my neck.
I packed my stuff and walked out.
I then received a number of text messages stating I was over reacting and the worst bit - he demanded I apologise to HIM for pissing him off, then he will apologise to me.
I am still angry with myself for allowing this kind of behaviour for decades.
If he won 50 million on the lottery hed not give me a penny and still scam me for every penny he could get. If I won the lottery he would absolutely expect at least half.
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A_Rare_Gem15
Ive realised in the past month or two that an ex friend gaslit me multiple times. He was the first person I really told my trauma too and he was all understanding and shit till suddenly when he was really mad at me it was suddenly all BS I made up to make him feel bad. He dated my friend at the time we were friends mostly and a bit afterwards. She also experienced gaslighting and took her longer to realise but once she did, shes never wanted anything to do with him. He tried to sabotage my friendship with her after we stopped being friends because I called him out on something and told his gf at the time (my friend) what happened and he denied it EVEN TO ME WHO HEARD EVERYTHING HE SAID. I cant believe I once saw good in him. Im glad me and my friend now have the self respect to disassociate with him now
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Ive realised in the past month or two that an ex friend gaslit me multiple times. He was the first person I really told my trauma too and he was all understanding and shit till suddenly when he was really mad at me it was suddenly all BS I made up to make him feel bad. He dated my friend at the time we were friends mostly and a bit afterwards. She also experienced gaslighting and took her longer to realise but once she did, shes never wanted anything to do with him. He tried to sabotage my friendship with her after we stopped being friends because I called him out on something and told his gf at the time (my friend) what happened and he denied it EVEN TO ME WHO HEARD EVERYTHING HE SAID. I cant believe I once saw good in him. Im glad me and my friend now have the self respect to disassociate with him now
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Fallenivy
I have a friend at the moment who i dont really get on well with. Shes very opinionated, controlling, and gets mad when i talk to other people, which leads to me trying to distance myself often. There were a couple of instances recently where she yelled at me for no reason, shit talked about me, lied to me and ignored me for days before pretending nothing had happened, and another where she did something that really hurt my friend. Whenever i try to distance myself, she acts like Im the problem, asks me if Im ok, and shit talks me to other people. Ive never had this with anyone else, and she made me feel like Im the toxic one. This has helped me see its actually her gaslighting me into feeling this way, and Im trying to cut her off for real this time.
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I have a friend at the moment who i dont really get on well with. Shes very opinionated, controlling, and gets mad when i talk to other people, which leads to me trying to distance myself often. There were a couple of instances recently where she yelled at me for no reason, shit talked about me, lied to me and ignored me for days before pretending nothing had happened, and another where she did something that really hurt my friend. Whenever i try to distance myself, she acts like Im the problem, asks me if Im ok, and shit talks me to other people. Ive never had this with anyone else, and she made me feel like Im the toxic one. This has helped me see its actually her gaslighting me into feeling this way, and Im trying to cut her off for real this time.
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Robust
Intentional gaslighting can also involve telling white falsehoods or any other kind of tolerant deception in an effort to avoid offending someone. An illustration of this is when someone who was excluded says something like, Oh, still cared or know you. They could be compelled to organise their thoughts into discrete units that are simple to comprehend and process. These concepts are ethereal and frequently defy logic. It's acceptable to leave certain questions unanswered about phenomena that reasoned minds cannot understand. Don't feel obligated to organise everything, even if you might think that's what you should be doing.
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Intentional gaslighting can also involve telling white falsehoods or any other kind of tolerant deception in an effort to avoid offending someone. An illustration of this is when someone who was excluded says something like, Oh, still cared or know you. They could be compelled to organise their thoughts into discrete units that are simple to comprehend and process. These concepts are ethereal and frequently defy logic. It's acceptable to leave certain questions unanswered about phenomena that reasoned minds cannot understand. Don't feel obligated to organise everything, even if you might think that's what you should be doing.
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zengara11
Gaslighting is a weak word, because you are not able to verbally explain what is wrong with the conversation, and you end up being completely in the wrong. So using the term gaslighting, since you do not have to prove the other person not being truthful or anything, results in you thinking you won. How long til people figure it out, and it dies out. Real use of gaslighting (someone actually trying to make you crazy by moving sht around in the house and lying to you. Actual insane sht is a thing, but obviously not being experienced by 99. 9999% of the people watching, which makes them not special)
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Gaslighting is a weak word, because you are not able to verbally explain what is wrong with the conversation, and you end up being completely in the wrong. So using the term gaslighting, since you do not have to prove the other person not being truthful or anything, results in you thinking you won. How long til people figure it out, and it dies out. Real use of gaslighting (someone actually trying to make you crazy by moving sht around in the house and lying to you. Actual insane sht is a thing, but obviously not being experienced by 99. 9999% of the people watching, which makes them not special)
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Celia
Please, tell me how not to gaslight myself. Gaslighting has been the worst part of my obsession. My father brought a cousin into my home almost two years ago and never told me that the guy was a manipulative player! Instead, my dad said that the guy was hoping to get married and if I had a single lady friend. I feel everyone in the family has been gaslighting me! I'm too much of an empath to buy the trojan horse idea of being friends with my cousin. I settled with considering him my ex-boyfriend and not get pulled into any more unnecessary suffering and absolutely no hypocrisy!
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Please, tell me how not to gaslight myself. Gaslighting has been the worst part of my obsession. My father brought a cousin into my home almost two years ago and never told me that the guy was a manipulative player! Instead, my dad said that the guy was hoping to get married and if I had a single lady friend. I feel everyone in the family has been gaslighting me! I'm too much of an empath to buy the trojan horse idea of being friends with my cousin. I settled with considering him my ex-boyfriend and not get pulled into any more unnecessary suffering and absolutely no hypocrisy!
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Christine
Hi Psycho2Go, Interesting info on gaslighting. Well I experience being gaslighted by family at times and from outside people. It's amusing I'd say when someone trys that on me. First I recognize they are a liar. Second I sense they have low self esteem. Third I find them arrogant to believe they can pull that on someone and believe that the person they try that on is just as insecure as they are in their life. Grow up gaslighters, no one is right all the time even you. Don't be so uneasy to have your faults exposed. After all No Body Is Perfect. I'm just sayin!
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Hi Psycho2Go, Interesting info on gaslighting. Well I experience being gaslighted by family at times and from outside people. It's amusing I'd say when someone trys that on me. First I recognize they are a liar. Second I sense they have low self esteem. Third I find them arrogant to believe they can pull that on someone and believe that the person they try that on is just as insecure as they are in their life. Grow up gaslighters, no one is right all the time even you. Don't be so uneasy to have your faults exposed. After all No Body Is Perfect. I'm just sayin!
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education
I watch those videos to certify my suspicions that my now ex was gaslighting me, emotionally abusing me, using the silent treatment, not owning up to his mistakes and projecting his flaws on to me. If you love someone and they were abusive only during conflict, it's easy to forgive them and not think much of it. The last month before he left me he had become a lot more toxic. I just watch all your videos and write down things that he did and examples, so I feel validated and not forget what he did.
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I watch those videos to certify my suspicions that my now ex was gaslighting me, emotionally abusing me, using the silent treatment, not owning up to his mistakes and projecting his flaws on to me. If you love someone and they were abusive only during conflict, it's easy to forgive them and not think much of it. The last month before he left me he had become a lot more toxic. I just watch all your videos and write down things that he did and examples, so I feel validated and not forget what he did.
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Molly's
3 I'm sorry you feel that way. So infuriating. A ridiculous non apology.
9. You make a big deal out of everything / it shouldn't have been a big deal. Minimizing the impact a behavior they chose has on you. I'm sensitive and ok with that. But not the only one who thinks some of the behaviors were a big deal.
Thank you for including that on the list. Drove me nuts he said this to me.
These are an attempt to not face consequences or take accountability for poor behaviors.
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3 I'm sorry you feel that way. So infuriating. A ridiculous non apology.
9. You make a big deal out of everything / it shouldn't have been a big deal. Minimizing the impact a behavior they chose has on you. I'm sensitive and ok with that. But not the only one who thinks some of the behaviors were a big deal.
Thank you for including that on the list. Drove me nuts he said this to me.
These are an attempt to not face consequences or take accountability for poor behaviors.
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Richard
Does the power relationship between the doer and the receiver have any role to play, as it does in the original play/film(s? Ive always felt that it has, but it often isnt mentioned, as it wasnt in this post. If there is a differential (that is, the gaslighter has more power) then does it amplify the actions? If the reverse exists, can a weaker person gaslight a more powerful person? Can one of two equal people gaslight the other, or is having power a crucial aspect?
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Does the power relationship between the doer and the receiver have any role to play, as it does in the original play/film(s? Ive always felt that it has, but it often isnt mentioned, as it wasnt in this post. If there is a differential (that is, the gaslighter has more power) then does it amplify the actions? If the reverse exists, can a weaker person gaslight a more powerful person? Can one of two equal people gaslight the other, or is having power a crucial aspect?
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Frosch
I doubt my mother has bad intentions, but her advice and arguments are very similar to gaslighting me into blaming and hating myself constantly for being the problem and underperforming in direct comparison to others, as well as intentionally hurting or neglecting her.
And when I say I have problems and I'm fed with pretending I'm not, I just get showered with toxic positivity and my struggle or pleading is not taken seriously in the slightest.
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I doubt my mother has bad intentions, but her advice and arguments are very similar to gaslighting me into blaming and hating myself constantly for being the problem and underperforming in direct comparison to others, as well as intentionally hurting or neglecting her.
And when I say I have problems and I'm fed with pretending I'm not, I just get showered with toxic positivity and my struggle or pleading is not taken seriously in the slightest.
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education
Man, I heard All of these for 17 years! And then in year 17 I used it's not that everyone is against you, your dark side and not taking responsibility is the problem, then he called me a narcissist, and after years of all those things being said to me, it was the final most insidious gaslight. And it was his last, now he can only email me. Unfortunately, we have children together so Ican't cut ties, but he gets demoted every time he acts out.
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Man, I heard All of these for 17 years! And then in year 17 I used it's not that everyone is against you, your dark side and not taking responsibility is the problem, then he called me a narcissist, and after years of all those things being said to me, it was the final most insidious gaslight. And it was his last, now he can only email me. Unfortunately, we have children together so Ican't cut ties, but he gets demoted every time he acts out.
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Ryan
There are multi levels of gas lighting where the abusers don't even realize they are doing it. how do we break through those cycles. Lord knows I'm not perfect, I have done things I wish I hadn't done in the past. A literal playground of mine fields all set up for a bizarre game of misperceived merit. And, somehow, I was charged with carrying a burden while all the while those quietly encouraging me were also hurting me. It's fascinating stuff.
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There are multi levels of gas lighting where the abusers don't even realize they are doing it. how do we break through those cycles. Lord knows I'm not perfect, I have done things I wish I hadn't done in the past. A literal playground of mine fields all set up for a bizarre game of misperceived merit. And, somehow, I was charged with carrying a burden while all the while those quietly encouraging me were also hurting me. It's fascinating stuff.
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Ryan
Lessons learned from past experiences tend to provide value, but the danger in assuming that everything from the past is the same as the current context is a denial of the humanity existing right now. Unfortunately, many people who have extensive bias process in place, and their reputations ensconced in much. have a hard time freeing themselves from very very basement style of learnings. Its' all very sad.
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Lessons learned from past experiences tend to provide value, but the danger in assuming that everything from the past is the same as the current context is a denial of the humanity existing right now. Unfortunately, many people who have extensive bias process in place, and their reputations ensconced in much. have a hard time freeing themselves from very very basement style of learnings. Its' all very sad.
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Rose
1. What did I do to you?
2. Everyone around you isnt problem. The problem is you.
3. I am sorry you feel that way.
4. I dont remember I said that. I think you made up.
5: Its your anxiety that made me do the things I do.
6. You need help.
7. Its your fault.
8: You are too emotional.
9. Its not a big deal.
10. Why are you so defensive all the time? You are attacking me.
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1. What did I do to you?
2. Everyone around you isnt problem. The problem is you.
3. I am sorry you feel that way.
4. I dont remember I said that. I think you made up.
5: Its your anxiety that made me do the things I do.
6. You need help.
7. Its your fault.
8: You are too emotional.
9. Its not a big deal.
10. Why are you so defensive all the time? You are attacking me.
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lil
Anyone else immune to gaslighting? I never question my self or sanity. I'm so optimistic about myself it's insane. I could be dying and still think, this is fine, everyone goes away one day. Whenever someone is trying to gaslight me, unbeknownst to me, I just continue talking and answering questions, usually they get creeped out and leave because of my lack of emotions. Then I am labeled weird.
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Anyone else immune to gaslighting? I never question my self or sanity. I'm so optimistic about myself it's insane. I could be dying and still think, this is fine, everyone goes away one day. Whenever someone is trying to gaslight me, unbeknownst to me, I just continue talking and answering questions, usually they get creeped out and leave because of my lack of emotions. Then I am labeled weird.
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Sebastian
Hate to break it to you, but #2 (Everyone around you isn't the problem. The problem is you) isn't gaslighting. If you find yourself getting in trouble a little too often, then you need to start reflecting on yourself instead of continuing to place blame on everyone else. The first step is to admit you're the problem and start changing for the better.
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Hate to break it to you, but #2 (Everyone around you isn't the problem. The problem is you) isn't gaslighting. If you find yourself getting in trouble a little too often, then you need to start reflecting on yourself instead of continuing to place blame on everyone else. The first step is to admit you're the problem and start changing for the better.
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Vanessa
Gaslighters from the 2010s are the demons that hisses and psychologically manipulates us. When I was gaslighted, it made me lose my mind, and it gave me PTSD from gaslighting people. Its very serious.
Gaslighters are psychological bullies like in the movie (Invasions of the body snatchers) the 70s horror movie.
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Gaslighters from the 2010s are the demons that hisses and psychologically manipulates us. When I was gaslighted, it made me lose my mind, and it gave me PTSD from gaslighting people. Its very serious.
Gaslighters are psychological bullies like in the movie (Invasions of the body snatchers) the 70s horror movie.
reply
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